September 30, 2006

Flavor of Love 2 - Episode 8

With Bootz remaining adamant regarding her stance on remaining celibate with Flava Flav until their marriage night, she signed her own walking papers. She was not given a clock at the end of the day. In her exit interview she was a very good sport. She knew that she was eliminated because she didn't want to participate in a one night stand. Nor did she want to give the impression that she is easy or that work wasn't required to get into her pants. With that said, let's start the recap.
Dinosaur Tongue Has Cooties
Big Rick opened this episode. Our first glimpse at the day was a shot of Big Rick polishing Flav's T-Rex lawn ornament with special emphasis on the dinosaur's tongue. Perhaps this was foreshadowing of the day's events and indeed it seemed that the day involved a lot of tongue polishing but not before the contestant's received the day's Flavagram. In true Big Rick fashion, he dropped the message on the table and got the blank out of dodge.

Throughout the show, the women have been taking turns reading the Flavagrams aloud. Today was New York's turn. She read that Flav thought the remaining women were "prime cut" and that he was going to be "slicking things up". Flav would spend that day and evening on private dates with Krazy and Deelishus and then New York and Bootz the day after. New York was so distraught over the news that she wasn't in the first group, that she stormed out of the room in tears leaving the other women behind to laugh at and make fun of her. This involved Bootz giggling while Deelishus dramatically recreated New York's dramatic reading of the gram. Upon reading the message aloud, Deelishus discovered that New York read "slicking" instead of "slicing" and laughed at her illiteracy. She attributed her degree in English for her superior ability to differentiate between the two words. It was a colorful moment.

By The Sea, By The Sea
So, we skip ahead to Krazy and Deelishus as they are walking onto a pier. They were ready for their date which was to be on a small yacht. Flav greeted them and then introduced them to the captain of the boat who would be taking them out that day. (I was very thankful to see that there was a grown up supervising if not the sexual activities, the sailing activities at least . That meant that the producers had seen VH1's Driven and were familiar with Flav's history of breaking and crashing expensive things.) The date involved almost everything but sailing. It involved Flav watching the women's rumps while they were hoisting sails. It involved Deelishus making out with Flav after finding the expensive diamond earring that fell out of his ear from the exertion of sitting around and watching the jiggle show. It involved Krazy muscling in on Deelishus's tongue swabbing session by sucking Flav's tongue out of Deelishus's mouth and inserting it into her own Krazy mouth. It involved Deelishus downstairs getting sea sick.

After Krazy chased Deelishus away, Deelishus was shown lying on a bed next to Flav's clock, complaining that she was sick to her stomach - from both the impropriety of Krazy's actions and the motion of the ocean. Up on the boat, Krazy had Flav all to herself. Viewers were treated to a seemingly endless shot of her cleansing Flav's tongue with the rough circular motions of her own muscular, mouth organ. If you just shuddered with revulsion, that was the appropriate response.

Later that day Flav took the girls to where they would be staying that evening. Flav had made reservations for him and the girls on the Queen Mary for dinner and nookie. When the girls got to their rooms they found cute little matching dresses with long elegant gloves. Interviews with each of the women while they were getting ready, readied the viewer for the battle to come. Deelishus surmised that Flav was going to spend the night with one of them and she hoped it was her and not Krazy because she just wouldn't be able to go with Flav after he'd been with Krazy. (Flav kept referring to the ship as the QUEEEEEEEEEN Mary as if he'd never heard of it before. I suppose if he'd had, he might lose some "cred" with his "peeps" or something like that. He described the ship as being haunted. That's first time I'd ever heard that. Maybe it was the brochure.)

Once at dinner, it was on. Flav told the women he wanted to find out how they felt about and asked Krazy straight out what she thought they had in common. She said something incomprehensable but seemingly heartfelt. All the while Deelishus rolled her eyes. She summed up Krazy's love confession by saying "blah blah blah blah" to the camera. Deelishus does not think that Krazy is REAL or that anything she tells Flav is TRUE. When Flav asked Krazy if she wanted to be singer, Deelishus felt so justified that Krazy was finally going to be revealed as a phony. But he doesn't really care, does he? She's pretty. What does it matter to him if she wants a singing career? If anything, it bodes well for him that this pretty girl would be willing to sleep with him just to advance her career. I still don't understand why the other women thinks this puts Krazy at a disadvantage. But as Krazy told him about her hopes and dreams of becoming a singer and how expensive it was to cut a demo, Deelishus was smiling like the cat that at the canary because she thought that Krazy was finally showing her true colors.

When Flav asked Deelishus how she felt about him, she tearfully replied that she cared for him more than she expected to and guess what. He chose her for the one night stand instead of Krazy. But in the end it didn't matter. Because in spite Deelishus's best effort, the day had gotten the better of Flav and he fell asleep on her.

Bootz and New York
While the above date was going on, Bootz was treated to her own private showing of all of New York's misgivings, insecurities and self-doubts. She turned to Bootz for comfort because there was no one else there. Bootz was shown listening, in a half-hearted way, to all of New York's claims on Flav's heart and Flav's time.

By the time the next day rolled around, Bootz must have known she was going home, she had to have known. If New York was evident of what Flav wanted in a woman, she had to know that there was no way in hell she stood a chance of staying instead of New York as their three way date would prove later in the day.

Their date was at a winery. At first, I thought the date looked to be an actual romantic date but that notion was quickly dispelled. The date started with a horseback ride to the shady spot in the vineyard where the date would take place. The women should have been forewarned that they were going to be riding horses on their dates. But I have to admit it was pretty funny watching them climb into their saddles clad in miniskirts and f*** me pumps. When New York climbed on her horse, she was absolutely terrified. The woman was shaking. The horse must have sensed her fear because it started running uncontrollably - so much so, their riding coach had to interfere and slow the horse down. I guess I should have found that funny but I didn't really because it wasn't.

