August 30, 2003

Slicer, I don't even know 'er

I learned over the last two days that there three levels of thin.

Thin, paper thin and shredded. Shredded is the setting for people who have no teeth or people who have animals that like to eat deli food.

It just keeps getting better.

Antidote for Hubris

I've lived in Astoria for 10 years now. Naturally, there are people I've seen in the neighborhood that I recognize... some of them of course are good looking adult men with whom I've had some flirtations.

Well, wouldn't you know, almost every single one of those guys came into the store today and I had to wait on half of them.

Picture me, in a dirty apron, wearing a synthetic cap (I don't do synthetic well) with my hair pulled back in a Board of Health bun and latex gloves.

Yeah. You get the picture.

Not only is this the antidote for hubris, but this is also the antidote for attracting men.


Here is comment made by an older (yeah, old) woman I helped today at work. While I was slicing her low-sodium boiled ham, I overheard this very sweet looking old lady say....

"This summer stinks!!!!"

The End of Summer

Although technically the summer is not over until September 21st, we consider it over because children and young adults everywhere are going back to school. I personally could not be more thrilled that this summer is winding down because it's probably been the least enjoyable of my life. The humidity has been consistently uncomfortable, I've been out of work and haven't had enough money to get to the beach.

Looking for a job in the summer is the worst. The weather always makes it difficult for me to look composed for interviews and college kids are usually explointed to death through internships interfering with my ability to get hired for an actual salary. Well. The kids are going back to school and hopefully the job market will be opening up again. Not that I don't enjoy working at the Supermarket, actually that flower lost its bloom on my second day, but I'd really like a job with a desk and computer and dare I say a door and a window.

Not that this summer has been a complete disaster. I've made some new friends and discovered a great new hobby.

If it weren't for the nice people I have in my life and have added to my life, this summer would have completely sucked.

I'll be glad when the Autumnal Equinox brings a long awaited change of season.

August 29, 2003

The Passion

I thought I should weigh in on this controversy about Mel Gibson's new movie.

If indeed he does have a scene where jews are standing in a mob egging on Jesus's crucifixion and ultimately his death as I have heard reported on various radio programs I find myself recently fascinated with then do we really need to have a discussion about this?

It sounds a little revisionist to me. N'est ce pas?

Come on people. Don't you realize that all of the stereotypes that exist now about jews are all that crap that people believed about Jews for the hundreds of years that kept getting them kicked around and eventually out of Europe and ultimately ended with the Jews running Hollywood now because at the turn of the 20th century nobody liked them or would hire them to do anything so they had to create their own industry?

This is the propaganda that Hitler pulled together for the sake of unifying his poor, starving, humiliated German masses against the jews and the crap he told himself and his NAZI soul mates in order to justify killing the people who he convinced himself were responsible for the economic suffering of Germany? With their hatred of Christ and their money squandering and their crooked lending practices and what of the time that the entire Jewish nation 1938 years previously (give or take a year) rallied together to bring down the life and teachings of one man, Jesus Christ? The damage that Hitler did and the propaganda he distributed and dissiminated is still being fought by the Anti Defamation league today. That shit came over on the boats after WWII.

The Vatican believed that the Jews were responsible for years and they encouraged the thinking and teaching of it. But even they realized that was not a good idea because of the international levels of antisemitism arising. Isn't that why they had that DIET? (is that what those meetings are called? My philosophy of theology class memories are a little cloudy) Wasn't it called Vatican 2 and didn't they try to erase that from their coffers? Not that you can erase 1960 years of blaming the jews for the birth of a religion.

The point is this. Mel Gibson doesn't believe in the 1960 decision. Propagating the belief that jews killed jesus at this time is bad because antisemitism is on the rise again. And not just in those middle eastern places whose disgruntled youth express their rebellion through suicide bombings. I'm talking about places like France and parts of Florida. He is an artist and has a responsibility to make the world a better place, not a crappy worse one.

Doesn't he know that it's mostly Jewish executives that run Hollywood? That thing will never run for long in the states if at all.

And from what I hear, he's making up half the stuff in his movie anyway for content.

First Day

My first day at the supermarket was fantastic. I never dreamed a job like that could be so much fun. My first task upon arrival was washing dishes, which I love doing, because cleaning is important, of course. My second task was to Windex the display counter (more cleaning).

Third, I spent two hours prepping the antipasto. Just awesome. Since I am a little compulsive, I cut the food as uniformly as possible, so my salad looks just beautiful. Out of the Provolone, Swiss, Pepperoni, Salami, celery, red and green peppers, I chopped what seemed like a million uniform little rectangles (or maybe not so uniform in the way that no snowflake is repeated). Granted I'm not even sure that's a correct recipe for antipasto salad (celery?) but very soothing. I labeled prepackaged packages of cheese with one of those delicounter price label makers and I tried Havarti cheese with dill. Yummers.

I even got to taste Capacola which was probably the most exciting part of the day. That's the deli meat that Tony Soprano pronounces Gabagule on the Sopranos. I was so excited that it actually exists but not only does it exist, it comes wrapped around cheese from a company called le Fromagerie.

That was probably the best first day of work I've ever had on any job, ever.

And on top of that the people are supremely nice.

What more could a girl want? I think I'm going to be okay.

August 28, 2003

My First Day

My makeup choice for today. Not too dark eyeliner, mascara, blue eyeshadow and pink lipstick, which I think should be appropriate for deli meats.

My wardrobe choice. Loosefitting jeans, comfortable socks, sneakers and a random shirt. I'm also wearing a baseball cap until the manager can order my very own delicounter cap. The manager will give me my very own shirt with the supermarket logo upon arrival.

My hair. Sadly, I had to pull my hair back into a small neat bun. As much as it pains me to hide what I consider my best feature, it will allow room for my other best feature. My radiant smile and my utterly charming personality. (yeah, I don't believe it either)

Just pray that my eyes don't roll 100 times today. I have almost no control of this common reaction to other people's stupidity.

Anyway, I'm off to slice the salami, roast the chicken, mix the potato salad and whatever other duties this new fun job will entail.

August 27, 2003


Hey. I start at the supermarket tomorrow.

It's kinda cool. You know when people are kids and they dream about being waitresses or librarians or policemen. Well, when I was a kid I always wanted to work behind the deli counter. I don't know why. Maybe it was the striped shirts the girls wore behind the deli counter at the supermarket I went to when I was a child. They always looked like they were having so much fun.

So, in a way, this really is a dream coming true on some level.

I'm psyched. Wish me luck.

That tomato

In case any of you were wondering about that happy tomato that survived exposure to the tropical humidity of two weeks ago, I am happy to announce that he has happily survived these last two weeks in my refrigerator.

Until this afternoon, that is. I decided to cook some chicken that survived the great blackout of 2003 (which hopefull won't kill me).

Let me break it down for you. I defrosted the chicken. I sauteed a nice big ole onion (and it's old. it made me cry upon slicing). Then I took that big, beautiful red tomato and diced it into tiny little pieces. After adding the tomato, I gently laid out my chicken and then added some white beans. It's an old recipe but a good one. If I only had some flageolet the dish would be absolutely perfect but for now, store brand small white beans will have to suffice.

Later, he will help to decorate a plate of brown rice and then I can enjoy a nice hot meal on a nice hot day.


What I was going to write about

When I got home this evening I was prepared to write about Mayor Bloomberg's trip to Israel (point of that?); men's junk and how much room they have to make for it in the subway (you know that guy who has to spread his legs so far open to make room for his fantastically large genitalia that there is no room for a human woman's hips to fit into the space next to him), and my high school prom.

But I'm in a good mood and I don't feel like whining.

Don't worry. I'll get back to it. The Bloomberg thing has me a little peeved. Thank goodness he doesn't draw a salary as a mayor and thank goodness he flew on his private jet because I would've been majorly pissed if we were paying for this trip. When did he become a diplomat. I'm sure if all Jewish folk could go to Israel to express their sympathies that we wouldn't unless we all had family there. Perhaps he does have family there and that's why he went. Yeah...Okay....I can live with it if I convince myself he has family there otherwise it just doesn't make much sense.

This afternoon, I hung out with a good friend of mine. i rode the bus with her across town so she could pick up her child from summer camp. Next to me, on the bus was an average sized guy sitting with his legs as far apart as humanly possible, squishing me and my woman sized hips into my friend. I took a good look at him and could see no conceivable reason for this as his junk(or what I could of it through his pants anyway) seemed to be of normal size and distribution. I really think that some guys have an overexaggerated notion of the packages they are carrying. Needless to pointout that this does indeed ANNOY me.

My HS prom date was 2 inches shorter than me. He was a nice guy but we were kind of the last two people without dates (yeah, sad, isn't it?) and we decided to go together, DUTCH. My HS prom song was DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME. (it wasn't a good song then either). So, after paying for everything myself with a combination of my newspaper route, grocery store cashier, Baskin-Robbins counter person, money, I was surprised to learn weeks later that my date actually liked me in a romantic way. Sadly, I had to let him know that I did not return his feelings, which made me feel like crap, because there's never a nice way to reject somebody. I was also a little annoyed that he let me pay for everything since he liked me so much, so I guess it was a little bit of an FU too on some level.

The nice surprise of my prom was that he was a really good slow dancer. It turns out his mom was a dance instructor and he had been dancing for years and he made me look really good on the dance floor. The other great thing was staying out all night with my parent's permission. The next morning they surprised me by throwing a brunch before we all went on our after-the-prom GREAT ADVENTURE excursion. I was somehow tricked into go onto ROLLING THUNDER. All the way up the first incline I kept asking is this the coaster with the big drop and my friends kept saying no, until the big drop. I screamed the whole way and couldn't talk or breathe normally for about 10 minutes after walking away from the coaster. I haven't been on another one since. Otherwise, it was fine day spent with friends.

Whew!! I managed to get it all out anyway.

August 26, 2003

Plastic Flowers

Perhaps I've mentioned my love of gardening?

I was walking around Astoria today and I passed by several yards that had potted plastic flowers. Now, if these yards only featured plastic flowers that would be one thing but these plastic flowers were placed in pots where real flowers were growing. Real pretty flowers too.

It's one of those things that makes you go hmmmmm.

August 25, 2003

Open the pod bay doors, Hal

Bryant Park was mobbed.

First, they showed a Bugs Bunny cartoon, Mutiny on the Bunny, very funny. The quality of the print was superb. Flawless. It was a treat to see a Bugs Bunny cartoon on the big screen.

Then, they showed movie trailers which was quite unexpected.

Since HBO sponsors the free movie series, an HBO trailer was shown, you know, the one with the cool music. During that multitudes of people got up and danced. It must have been one of those bizarre e-crowd mob things.

Next they showed the movie, minus the dark screened introduction.
As excited as I was to have an opportunity to see 2001 on the big screen, I have to say I was disappointed. The print was filthy. I was so disgusted I left before Dave repeats his command to HAL to open the pod bay doors.

If you're not going to show a good print of 2001, don't show the movie at all. That movie is too special and it's an insult to the good memory of Stanley Kubrick.

2001: A Space Odyssey

For any Kubrick fans out there, tonight at Bryant Park they are showing 2001: A Space Odyssey, as part of their summer film series...........

I think it's the last night.