Anyway, once they arrived at their destination a grownup, similar in manner and disposition to the captain of the yacht, served them lunch and treated them to a tasting of the vineyard's latest vintages. Bootz was feeling admittedly out of place, because her only drinking experience had been with Hennesy and Vodka. New York just rambled on and on about how special it was to be at a vineyard and how back home, she never really had much opportunity for experiences like this. (I just kept wondering how anybody could get so excited about California wines.) After their meal, the grownup showed them their next vintage. It was in a big vat full of grapes waiting to be stomped. The girls took off their hooker clothes to reveal bikinis underneath and Flav changed into his bathing suits. If you guessed that they would be using their bodies to create the next vintage of wine then you guessed correctly. What followed was an experience not even Bacchus could never have foreseen. It was drunken, sloppy and pointless.

After the wine stomping the group took a three way shower which almost made me feel dirty. Flav was doing his best to crawl into Bootz's skin from behind while New York ardently pushed her hips into his backside. More tongue was seen than necessary I might add. Apparently, Flav can not kiss a woman with a closed mouth. Someone should tell Flav that every now and then, a closed mouth is kiss is nice.

Walking Shoes
Flav took the girls to a nice hotel and dressed them in pretty outfits and then met with them a few hours later for their three way date. Flav seemed incredibly interested in Bootz because he continually ignored New York while trying to get further into Bootz's pants. New York stomped off in a mad huff because Flav was spending too much time talking to Bootz. He chased after her (which she claimed to be part of her plan) and in the end, he chose New York for his evening tryst. Sound effects were plentiful as New York made sounds of rapture behind the closed door of their hotel suite. In her camera interview, New York went on and on about how wonderful their time was together. She spoke in hyperboles and used words that she made up for the most part. This woman may be a lot of things, but proficient in speaking the English langugage is not one of them.

At the elimination ceremony Bootz was sent home. Flav cited her celibacy as the reason because, as he reminded the TV audience in his one on one with the camera, he was looking for someone he could kick it with right now and had no interest in marriage.

In next week's coming attractions, we learned that Flav's children will be grilling the remaining women. Then Flav will meet with the parents of the women that are left. If I'm not mistaken at least one of Flav's children appeared to be the same age as the contestants.

September 29, 2006

A Bike Ride

Jon and I went bike riding yesterday and today. Today was a straight ride up to Laguardia and back home. Nothing exciting to report. But yesterday . . .

Yesterday we went to Roosevelt Island with a detour through Socrates Sculpture Park. Socrates Park is a free sculpture garden where artist display large free standing pieces of work. It's located on Vernon Blvd. and Broadway. The park recently celebrated the 20th anniversary of its inception in 1986 by artists who wanted to make something pretty out of an old landfill. It's one of those secret treasures of New York, known mostly to New Yorkers.

Well. Here is a sampling of what Jon and I saw at the park.

Here is my first impression of the park meaning what I saw when I stopped riding by bicycle and looked up.
Socrates Park

This is a big pink thing.
Pink Sculture

These are bottlelites. The explanation provided says that plastic bottles were painted and bundled to resemble satellites.

I'm not sure what this is but each of those pedestals has something on it with remarks about America. Jon spent some time looking at each of the items but I was kind of busy looking for shots. So no disrespect to the artist intended.
Socrates Park

Jon caught me posing for a photograph. The sculpture directly behind me is a giant sun dial. On the front of the sculpture is a giant picture of a wrist wearing a watch. The Upper East Side of Manhattan makes up the backdrop.
Sun Dial

I was particularly fond of this wrought iron piece. It had three parts and this is my favorite.
Wrought Iron

Our goal was to ride to and around Roosevelt Island. For the first time I rode my bicycle over the bridge crossing onto the island. Because I am so petrified of traffic I usually walk it over on the pedestrian path. I was quite proud of myself because I was as scared as I thought I would be and did it anyway.
RI Bridge

We wanted to revisit the south end of the island but alas, access has been restricted for the fall or so I think. We'll see if it opens up again next week. You can see the UN in the distance, beyond the locked gate.
Locked Out

September 26, 2006

A Chorus Line

Back to work tonight. This week's assignment is the newly revived A Chorus Line at the Schoenfeld Theater. I think is the second week of previews.

The first time I worked at the Schoenfeld, it was called the Plymouth Theater and David Hasselhoff was destroying starring in Jekyll and Hyde as both the Dr. and his evil creation. He was very bad showcased a unique interpretation of the part. All joking aside, Hasselhoff was cast to attract patrons but ended up closing the show much like Richard Chamberlain ended up closing The Sound of Music several years back.

The last time I worked there, Long Day's Journey Into Night was playing - starring Vanessa Redgrave, Brian Dennehy, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Robert Sean Leonard. That was pretty special. With the exception of Brian Dennehy constantly talking upstage, that show rocked it. Philip Seymour Hoffman, in my opinion, is the best actor of my generation. I remember after the one show that I did work, I was so busy that I ended up being the last person in the theater except the actors. Vanessa Redgrave walked behind me with Philip Seymour Hoffman and I could feel her energy without even seeing her. It was pretty exciting and I remember shaking while I was hurrying up to finish.

I'm looking forward to seeing A Chorus Line. I never got to see it the first time it ran. I hope it doesn't suck.

Lambert's Cafe

Jon and I are back now and I've slowly been going over the photos from our Alabama Adventure.
On the Monday of our trip, my in-laws, Jon and I drove down to Gulf Shores in separate cars.