Part-time job

I just secured a part-time job at the Deli Counter at a local supermarket. I start on Thursday. After 30 days, I become part of the Union, which means time and a half on Sundays.

Wow. It seems as if all my dreams are starting to come true.

August 24, 2003

No More Sex and the City

I just realized that without cable television I will be unable to watch Sex and the City and then complain about it. Bill Maher neither.

Dude. What a bummer.

Olsen Twins Fever

The Olsen Twins, oozing sex.
On the cover of Rolling Stone, ready to pop...

So important that they were Interviewed in People Magazine
because they were filming in Toronto when the lights went out.
Here is what it said in people magazine next to their sexy double head shot in the Sept 1, 2003 issue of People Magazine.

When the blackout hit their Toronto movie set, "we were right in the middle of a scene," says Mary-Kate. "The generators went on, and wow, were we lucky - they even worked." Better still: So did their trailers' air-conditioning.

If you are one of those people counting the days until their 18th birthday, because of some bizarre adolescent twin fantasy, please contact me so I can smack you upside your head.

Most unimportant news story of the year.

Have you guys heard that Courtney Love might be Marlon Brando's granddaughter?

Yeah. I know. I don't care either.


I love gardening. Can't rant against it because I just love it and I got to do it this weekend. I collected some more freckles and some bug bites but boy was it fun. My mother and I cleared out an area densely populated by nasty, ugly, viney, weeds. We didn't even clear out the whole patch before we filled up three large garbage pails. We had to stop before it was done because it was just too intense. But thoroughly enjoyable like fishing or vacuuming.



Long Island Rail Road just ripped me off for 3 dollars. I bought my ticket on the train. Right. Sunday night, the station is closed, you don't have to pay the penalty. Au contraire, mon frere.

As of May blah blah of this year, if there is a working vending machine in the station that you could have used, even if the ticket counter is closed, you can now be penalized three dollars. It's bad enough the ticket to Long Beach went up to 6 from 4.50, now, they are penalizing me 3, off peak on a Sunday night. After I yelled at the conductor that this was some serious bull shit, I gave him 9 bucks but I am going to get that money buck. Oh yes, I will get my 3 dollars back.

I can't believe they are actually getting away with this serious ripoff. That is such a sleazy way to make money.

August 22, 2003


I had a choice between keeping my Green Party T-Shirt which I got at a Ralph Nader rally several years ago and keeping the turquoise turtle neck with cowboys riding bunking broncos repeated in a pattern.

Yeah. I kept the Green Party shirt.

Spring cleaning

I've decided to really clean house today and that means the worst possible thing for a packrat. I am throwing things away.

So far I have thrown away:
11 back issues of Game Informer Magazine (Ouch!)
7 back issues of Newsweek
27 pens (I tested about 100)
A 10 year old skirt
An ugly dress I bought from EBAY
An ugly shirt given to me by a dear, dear friend (Ouch!)
A table top I found on the street that I was going to paint

Things I'm struggling with:
A game I found coming into my building one day called FACT OR CRAP! The graphics on the box are amazing

Old shoes (nothing over $100, I just hate to throw away shoes)

Other old clothing that just doesn't fit but it's that stuff I just don't want to throw away because there is that chance that one day I might fit into that stuff again.

Some of my books, I might actually donate those to the library.

My 3/4 length Forest Green Plaid Banana Republic Coat with the torn lining, given to me by my an ex-boyfriend that I don't particularly remember fondly, but I just love the coat.

A Ricky Martin video....something else I found in the hallway. I'm debating about this item because it's cheese value is enormous.

A couple of pairs of spike heeled black patent leather shoes that I will never wear because the heels are 5 inches high, also given to me by a friend. Perhaps someone out there would want to buy those. They are nice shoes and it would be a waste to throw them away. It doesn't seem like the kind of item you give to the Salvation Army.

Old books and sheets of music from my flute playing days (I've been holding on to that forever.)

Old computer games I don't play anymore with practically no resale value.

And the beat goes on.....back to the Salt Mines.

CNN Money Presents.......

See how your home town ranks.

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) -- Nationally, unemployment was 6.2 percent in July, down from 6.4 percent in June, the Labor Department said. Employers cut 44,000 more jobs from their payrolls in July, and the year-over-year change in payrolls has been negative for 25 straight months, the longest stretch since 1944-46.

Depressing, n'est ce pas?

Just had a dream

It's not true that insomniacs don't sleep. It's probably more accurate to say that we don't sleep well. Personally, I sleep in blocks. Deep, intense blocks that can last between 1 hour and 4 hours.

Well, I just had a dream/memory about my first kiss. I was fourteen years old and at a wedding in France. It was my Aunt's (by marriage) brother's wedding. It was very cool because I was getting a lot of attention for being the American and I looked kind of older than the 14 year old girls in France because in the 80's it was just like that. I don't know if it still is.

Anyway, my Aunt's brother Didier's wife Collette, had this cousin who I guess I was flirting with but didn't realize I was doing it. After a few hours of dancing (French people can party), I went outside for some air and this cute cousin of hers followed me outside. He was speaking crappy English to match my crappy French and while he was talking to me he kept moving in closer......and then he did that leaning in thing. I had no idea what was going on and all of a sudden my lips were wet and being mashed into my face.

I remember my heart started to beat a little faster. I was thinking "Wow, I'm making out with someone" and his body was leaning into mine and it was so exciting. That was the first time I ever felt that way. But I stopped it because I wasn't entirely comfortable with what was going on. I left him there and went back inside.

It's a nice memory. Up to a certain point.