It was a beautiful drive but we saw clouds gathering more the further south we went. By the time we got to Lenox the skies opened up and rain started falling in sheets. Visibility was limited to 20 feet at the most and we drove at a reduced speed for quite a while.

Before our final destination, my father-in-law wanted to stop at Lambert's Cafe for dinner.

(I know I wrote about this before but bear with me because that was just a thought before and now I'm writing something more elaborate.)

Jon's father told us that Lambert's Cafe in Foley is the home of the throwed roll. And that's where we stopped for dinner. Here is the mural painted on the side of their restaurant.

It's quite elaborate. If you look closely you'll see the kitchen vents have been incorporated into painting. One of the vents is painted to look like a flying roll.

Even with this painted portrayal of people throwing rolls, Jon and I still didn't fully understand what Lambert's meant by throwed rolls. We both understood it to mean that somehow the rolls were thrown as part of the baking process.

A few minutes after our arrival we finally understood what was meant. I was sitting across from Jon's dad, looking at him in a quiet moment at the table, when all of a sudden his hand reached up and caught a roll that had been thrown to him from 40 feet away. Very impressive and very delicious - the most delicious roll I had down south.

The restaurant offered what I figured to be typical southern fair - fried chicken, fried okra, chicken fried steak, chicken and dumplings, mashed potatoes. They also provide "pass arounds" in addition to your order. The "pass arounds" are limitless. They'll give you as much as you want. But how much fried okra can one eat? If I were Homer Simpson we probably would have been there for 6 hours or more taking advantage of the free extras but I'm not and we didn't. We all ate our modest portions, what we could of our free extras and continued down 59 to our final destination.

If you do find yourself in Foley, AL be sure to go to Lambert's Cafe. It's fun.

September 21, 2006

Atlanta is Great - cont'd

Jon and I did visit Margaret Mitchell's House - it was more like a house where she had an apartment with her second husband John Marsh. It's where she wrote Gone With The Wind.

We had lunch at The Vortex where we were completely sucked in by their funky decor and incredible 80's soundtrack.

Then we went to The Fox Theatre but we were too late. We'd already missed the tours for the day.

Then we walked all the way back to our hotel, where we are now. Jon is up in the room, probably getting ready to use the hotel swimming pool while I sit down here in the business center compulsively updating by blog.

I'm not sure what we're doing tonight.

We've had several recommendations for The Varsity.

We'll be heading home tomorrow. Sniff.

Atlanta is Great

Jon and I made it to Atlanta after driving six hours from Gulf Shores, AL.

We chilled out at our hotel last night. I had a headache after the long drive. We had seafood for dinner at the hotel restaurant, McCormick and Schmick. Then this morning we had breakfast at another hotel restaurant - Prime Meridian -for possibly the best steak and eggs I've ever eaten - ever.

This morning, we've already been to the Georgia Aquarium - pictures soon to follow.

And now we're heading out to Margaret Mitchell's House and the Fox Theatre.

September 20, 2006

The Beach

Yesterday, Jon and I went to the beach with his mom. It was nice but very hot. Jon's mom went into the water first. Then I followed and retreated back to our camp because of the dendrite like seaweed. Jon wanted to go in the water so he left our camp and joined his mom. Not wanting to be left out I went back into the Gulf of Mexico.

The water was warm, very warm - warmer than it ever gets up in the north east.

But I kept feeling that nasty seaweed wrapping itself around my leg. Completely grossed out, I retreated back to the blanket. The sun was too much for me, so after a short while, I went back to the condo to float in the pool on an inflatable raft.

Today, Jon and I are going back up to Atlanta for a couple of days and then back home.

September 18, 2006

Meanwhile Down In Alabama

Special thanks
to Chico Bangs for taking care of this week's summation of the most recent Flavor of Love 2 episode. He did a "buckin' and truckin" job.


Long Day's Journey
Jon and I finally made it down to Alabama after a ridiculous travel day on Friday. Why was it ridiculous? First, our delayed flight was cancelled because the plane was pulled out of service. We were booked on a later flight which was then delayed because of bad weather. The delay involved sitting in the gate for an hour and then on the runway for half an hour.

We were supposed to arrive in Atlanta by 2:15. We ended up arriving at after 8. We didn't arrive at our Alabamic destination until after 11.

But we did arrive and that's good. We stayed with Jon's cousin's Tricia and Kendall who were kind enough to wait up past 11 for our arrival. (Thanks again.)

Country Roads
Saturday, we headed out to Jon's Aunt Frances and Uncle Drennan's house which is on a small country road surrounded by quiet grassy fields. Well. Quiet of city noises anyway. There were plenty of sounds from crickets and grasshoppers and whatever other insects and birds might make noise in the country. This was the first time I was meeting this side of Jon's family so I was excited. Every year the family gets together and catches up. So this was a good opportunity to meet everyone. My father-in-law's immediate family was all present and accounted for and they were all really nice.
Family Affair
I felt very welcomed and got to know everybody pretty well.

Getting To Know You
We spent the morning with Aunt Peggy because she joined us for breakfast over at Tricia and Kendall's and then she rode with us in the car to Aunt Frances's house. Then I learned how to make fried okra by working with Aunt F. in the kitchen. The gathering was so relaxed that I had a chance to sit and talk with everyone.

The next day we headed out to Uncle Joe's house who has an amazingly cool coy pond.
Uncle Joe's Coy Pond
Here, I was able to spend some quality time with Uncle Joe and his wife Lanie and some quality time with Jon's other Aunt Peggy. I also got to meet a couple more of Jon's cousin. There were quite a few people in Uncle Joe's house so when we weren't eating we split up and did different activities. Jon and I took Aunt Peggy to Mentone to do some antique shopping for a couple of hours. I saw some great antiques but didn't buy anything because it would have been difficult to transport everything back.

Then in the afternoon a bunch of us went over to DeSoto Falls and then to Little River Canyon Falls. Here is Jon's mom standing by a dangerous overlook at DeSoto Falls.
Dangerous Overlook

And here are cousin Jody, Aunt Peggy and Uncle Joe in the picnic area.
DeSoto Falls

Over at Little River Canyon, we saw some kids jumping into the river next to the falls which is explicitly forbidden.
Jumping From Falls is Permitted

After jumping, Jon's Uncle Joe who is a rescue worker asked the kids what part of Georgia they were from. They were amazed that he knew where they were from and when they expressed that amazement he explained that the kids around here know better than to jump 2 stories into the base of a waterfall.

Back at the house we spent a little time with Jody, Hayden and their baby Jayden. You couldn't ask for a better afternoon for getting to know people.

On The Road Again
So that was Saturday and Sunday. Monday we drove all the way down to the Gulf of Mexico where we are now. We are staying in Gulf Shores. Another cousin, has a condo that he rents out to vacationers that he is kindly letting us use for a couple of days. The drive down was beautiful for the most part, except for the torrential rain about 3/4 of the way down. But we made it in about 6 hours. We stopped in Foley on the way down at Lambert's Cafe for some home style cooking and "throwed rolls". They are famous for their "throwed rolls". Jon and I understood "throwed rolls" to mean that's how they prepared them. But they actually throw rolls at you while seated. The other cool thing they do is serve tons of sides for free - like macaroni and tomato, fried okra, black-eyed peas, and fried pototoes & onions. All good. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.

And now
. . .we're trying to decide what to do. We were awakened by a rigorous thunderstorm which isn't ideal for beach going. But it's mid-morning and the sun is peeking through and we're hopeful for the rest of the day. We'll probably hit the near-by outlet malls while the beach dries up.

Flavor Of Love 2 - Episode 7

Well, I've been drafted this week to fill in for Valerie on a show that apparently got ruined last week. It's okay, beloved chickadees, she'll be back next week.

So you knew New York was going to get back into the actual game, not because she's anywhere close to a proper woman (I missed the first year of this, but she looks to me more like a pre-surgery Jocelyn Wildenstein than an actual chick. But then again, Flav looks like a perpetually-freaked-out Boston Terrier, so maybe that works out.)

The episode opens with New York, bless her evil little heart: "The other girls, they should be nervous!"

The Flavogram arrives: Deelishis is appointed to get the five girls to agree on which two of them should leave the house. Flav allegedly can't decide. (Krazy is on the note this time, and it's clear she's not much of a reader, despite her attempts to read an actual book last week.) Krazy & Bootz have a little warmup spat on the couches. (Bootz trots out her line about Krazy being "a fake ass lyin ass dumb ass bitch" again, which while starting to get old when Bootz says it, admittedly is pretty good. I will try to use that somewhere inappropriate this week before Rosie O'Donnell jumps the shark with it by dropping it into a Star Jones discussion on The View or something.) It goes without saying that neither of them are any good at actual arguing. (Next time Krazy is looking for something to read, I recommend some Schopenhauer.)

New York is just having a laugh quietly on the couch while all this goes down. She can't believe her luck: "I'm the HBIC, that's all I know. I'm the Head Bitch In Charge."

Predictably, the girls chose Krazy & New York as the two who should leave, and then Flav comes down with his fro turned out, looking like Huggy Bear's little crackhead brother, opens the ballot box & howls with laughter, saying that the two choices are the two he's had the best feelings for so far. He believes jealousy is afoot. I am taken aback by the very suggestion. Jealousy? Among these fine ladies? Unpossible! Bootz mentions that she only doesn't like New York because she wasn't there from the beginning. Flav shoots her down: "Oh, she was here from the very beginning." The plot, such as it is, thickens.

Deelishis: "There's always some kind of twist, like we're now on the outside because we didn't choose the right people."

Segment #2: "I'm putting y'all on ice tomorrow"
Buckeey finally gets a date night with Flav. (Is this really her first date night with him? There's only five hoes left! Isn't that leaving it a little late for gettin to know your potential future partner? Ah, just kidding, I wouldn't want to hang with her neither if I could avoid it.)

New York, oddly enough, can't handle Flav being with someone else, even for a night. After a year away from the show, apparently making minidresses out of human skins and being a special political advisor to Hezbollah, she suddenly can't stand to be away from "her man" for even one minute.

Buckeey is "very very very very, very very very" (that's 7 verys!) excited, to the point where, when she finally gets the call, she flies down the stairs and jumps into Flav's mouth like it's an open window out of a burning building.

So they make out in the limo, and it's all Flav can do to not grab her boobs in the limo. The spirit is very high in Mister Flav at the moment, and he can hardly contain himself.

Of course, he's got a very special plan for his date. He's rented out, that's right, a bowling alley! And they gonna be rollin'! And buckin'! And truckin'! How dainty!

Here there is a nice little montage of him clowning around with balls on the alley, and she, it apparently merits repeating, is "buckin! and truckin!"

She claims that a bowling date where they don't keep score and he spends as much time with his hands all over her ass as on the bowling equipment is exactly the kind of bonding experience she was hoping for with Flav, and I have no choice but to believe her.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Krazy & New York are on the balcony, having a Love-In for the Insane and Hateful. They make a pact to call out the other girls one by one. New York, to the camera, expresses her astonishment at how clueless Krazy is, and how easy whittling down the herd going to be. (This won't be the last time she mentions this.) There's hope for this plotline yet.