A little bit later, the entire wedding party followed the married couple in a procession to their home and it's at that point in the celebration when you accompany the married couple to their wedding bed and make them drink champaign from an oversized glass smeared with chocolate (it supposed to look like a used toilet, don't ask). After that, I saw him talking to my Aunt and I think she told him how young I was. Of course, I thought he knew I was young. You should also know that I thought he was 15 or 16 but he was actually much older. Well, after he spoke with my Aunt I remember he gave me a really dirty look and marched away. I never really figured out what was really going on until way later, because, yes, I was that innocent.

Also, I was wearing a very pretty dress my mother had made me. It was white with purple flowers.

Isn't fun, how vivid a memory can be?

August 21, 2003

A note on friendship

Friendships, close friendships can be complicated, as complicated as the people in them. Friendships exist on many levels and cover a wide range of emotions. When a friendship has gone on for a long time a lot of things happen that test the people in it. If one friend takes too much it creates an imbalance and the one who is giving can become depleted and resentful.

Take a look at your friendships and make sure you are givng as much as you are taking. If you find you are giving too much, it might be time to take a break. If you are taking too much, it might time to give your friend a break.

After much consideration I have decided that I am going to hold on to my Homies collection.
It's only been a little while now since I've gotten ridden of my cable and I find myself forced to listen to CD's I haven't listened to in ages. Music. How brilliant!!!! I am ashamed to admit that I could forget such simple a pleasure.

Life without cable TV. What a concept.

I have been freed from my cablecentric life.

Raise a glass to me tonight when you are dining with your loved ones.

Angels Wept

The angels wept today as I detached my cable box from my television and reinstalled my bunny ear antaena (sp?).

I'm simplifying my budget and my life.

I wonder what's going to go next.

Jesus is my homeboy.

When did the words manicure and pedicure become one word?

In an effort to maintain some dignity and normalcy in my life, I decided to get a manicurepedicure today. It was wonderful. Sometimes you just need human contact and that's what I got. My feet were massaged, my hands were massaged and while everything was drying my back was massaged and it was nice. There was a man there getting his nails done. That was refreshing.

On the way back from my manicurepedicure, I walked past a man wearing a bright orange T-shirt with a picture of Jesus and the caption "Jesus is my Homeboy". I wonder if Jesus knows what's being done in his name.

August 20, 2003

Drifting off to la la land.

Carnival music playing.
Throat burning.
Eyes closing.
Nyquil working.
Valerie sleeping.

Mission Impossible - Redux

I've got the first Mission Impossible movie on the tele and I have to tell you that of all the fantastic scenarios constructed for our movie going pleasure, the most fantastic is that Emanuelle Bearth, goddess of the French cinema, is married to the traitorous John Voight. 'Cause her husband in reality, if she's still married to him, is the very hot Daniel Auteuil, also of French cinema.

Forgive my spellings, I'm bad with names.

Summer Cold

My eyes are so swollen they look like narrow slits.
I don't have a fever but I feel like I do.
My throat is soar.
My chest is so congested and my nose is so stuffed that I can barely breath.

Yet somehow I'm supposed to go out into the world today and get a customer service job or a retail job in BUTT BLANK, Long Island.

I don't want to sound like a sad sack but HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!

How am I supposed turn this one around into a positive?

August 19, 2003

Tuesday Night Trivia

"Just a minute. Be right there. Oh hi. Come on in. Sit down."

"Excuse me? Yes I was at Tuesday Night Trivia but I'd rather not talk about it because my team came in fifth."

"You don't have to say that. It is pretty bad."

"No, I really don't want to talk about it."

"No, really."


"Okay.......since it was so well hyped this week, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about it. The first 3 rounds were standard trivia fare. Nothing unusual. But the music round, that was pretty tough. The co-host played music clips by artists with the letter x in their names."

"Yes. Very exciting."

"Yes. and exacerbating."

"Yes. Ha ha, yeah exactly, uh, can I continue?"

"Thank you. The co-host made up for the frustration of the audio round with his Arnold S. movie posters. I imagine quite an effort went into gathering all of those movie posters into one place and being able to name some of the movies made the second round a little more enjoyable and little topical."

"Yes. I'll be co-hosting the 9th of September."

"No. I'm not saying, you'll just have to wait like everyone else."

"Let's watch a movie. I just got Incubus back from my neighbor. Have you ever heard of William Shatner?"

"Well. It's not Star Trek. It's really high art. You'll love it."

Meanwhile back at the pity party

Rules of Attraction

In my continual effort to understand the rules of attraction, I have stumbled across a stumbling block. This where I explain how a woman in her mid-thirties can still fall victim to a common high school affliction - the crush - or not. Sometimes I'm just too tired to try to make sense of it.

I'm so tired of the mixed signals or are they mixed signals? Maybe I'm imagining signals as a result of wishful thinking and having crush like tendencies. Either way, this combination of wishful thinking with having a crush is interfering with my intuition. I just can't trust my judgment anymore. Sometimes I would give anything to be one of those cute, not so bright but bright enough to manipulate men, women for who attracting people is a seemingly effortless effort.

But noooooooooo. I have to be "bright" and "analytical" and deconstruct everything around me until it's lost all enjoyment and meaning. (why can't i just enjoy the moment?)

And I have broken it out down. The problem isn't really that I don't attract people; the problem is that I attract people I don't want to be attracted to me. Like the crazy guy on my block on 7 medications and living with a foster family; that's not to say he's not a nice guy, but one might not want his gene pool to continue. Like the older gentlemen, and I mean older, which always look at me wistfully like they're remembering that one time in the rumble seat when they felt Sally May's ass over her bustle. Just once, once, I would like a clear and open field to play the game with the object of my desire. But I tell you, as cute as I am, as dressed up as I get, as down to earth as I can be, as witty and funny as I am, my game is always, always trumped by a cute girl in a spaghetti strap t-shirt and hip hugger jeans or low-rise as we are calling them now.