Krazy gives New York a big hug at the end, and the camera pans in on New York's face, and they slow the tape down as she grimaces and sticks her tongue out. Krazy is little more than tomorrow's lunch for New York, and the poor little muppet is nowhere near smart enough to know it.

Flav & Buckeey come home, and he manages to take his tongue out of her mouth long enough to start his second date with Bootz. (For the first and last time in the episode, New York is momentarily not causing a scene trying to defend Her Man against these interlopin' hoes.)

Candles in the jacuzzi, Bootz lookin' "Brutaful. Bruuuutaful," and they both stare mesmerized at her boobs, floating in the water between them, for a full twenty minutes before Bootz drops the bomb about only wanting to make love after getting married. (I'm assuming that "making love" in this context implies sex would be involved.) Flav is, naturally, taken aback. "Just like I can break hearts on this show, my heart can get broken too, knowmsayin?"

And then, to the camera: "I wanna get married, but not right now! I want a girl I can kick it with right now!"

(I'm assuming that "kicking it" in this context implies sex would be involved.)

He ended the date immediately and went upstairs to take a shower. Poor Bootz. All she had to do was lay low and the drama llama would have chased one of the louder girls out the door. But she just cut her own self out of the herd. Oh well, I guess that was "real" of her, I guess, whatever "real" means. If we've learned one thing, though, it's that "real" has no place here, despite what everyone keeps saying every other line out they gold-diggin' fool mouths.

* * *

Next morning, Flav looks for Deelishis's bed to climb into. New York's bed is right beside them, and she's doing that thing where you hide under the blanket and make a little hole to peek out. You can see her seethe while they cuddle. See New York Seethe. Seethe, New York, seethe. New York, in voice-over, decides, right there, that Deelishis is her biggest competition. (She is, like it or not, as usual, correct.)

And it's Elimination Day! (Already? You don't say!) A Flavogram arrives calling out Deelishis for a day date. She excitedly goes upstairs to freshen up, even though Flav just left her bed about 20 minutes before. New York, suddenly incensed again, decides that she absolutely must disrupt this date, and it's going down right now. She follows Deelishis into the bathroom, and just starts calling her on random things. She isn't even making sense. She's just trying to get a rise out of her, and the funniest, slash-saddest, slash-funniest part is that Deelishis totally goes for it. No "You'll have to catch me later. I'm in the middle of something;" no waving a silver cross at her and hissing (that works against other evil demons; it's worth a shot here), none of that. They just get to wavin' and screaming, finger wagging, backing each other up around the bathroom like tiny sumo wrestlers: "You just a bobblehead bitch who is a ho for TV!" "Tired Raggedy Ann bitch!" Sure, it's fun to watch, but -- oh wait, it isn't.

It gets heated enough that Big Rick has to come in and get between them, and suddenly New York gets louder for one last ten-second stretch before finally skipping away, laughingly yelling "I just f***ed up your date!"

Deelishis comes down, having changed into jeans and a skull t-shirt, and quietly kisses Flav, who's all done up in a red felt turban with matching outfit. "You're my chocolate man wonder," she says, her legs draped across his lap in the back of the limo, and they go to a sad little stretch of beach, where there's a camel which they ride to his little tent ["Welcome! To my LITTLE TENT!"] where there was a belly dancer and some added-in-postproduction sitar music. Nice cut from them smooching in the tent to the camel rubbing his lips in the sand outside.

I find I actually don't mind Deelishis. I wouldn't want to share opposite ends of a long table with her, but she's the most well-rounded of everyone who's left. Unfortunately, on this show, that's kind of a liability.

Flav starts. "You & Krazy was closer than Batman & F***in' Robin, what happened?" Deelishis, taking the bait when she really shouldn't for the second time today, tattles about Krazy being a opportunistic bitch. Flav, acting completely shocked and taken aback, respects her candor.

Cut to:

New York: "Krazy is so clueless!" [Krazy=Klueless Kount: 2.] "This is all a game. She thinks I really like her!" Then she laughs, like Vincent Price at the end of Thriller.

New York is back out on her balcony, putting baby-heads on sticks, and letting Krazy run off her mouth, when Bucky overhears Krazy talking to New York about her, and she comes out and steps to her. There's some shoving, and again, New York watches two other girls fight and can't suppress a laugh. Krazy at one point looks over at New York, who shrugs, like, "What am I, an idiot? You're on your own, lady."

* * *

New York, with her hair newly streaked to look not a little like Cruella De Ville: "Krazy is so clueless!" [K=KK: 3] "She has no idea this is all a game. She actually thinks I like her!" She shakes her head at the absurdity of the situation. She, evil as she is, is us.

Bootz & Buckeey fill Deelishus on the fight results before she's three steps in the door from her camel-date. Bootz & Krazy hear the bell for round two and start to yelling at each other again, and Flav hears the commotion, comes in, and gives New York a big fat kiss, just for show. New York can't help doing the little dance of triumph in her seat.

New York: "Look at all this drama that I, New York, created, and I got my man, Flav, right with me! You stupid ass whores!" (Not even "hoes." Whores!)

Back to Krazy & Bootz doing she-said-she-said for Flav while NY can't contain her glee. A shot of one of the techs running across the camera field completely destroys the gravitas and legitimacy of this erudite and studied debate between grown, rational adults. Oh, who am I kidding. It's Springer Nation out there.

Everyone packs for elimination night in quiet tension.

Flav sits New York down for a what-happened. "I wasn't there for one side or the other, but... [you can see her thinking how best to say this] I was in fear for Krazy's life. Buckeey almost pushed Krazy off the balcony." Flav acts horrified, thanking her for the information. The main drama in this series now has nothing to do with the girls getting on each other's nerves, and all about New York & Flav & who's f***ing each other over more. To be fair, that's infinitely more interesting than watching the tumbleweeds blow through the dusty corners of Krazy's brainpan.

Clock time!

1st clock to New York: "My man wasn't gonna cut me without spending time with me!"
2nd clock to Deelishis: New York: "That moustache that Deelishis is rocking is thicker than Flav's! Her shit-stained eye and that moustache has got to go!"
3rd clock: Bootz. Cut to Krazy issuing an impressive string of expletives.
4th & last clock: Krazy. Buckeey is out (it's so sad when the loser loses her nickmname and Buckeey becomes "Shay" again), because of the fight. Krazy is so happy she's literally crying about one of "the entourage" being kicked out of the house.

New York: "Krazy is so clueless!" [K=KK: 4.] "She really thinks we're friends!"

So for next week, this leaves New York & Krazy in one corner, and Deelishis & Bootz in the other. New York is targeting Deelishis next week, which makes sense, as she's the smartest one (and the only real competition) left. Bootz is so easy to manipulate and set off, and Krazy is both dumber than dirt & still useful to New York, so next week is set up.

The first commercial off the end of the show is of Buckwild being added to the cast of some other show, so I'm glad she's still able to get work, and I'm glad they let her keep that lame-ass name too, because she still has three and a half minutes left on her Big Fifteen, and heaven forbid Buck Wild get ripped off of that for even a second!

September 14, 2006


Lazily, I let my driver's license lapse and now I have to retest for a new one. I spent a few hours this afternoon at the DMV retaking the written test for my license - only 3 wrong and without studying. About 6 or 7 questions were dedicated to whether or not drunk driving is bad and what the legal consequences are. The test may have gotten easier over the last 20 years.

The time spent there was worth it because I have my Learner's Permit and can start practicing for my test. Even though, I took Driver's Ed in high school I still have to take a five hour driver's course to get the paperwork necessary for the road test portion. Fortunately, there are about 200 little driving schools in Astoria, so I shouldn't have any trouble finding a place to get my 5 hour certificate. I'm not sure where I'm going to take it or whose car I'm going to use. I guess I'll have borrow one from a family member. Hopefully my brother, sister-in-law or cousin won't mind.
Tomorrow Jon and I are going to Alabama via Atlanta to visit my father-in-law's family. I think in they are in the north east section of the state. We're also going to spend a few days on the Gulf coast aka the Redneck Riviera. Hopefully we'll be going fishing. I can't remember the last time I've been. I don't want to do anything fancy. I just want to throw in a rod and reel, listen to the splashing water and get some sun.
When we get back I'll be taking advantage of the gift certificate Jon gave me from Bliss. There are so many services to choose from but I think I might go for the Rubber Neck and the Fully Loaded Facial. Or I might just go all out and get the Ginger Rub. Of course after a week in the Alabama sunshine I may need something more aggressive for my face like the Crystal Clearing but we'll see. I am tempted by the Lymphatic Drainage, The Arm-istice, or the Deep Sea Detox.

It all looks good, so good.

39 Years Old

Yesterday was my 39th birthday. I wrote about and said that I was starting my 40th year of life. In my comment section, some people congratulated me for turning 40.

I didn't celebrate my 40th birthday. I'll do that next year.

If you're confused, think of it this way. When you celebrate your 1st birthday, your parents are throwing you a party because you've been on the planet for one full year. That day, you are also starting your second year of life.

So, yesterday I celebrated the end of my 39th year on the planet.

I know this is a revolutionary way of thinking but for those of you that are confused, maybe the above explanation will help you to understand.

September 13, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my birthday. I am 39 years old.

This means that today begins my 40th year of life on this planet.

Scary, right?

September 11, 2006


I started watching CNN's video of the news reports as they came in on 9/11.

After the second plane hit, I started crying and had to turn it off. It's just too sad.

So. I'm going back to watching the tape of yesterday's episode of Flavor of Love 2 and then I'm going to finish writing about it.

It's just too hard. Thinking about 9/11 happens all year long with me. Every time I'm in the subway and I hear about the rerouting of the trains because of construction down at Ground Zero.

Every time I walk down 5th Avenue and see all that sky, I think about it.

It's impossible to be a New Yorker and not think about it constantly. Reminders are everywhere.

I remember going into the city a week after it happened. Grand Central station was covered with Missing Posters of people who died in the Towers. The families were so hopeful that their relatives were missing and not dead.

So forgive me if I write about Flavor of Love 2. I know it's silly. But it's the best I can do.

Flavor of Love 2 - Episode 6

Who Loves New York
I'm sure a lot of us were disappointed when Flav decided against giving Like Dat a clock during the last elimination ceremony. And I'm sure we all understood why he did eliminate her after Flav introduced Tiffany "New York" Patterson. Originally, I believed he was being kind to her, not wanting to lead her on. But now, I think in addition to that, he knew that a woman like Like Dat could probably kill a woman like Tiffany "New York" Patterson. Not that she would but I'm guessing the producers didn't want to chance it. I figured out in those early moments of the show that New York was there to stir things up. This bunch has its conflicts but nothing as exciting as last season. New York was there to add flavor.

Segment I
The Return of Tiffany "New York" Patterson

So. With all that said. Let's get started. After Flav's ceremonial toast to the girl who left and the girls who remain, he introduced New York as a special guest. When she walked in the first thought I had was "she's had work done - an eye lift for sure". Remember how her eyes always seemed half closed last season?And she lost weight which I'm sure she did a very healthy and doctor approved manner. (It's shame when you're a pretty woman that's already getting unnecessary plastic surgery done in your early 20's.) For the most part, she looked pretty.