What makes the competition all the more fierce is that the women who dress like this are just as bright, if not brighter than me. All this competition makes me feel like I have no game any more.

Temp to Perm

They pulled the old bait and switch on me yet again and I fall for it every time. The position I wanted was Junior Administrative Assistant (office manager/gal friday). When I got there I was told it was already filled. So then they proceeded to pick me apart like a vulture and for what? A possible customer service job. Which is fine.....i would have applied for that.......I hate bait & switch (picture me waving my fist to the heavens and grimacing)

The four tests I had to take this time:


Of course in keeping with my bad luck, the office was experiencing the ill effects of a computer virus thus delaying their processes. I'm supposed to call tomorrow morning to see if that customer service job wants me. And you know the sad thing is, I really, really hope they do. Because if they do, I won't have to take the subway to the bus to Jericho turnpike for a part-time retail job that I might not get.

August 17, 2003

Annoying Premises and the City

Okay. I've had it.

1) I just had that conversation with my mother yesterday and for several years now, about how getting engaged, having a baby or getting married, somehow validates women and then entitles them to endless amounts of gifts and cash but being single and broke does not entitle you to shit. I'm still waiting for my surprise "Hooray you're single and struggling party!!". So, whoever on Darren Starr's staff has been following me around and bugging my phones needs to step forward. And that's like the third story line that could have been based on conversations I've had with my mom and other women I know.

2) Why has it taken the writers and producers 5 years to introduce a racially mixed romance on to that show? Too little, too late folks. They didn't even allow a mixed religion relationship on that show. Charlotte had to convert from WASP to Jew in order for that storyline to continue.

3) I don't know anyone, anyone, who spends more than 100 dollars on shoes. I don't know anyone who lives like these women do. If you are a woman who lives like they do on this show, or knows of a woman who lives like this please let me know. I need to know that the producers of that show have at least one foot in the reality door.

Actually, I am now inspired to write a treatment for HBO which reflects more accurately the life of the "single dame" in this city.

And I assure you; there will be more than one mixed relationship, religiously or racially maybe even some dare I say same sex relationships that don't evolve around "jungle fever" or "experimentation". There will be no mention of expensive shoes, no daintily named colorful drinks, nobody less than a size 12, no coping with problems by shopping, no annoying voiceovers (hasn't the writer failed when a story has to be told through voiceover), and only one character in the show is going to be living in Manhattan.

Characters will have to overcome issues like getting their friends who live in Manhattan to come to their parties in Flushing; anxiety attacks; being laid off and/or changing careers; growing apart from their best friends because that happens; not having enough money to make the rent, pay the difference in the subway price hike or pay for food; getting to their friends houses in the other outer boroughs for example travelling from Astoria to Williamsburg; dealing with living in a neighborhood where over 122 languages are spoken and then dealing and coping with cultural differences; women who have been alienated by their families because of their lifestyle/relationship choices and the extended families they make when no one else in their lives will accept them.

Oh yeah and there will be sex too. But that's kind of not the point of this rant. I need a more realistic reflection of what life is like for the majority of people in this city.

Darren Starr, wherever you are, G-d bless you for your examination of the lives of about one half of one percent of the women who live in NY but I need something a little bit more real.

Not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.

Cure for the Blahs.

The award for best opening credits of an animated feature goes to Shrek.


Creeping malaise
Emotional haze
please stay away
when I'm having my days

Photographic Evidence


Here is a link to an interesting website with thorough photographic documentation of the great blackout of 2003.

August 16, 2003

Poughkeepsie BBQ

What a lovely day I spent in Poughkeepsie. My cousin's youngest is celebrating his second and he's just the cutest little bowl of puddin' you would ever want to see. When it started to rain, I was sitting on the floor of the playroom drawing pictures of princesses and flowers and hanging out with 20 kids. Eventually it got to be too much because I just can't sit in the Lotus position for as long as I used to be able to. which is so sad, darn aging knees. It was fun. Andrea has a great set up for kids. Her six year old, Rebecca, got a trampoline for her birthday which the kids loved. They have a blow up pool where Scotty, the two year old played until he was shivering and his lips turned blue. Andrea's husband Paul sets up the ultimate waterslide every year. It is the ultimate because their house is on a hill. There was barbeque and a super big hero (from which I took many leftovers) and Andrea made a beautiful cake featuring NEMO, from that movie NEMO which was a big animated hit this summer about a fish. I have got to see that movie. Underwater animation is my favorite.

When my cousin Sandra, Aunt Esther and I left Poughkeepsie at 8:30 it was so nice and cool up there, I thought for sure I'd be able to sleep in a nice cool aparment with natural, fresh air keeping me company. But when I opened my door I was assaulted by a wave of hot. I guess I'll have to run the AC tonight.

Sorry Governor Pataki.

August 15, 2003

Real Time with Bill Maher

1. New Rule - No more Courtney Love jokes. That joke comparing her to an animal in the opening monologue was really tired and undeserved at this point.

2. Jesse Ventura looks like Will Sasso

3. I think Ariana and Bill are secretly married.

4. Anne Coultor makes my blood boil. She was so full of shit tonight, I watched her eyes turn from blue to brown.

5. Orlando Jones? One word. HOT.

6. I miss the comedian segment from the first season.


Dateline sure put together that news program about the Blackout awfully quick. On Dateline I learned that there was no lightening strike in Canada, no downed powerplant in Manhattan and that noone knows what happened. Only that the failsafe failed and caused a cascading blackout, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They also reported that there are going to be meetings in Washington to figure out what happened and how it can it be prevented in the future. Isn't it possible that it was just a glich? Do we have to spend time and money discussing this issue? Can't they put that effort into finding work for people or directly into fixing the problem?