Flav greeted her with a long, tongue ridden kiss (after doing the same to Beatuful moments earlier if you remember. See Episode 5 recap - last part.) Cut to Deelishus miming throwing up and then cut to her camera interview. "I literally threw up in my mouth." Actually it was figuratively because she only mimed throwing up. But I won't split hairs. Then Bootz told the camera, "I'm so shocked he brung her here and what the &%#@ is she doing here?" He told the womyn that New York was there to help with the next elimination ceremony and they should make her feel at home.

Then Flav left her alone with them. He wasn't even to the top of the stairs when she started laying into them about how they better treat her right. Her delusional butt then told them that she was in charge of the next elimination ceremony - on the heels of Flav saying she was only there to "help".

Liquor is Quicker
The next scene found the viewer in the den or whatever Flav calls that room in his house with the bar. Buckwild had a drink ready for her but New York insisted she pour her a fresh glass because she didn't know or trust Buckwild and was scared she might slip her a mickey. New York wasted no time sizing up the women. She asked them how they felt about her being there. Bootz, God bless her, told New York that she didn't appreciate her being there because she was just one more woman in the house to distract her from her man. This didn't sit too well with New York and an argument ensued. At this point, I started hoping that New York wasn't on the show for the rest of the season because truly crazy people are hard to watch.

Cold Sore
Next, in the bedroom, the women were relaxing after a hard day of partying. They were discussing New York and how they resented having to be judged by that crazy woman. While this was going on, Krazy was in the bathroom. She looked grossed out. She told the camera that another woman in the house told her that Beatuful had a cold sore. She was concerned because of all the kissing that goes on in the house. Krazy walked into the bedroom and in front of everyone, asked Beatuful if she had a cold sore. Beatuful said she did have one and then said to the room, "You make it sound like I had AIDS or something" and laughed it off. Dr. Nibblz added that unless Flav used an alcohol wipe on his lips every time he kissed Beatuful, they might all end up with cold sores because cold sores are contagious. It would be disturbing if in upcoming episodes all the women had cold sores on their mouths. Yuck.

Back in the Saddle
Before the night was out, New York found her way back to Flav's bedroom. At this point, it was pointless thinking that New York was leaving after this episode. I was now convinced that she would be finishing the season with the other contestants. Because the producers were dedicating a lot of time to this story line.

She got into his bed and they started making out. If it went any further than kissing and petting, I doubt we'll ever really know the truth. Everything is so forced and fake with the two of them. Watching them act so wooden around each other, it's hard to believe that either of them thinks it's a good idea for them to be together. And watching them make out was nauseating. If you watch a re-run of this episode during the week be sure your stomach is empty.

Next Morning
By the time the women woke up, New York was already hogging the bathroom, so they went downstairs to read their Flavor-Gram. The day's activities were to be centered around Flav's photo shoot for Urb Magazine with the girls and he was putting New York in charge of getting them ready because she was the best at looking good and representing her man. The Flavor-Gram ended with the news that Flav had dresses waiting for them upstairs. All the women started running so they could choose a dress and get ready. Buckwild told the camera that even though New York was supposed to be in charge of getting them ready, she was in the bathroom putting on even more makeup.

Then after hogging up the bathroom for most of the morning, New York told everyone they had 30 minutes to get ready. Cut to women scurrying around their suite. Cut to New York downstairs tapping her foot and looking at her watch. Cut to women scurrying. Cut to New York screaming at them to get their asses downstairs. Cut to New York telling the camera that she's back.

All this happened in just the first 10 minutes of the show.

Segment II
Fashion Show
After the commercial break, New York was screaming up the stairs for the girls to come down. She screamed and she screamed and she screamed. Buckwild was the first one downstairs because she was actually trying to make a good impression on psychobitch. Bootz was last. And New York demanded an apology. She didn't get one. The girls stood in a line so New York get a good look at them to make sure they were ready. She put them under the microscope and made suggestions to help improve their collective appearance. Then she sent the girls back upstairs to make improvements.

She lined them up and Flav came down and was impressed with how good everyone looked. He asked New York how she did it. And she said it wasn't easy and listed each of the flaws she had to correct. Then she told the camera how difficult it was for her to help Flav choose from this bunch because she kept replaying their history in her head. Boo hoo. I'm convinced at this point that she is going to be in every episode from here on in. And then I remembered reading somwhere that the two of them are slotted for a reality show together. And then it all started making sense. The producers were setting us up for a future reality show starring New York and Flav.

The segment ended with everyone sitting together uncomfortably in the combination SUV/Limousine. Flav comments that he's never seen the contestants so quiet. In his camera interview he said that there were two vibes in the car. One was coming from the girls and the other from New York. The girls' vibe was wishing that New York would go home and New York's vibe was claiming victory over Flav

Segment III
Limousine Con't
In the limo, Flav started an uncomfortable conversation with Nibblz. He told her she's a beautiful person, that she is what she is. And then in front of everyone, he said he would have trouble figuring out how he could fit her into his life if were to keep her around. He told the camera he was concerned how his children would be affected by having a stripper in their lives. It's interesting to me how a man who is on a show that suggests he sleeps with a different woman every night, would be concerned that his children would upset that one of those woman has a pole in her living room.

URB Magazine Shoot
In short:
New York told all the women they were slobs.
New York had a tantrum because Flav seemingly sided with Buckwild after a confrontation.
Krazy picked a fight with New York accusing her of not really being in charge of eliminations which turned physical.
URB Magazine interviewed the girls who identified BOOTZ as the biggest bitch and Krazy as the biggest fake.
Flav tells the girls that New York is not in charge of eliminations and then speaks with New York about her impression of the girls. She thought Nibblz was nasty, Bootz and Deelishus were the most genuine, Buckeey and Beatuful were too flat, and Buckwild and Krazy were fakes.