Do you mean to tell me that there isn't one person, one engineer, one child prodigy in all of America who can tell us what happened one way or the other? I find that highly unlikely. Why don't they just sic some MIT students on the problem? Make it their senior project or something.

So, enough with the meetings. Restore the power, fix the glich, upgrade the grid. That's all. Problem solved. STOP WASTING MY MONEY.


Somethings I've learned today

The Bionic Woman has a sleep number of 35.

Blackouts suck.

Power Up

BLACKOUT 2003. (cue serious news music)

This is the worst recorded blackout in American History, even worse than the one in 1965, in case you haven't heard yet.

So at about 5:15 am, Dave's answering machine clicks and we know we have worm sign. We turn on channel 2 news and there is this goddess sitting behind a news desk, reporting the news. I can't believe how well that woman was pulled together considering the 13 hours of darkness and confusion that preceeded my watching her. Her name is Shon Gables and she looked great. But then I saw a report from the street with Magee Hickey who didn't seem to be holding up too well. But she was shooting from the hip, totally improvising the news. She was really on her game. I always liked her reporting, this morning, even more. She was having such a good time, it was really fun to watch her. The other newscaster that didn't seem to be holding up too well was this guy from Channel 11 news, Larry Hoff, good looking guy, well spoken and all, but pink and sweaty from the heat. We redheads (yes I am technically a redhead) do not do well in heat and humidity.

I wonder where Carrot Top was when the lights went out.

Blame Canada

So back to blaming Canada, what the hell happened up there? A lightening strike, yeah, right. Gosh, I'm so naive I believe they control the weather.

So, I'm in my house and it's dark and I'm using my good, old fashioned phone to talk to my Aunt on Long Island, see what she knows and I hear my friend Dave's voice from the Hallway. He had just walked down 39 flights of stairs, over the 59th Street bridge, and through Astoria to get to my house. He was looking for a phone, but I was so glad to see him because then I knew I would be safe. He's such a good friend he let me glom on to him all night. We left my hot and dark apartment and walked over to his hot dark apartment.

It was dark by the time we left my house. But he had a flashlight so it was okay. I live in really cool neighborhood anyway, lots of nice people. There was a party on Broadway (in Astoria). We kept walking past little tribes of people gathered around candles, bbq'ing food, playing cards, hanging out in the restaurants. Michael's and Uncle George's were open for business and we walked by this one open window at Uncle George's where someone was eating a huge, Greek salad. It smelled real good.

We walked by one guy who said as we passed "It's so dark out here you can't even see me because I'm so dark."

I was a little concerned about looting but that worry soon dissipated because everyone was being really great. My favorite were the parents who were sitting in a circle with several of their kids singing Barney songs which normally I don't like because he's big, purple knock off of Rafi, but the kids were so into it and having such a good time. For the kids it seemed like a cool adventure and I dug that. Parents to keep their kids from freaking out. It's a good thing.

My favorite part of the evening was watching the city from the rooftop, watching the stars and watching the moon rise. I think I even saw Mars. That was special.

Dr. Martha and her sister Maria

....even during the worst blackout ever, I find myself in the center of a valcentric universe......

So.......where was I when everything went dark? I was home.

I hooked up with my neighbors for some initial info and then headed over to Athens Park, where even the statue of Socrates was sweating.

I spent several hours there, talking to two Filipina sisters. One is a retired, OB/GYN, Martha, recovering from breast cancer. Also, because of her carpal tunnel syndrome, she can no longer catch the babies, which is another reason she had to retire. Isn't that kind of sad? Her sister Maria is a nurse. The dr and I talked for quite some time becaues my sister-in-law is pregnant and she was so friendly and how often do you get an opportunity like that.

Did you know that layer of fat on the baby when it first comes out is called the Vernix?

So I'm speaking with Dr. Martha and her sister Maria is listening, a little shy but very sweet, and we're getting a good chat on because my best friend growing up was Filipino and with my pregnant in-law we had a lot to discuss. We discussed Filipino cuisine, like Dinuguan and Balut and if you don't know what either of those are, I really don't want to be the one to explain it to you. And she was telling me about her work, and her illness, and about babies..... it was decent......

(for this next part, please excuse the mixed tenses)

And then Enrico sat down. Enrico is this kind of creepy older guy, with a really thick Ecuadorian accent, a reverse lisp and some kind of affectation from possibly a stroke or a facial palsy of some kind.....Either way, he was really, really, hard to understand.......He kept touching his face and saying "yor coot"....."yor coot". Martha figured out that he was giving me a compliment. (naturally the cute guy sitting next to me reading the paper wasn't giving me the time of day but I know the son of a bitch was listening to every word because he wasn't going anywhere and the NY POST is just not that interesting.) So I thank Enrico for the compliment and he starts telling us that he is a painter, an artist and that I'm beautiful. (and he had eyes and everything.)

So I tell him that I draw here and there, and pull out my little drawing book. He looks at my goofy little clown and flower pictures and he opens up to a clean page, he asks for a pencil and I figure, wow, I'm gonna' get a portrait. So he looks at me, he scribbles in the book, looks at me, scribbles in the book, looks at me, scribbles in the book. He gets this satisfied look on his face, like he just captured my very soul on a piece of paper. He gives it back to me and would you like to know what was on that piece of paper, ladies and gentlemen? A picture of stacked boxes. He was so pleased with himself at this point, like your cat bringing you a bird it just killed, and I slowly started realizing, this guy is out of his mind. And he's getting a little defensive because I'm not really listening to him and trying to continue my conversation with Martha.....So I excuse myself. I wish the sisters the best of luck and go to say goodbye to him and he pulls me towards him and kisses me French style, meaning once on each cheek, as if he'd known me all his life.

He is not the first nut job or older man I've met that finds me attractive. In fact, I seem to be some kind of pied piper for the old and/or crazy.

I think the crazy ones think I have a friendly face and the older ones. Gosh, I think I remind them of those SIZE 18 beauty queens from the early 20th Century, 1910 - 1938, or their first girlfriends, or some hooker they went with in Reno in the 50's..... Yeah, and when I say older, I mean much, much, much older.......

August 14, 2003

I just ate the chicken wings and I have to say they weren't too bad.

Okay. That's it. My thoughts are my own for the rest of the day.

I promise..........
I'm baking the chicken wings.


Because of my blogplosion yesterday, I promised myself I was going to stay away today but I just can't because a good friend of mine, Cyndy Marion, is mounting a production of Sam Shepard's A LIE OF THE MIND in September and I want you all to check it out. (just hit the blue words and you'll be linked to White Horse Theater's website.)

Reservations are highly recommended.

August 13, 2003

Dear Diary,

Last night, I made three new friends who took me to a store that sells exotic foods and candies. They were boys. They showed me a bunch of neat and interesting snacks that I could buy, but I only wanted to eat the peas.

One of the boys bought me a soda. I had to ask for help because I couldn't open the soda bottle by myself. It was weird. There was this glass marble where your mouth goes, that I had to push into the bottle, but it wouldn't move no matter how hard I tried. So then the boy opened the bottle for me and I was finally able to drink the soda, something called "KIWI", and it was delishkus.

It may have also been a little bit nutritious ..... but don't tell anybody.

The three boys were very nice. Each one had a special quality. One had brains, one had heart and one had courage.

It was fun. I liked them very much and I hope they liked me too.

Have a good night, dear diary.

My other tomatoes survived. One is chilling away nicely in the cool refrigerator (I learned my lesson about produce and abnormal levels of humidity). However, it's not a happy ending for the other survivor of last night's 97% humidity. The other was just chopped up into many, many pieces for my macaroni, garlic, tuna, tomato cassarole type thing that's chilling right now in the refrigerator. Boiling that macaroni was tough. My apartment went up to about 90 degrees (what is that in Celcius - sp?). Yes . Just from boiling macaroni. I guess the chicken wings marinading in my homemade honey, mustard, vinegar, ketchup mixture are going to have wait until about October for my apartment to cool off enough for me to bake them.

Of course, I could turn on the AC, but I just don't want to give in until it's time to go to bed.

For those of you stuck in your offices you missed a brilliant mini Quantum Leap marathon on the sci-fi channel today.....

In an effort to be more positive in my life I've removed that really pretentious and self loathing article about Broken Women, realizing of course that I am a broken women myself, and that the entry was kind of full of shit. If you gave the issue any thought, I appreciate you getting on board with my pity party if only for the moment. Though I still would like to know the deepest, darkest secrets of attraction, it'll probably take me the rest of my life to figure that out. It will be big news initially of course when I do figure it out and share it with everyone but eventually it will be trumped by the news of Americans having landed the first man on Mars or that even at the ripe, old age of 75, Jennifer Lopez still has a ripe old ass................

and we're back.

Fuck positivity. My fears and loathings are what hold me together, they are what make (pause) me (pause) strong. (anyone see the 5th Star Trek movie? The one where Spock's brother, the renegade emotion feeling Vulcan has the ability to wipe out everyone's pain in order to get them to believe in his dream of finding Eden and eventually G-d? but Kirk won't let him because he's convinced that his pain makes him a good leader or some such crap like that.......and then Kirk is the first one to step forward when G-d invites them to chat on that planet because afterall he is James T. Kirk and he was also the director of that film........)

Ya' like Star Trek?

I just got invited to interview for a great job in Orangeburg, NY. Where is Orangeburg, NY you might be asking? I'm not really sure but I need a car to get there. Do you I have a car, you might be asking? Well, no I don't. Tant pis pour moi!!!!

According to Yahoo Maps, it takes about 45 minutes to drive there in a car from Astoria. So it would probably take twice that amount of time to get there via public transportation.


THIS PSEUDO-WAR, RECESSION STYLE ECONOMY (which the ny times said a few sundays ago in their job market section is so bad there isn't even a name for it) IS ABOUT AS TIRED AS THIS F-ING PREHURRICANE WEATHER.


Hopefully you are all chanting with me.

about the of the tomatoes i left out to ripen roasted. It didn't go bad or rot, it just got soft. i can't even pick it up and i know i should because by the morning there's going to be tomato soup all over my kitchen.

But it's actually warm and soft just like when you roast a tomato. Be right back.

five minutes later.......

i just moved the tomato and it was a little bit moldy. It was soft and moldy and starting to take the form of the surface it was taking over.


August 12, 2003


I just finished watching that new Colin Quinn show, Politically Incorrect and Carrot Top was one of the guests.

Watching him tonight, brought back a memory of a New Year's Eve 3 years ago, when I was partying at someone's house that I didn't know and the TV was on and Carrot Top was performing. He was wearing this skin tight t-shirt and talking into a mike and throwing props around the stage. I could not hear a word he was saying, but he looked really good and I realized at that moment, that he is hot and worthy of crushdom.

So watching him tonight, I remembered that I have a crush on Carrot Top. Carrot Top. (aka Scott Thompson) Tight body. Wild red hair. Dreamy eyes and that quiet confidence a man has when he's got something special in his pants. In the dream, I am counting his freckles and he is counting mine. And then somewhere later in the dream, I've just gotten him a gig at the Westbury Music fair and I'm bringing him a glass of icy cold lemonade. He's in the tool shed creating a combination regular household item topical joke thing. He is so touched by my concern for his thirst that he thanks me and throws me down on the heart shaped bed that we have in the tool shed for just such occasions, he kisses me on the cheek and then says "Go make me dinner, I have to finish my comic prop thing." and then I fix his eyebrows.

August 11, 2003


Why did Darren Star decide that Charlotte, the super waspy, extra useless character on Sex and the City had to become Jewish? They already had a Jewish character and why all of a sudden is religion an issue on that show?

I'm really beginning to hate those story lines but I can't stop watching. I have to know what happens. Will Samantha get laid? Will Miranda start her own law practice so she can spend more time with Brady? Will Carrie finally end up with her soul mate Big? Will Charlotte get hit by a car? One can only hope.


August 10, 2003


For those of you don't know, I have a part-time job where I hand out headsets at Broadway shows. These headsets are meant to improve hearing for people who might be having trouble. They are called listening assist devices.

With that said, this week I worked Man of La Mancha at the Al Hirschfeld (formerly the Martin Beck) Theater.

If you haven't seen it, you should try as hard as you can because it is closing on the 24th of August.

The performances are amazing. Brian Stokes Mitchell sings like no one else. He makes me weep.

That's all I have to say about that.

August 09, 2003


Standing tonight in the Time Square Station, waiting for the N or the W train to rescue me from my heated plight, it was easy to imagine a river of lava flowing under the station, heating the platform, cooking my flesh. It was easy to imagine the platform on giant chains being lowered deep into the bowels of the earth to its core.

Yes. It was that hot.

But even worse, there was this guy blowing into some weird electronic saxophone. The noise was grating to say the least but his song selection was worse.

Amazing Grace, Ave Maria, the love theme from Zeffereli's Romeo and Juliet and the theme from the Godfather. When he started the Godfather theme I shouted across the platform for someone, anyone to pay him to stop playing. But that made things worse because people started moving away from me.

The only option left was to pray with all my might for a train to come and sure enough a train did come. I got on, sat down and wrote this and immediately felt better.

What is going on in California? It doesn't even seem real. A few nights ago I watched the Tonight Show when Arnold S. alliterated (you know all those pretty F words he said) his way to announcing that he's running. He totally slammed the current governor. Does he honestly think he is qualified to do that man's job? He's got some giant set of cajones. And the other candidates also seem like a joke. Gary Coleman, Larry Flint, Ariana Huffington (actually she's not so bad).

From what I understand, Californians are upset about the budget crisis in their state and blame their governor. I don't know if he's to blame or not. But I do know that holding new elections probably costs some bucks. Bucks that the people of California should probably be using to fill the enormous deficit that they blame their governor for. It's upsetting to me that this is happening because I believe there is a deeper and scarier subtext to this whole affair......

I'm not as informed as I should be. Who called for the recall? I'm guessing it was republicans because it is my other understanding that traditionally the state has had mostly Republican governors. So it must upset them that there is a democrat in office. Does that seem right to you? It's all sounding like a bad senior class election. The most popular girl didn't win so she threw a hissy fit and insisted that the votes be recounted or talked the sexually vulnerable and frustrated principal into holding another election. And you know the rest of the class didn't give a shit. They just didn't give a shit. Only about 15 jocks, and 10 cheerleaders really cared because they actually believed it would look good on their transcripts and would help them with those athletic scholarships, making them look well rounded and all, if they served on their student councils.......

Well, just like the jocks and prom queens the republicans aren't looking very well rounded right now. It would be unfair to say that all republican politicians are christian fundamentalists but it seems like a lot of people who came on with Bush are Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists including Governor George W. himself. You guys know what I'm talking about. Right?

So it's my theory that the republicans are scared that democrats are going to allow jewish, minority, homosexual, single parents take over the world starting with California and that's why they are trying to get rid of Governor Davis.......

I can tell you that after the fiasco is over it won't be happening anywhere else..

August 06, 2003

Today I saw a commercial for a device that helps people bake donuts so they can avoid frying them. When did this become an issue? Were people really developing health conditions from the non-healthful practice of frying their own donuts? In the commercial, they show a mom, deep frying dough in boiling hot oil, all while the voiceover explained how making your own donuts will improve the quality of your life.

There's an option for regular round donuts. There's an option for filled donuts. There's an option for miniature donuts. What's worth mentioning is that also included in the kits are devices that help you decorate or fill your healthy donuts with sugary buttercreams and fillings.

The little donuts are for children.

What I also found interesting about the commercial is that the manufacturers of this donut- making saviour seem to think that only families will benefit from this. It also assumes that mom is the only one who bakes donuts.

This is my first ranting. I would ask you to comment on this but I'm not sure exactly how this works. So I will leave you with the some questions that you can mull over until the next time we meet or email each other.

One. Why are moms always the ones saving money at the grocery store, comparing and contrasting fabric softeners and finding new ways to keep humanity safe from the dangers of a bad diet? Aren't there other people in the world who clip coupons, do laundry and eat right? Wasn't I writing a paper on this in college like 13 years ago? Is this really still an issue?

Two. Have you noticed the advertising push lately toward families? There seems to be a conservative agenda since Governor Bush took over that is suspiciously looking like a conspiracy. Reality shows are family centered. Who wants to marry my dad? The Bachelor, The Bachelorette. Even a show like Survivor gets really excited about two people possibly getting together. And I don't think it's the sex the producers think we'll find interesting. I think they think that we think that being stuck on a desert island in the middle of the pacific is condusive (spelling?) to romance thusappealing to the lonely masses who are miserable, out of work, alone, in the rain, in the dark, with nothing to eat, or new clothes to wear........or maybe that's just me. Either way, it's a conspiracy fostering heterosexuality and breeding.

Three. If you had to invent something to improve society and make a quick buck, what would you make?