Back at the Mansion
Deelishus and New York were having a heart to heart which Krazy was listening to intently because it was about her. Krazy, not one to stand by idly while her character was being slandered, walked in on the conversation and confronted Deelishus. The argument was again about the "real reason" why Krazy was there. Flav overheard everything and got involved in the conversation. When he found out that Krazy had been telling the other women about his personal business he was very upset. Deelishus certainly didn't think that Krazy should be talking out of school about her private time wtih Flav. Flav agreed that what happens in his hot tub should stay in his hot tub.

He had a private conversation with Krazy to find out if what the other women were saying is true. He must really like this one because in spite of what everyone has told him about her being a big, fat phony he believes every word that comes out of her mouth. It's credit to the unstoppable power of pretty. Pretty is often associated with honest. And she is very pretty.

During their time alone she told him that she wasn't going to kiss him and then told him that Beatuful had a cold sore. Talk about desperation. But it worked. And Flav brought that information with him to the elimination ceremony.

Segment IV
The first two women to receive clocks were Deelishus and Bootz. The next two were Buckeey and Buckwild. That left Krazy, Nibblz and Beatuful. He gave a clock to Krazy - fake as she is, she was still prettier than the other two women. He called Beatuful over too tell her that he needed a more aggressive woman and set her home. Then he called Nibblz over and said that he admired her honesty about being a stripper but didn't see her fitting anywhere into his life because he didn't think his children would accept his relationship with an internet stripper.

Then the unthinkable happened. Just when the women thought the show was over, Flav gave New York her old clock back and asked her to rejoin the show.

This was unacceptable to Buckwild. She went over to Flav and handed him back her clock. She didn't think New York was stable and feared for her safety. She went on for about 30 seconds regarding her fears when Flav noticed that her accent disappeared. I didn't hear that it disappeared. She always sounded the same to me but I guess to someone with an ear for accents as sophisticated as Flava Flav, there was a difference. Buckwild told the camera in the end that she didn't want to end up back in jail for violating her parole and she was scared a physical confrontation with New York was eminent.

Apparently she's right because in the previews for the weeks to come, New York is seen pushing people around.

Final Thought
They ruined the show. They brought New York back and they ruined a show. They took a show that was already bad but in a fun way and are turning into a show that will be bad in a bad way. I'm very disappointed.

September 09, 2006


Friday, Jon and I rode our bikes all the way to Flushing Meadow Corona Park. We weren't in the part of the park with the big unisphere. We were on the promenade which wraps around Flushing Bay. We rode our new route past the park, up 20th Avenue and across the Grand Central Parkway.
Flushing Corona Park Sign

After crossing the Grand Central Parkway, we rode east on 23rd Avenue. The last time we went this way, I had to turn back around 91st Street or so because the hill was too challenging. This time I made it up the hill (YAY!) and coasted down after cresting the mighty peak as a reward. 23rd Street turned into Ditmars and it was on Ditmars that Jon showed me this entrance to the overpass which brings you to the promenade.
To the Park

From the overpass you get a good view of LaGuardia airport. A good view isn't necessarily a nice picture, however, and I refrained from taking a boring shot of the Delta terminal.

No fashionable New York landmark would be caught dead without a marker. The Flushing Bay Promenade is no exception.
Flushing Bay Promenade Sign

All along the promenade, you can find alphabet tiles that provide an animal and plant for each animal. I photographed J and V for Jon and me. Notice Jon got the cool predatory jaguar while I got the vile, carrion-eating scavenger also known as the vulture.
J is for JaguarV is for Vulture

There's a marina in Flushing Bay. And if you can overlook the ever present garbage, the boats make for a beautiful scene.
Flushing Bay
Flushing Bay 2

In the end we rode almost 15 miles there and back.

It felt good.

On our next ride, we're going to follow Ditmars directly to Corona Park. Pictures to follow.

September 08, 2006

Subway Entrance

Subway Entrance

Fame Really Does Become Him

I'm back at the Bernard B. Jacobs (formerly the Royale) Theater this week to work their new show. As you may or may not recall, the last show that I worked there was the disastrously painful Three Days of Rain starring Broadway neophyte Julia Roberts. Well. That's finished now and the Jacobs has a show that will hopefully keep the ushers and other house staff employed for a long time.

Fame Becomes Me is Martin Short's "one man" show. One man is in quotes because he has a supporting cast of 5 to help tell his "life" story. Life is in quotes because a lot of what he shares with the audience, as he tells in the first act, is a bunch of lies. No matter because the lies make a really, really good show.

One of his supporting cast is Mary Birdsong who you may know from Reno 911. She is freaking hilarious and does a spot on Jodi Foster impersonation during the course of the show. She is one of those Broadway talents that's just dripping with. . . well. . . talent. She sings, dances, has perfect comedic timing and on top of everything else is really pretty.

It's a clever show that uses Martin Short's "life" story as an opportunity to make fun of the entertainment industry.

The first parody is a scene from "The Man in the Moon" which allegedly stars Martin Short's father, Shim O'Short, in a Canadian version of The Wizard of Oz. Mary Birdsong, does a spot on impersonation of Judy Garland playing a young farmer's daughter who is looking for the salesman that got away. Martin Short as Shim O'Short plays the fence who is hoping the Man in the Moon can help him make up his mind. He is dressed like a picket fence. When he sings, he is definitely singing in the style of Ray Bolger - like one of those old time crooners. You have to see it. It's very funny. Everybody was roaring with laughter.

The following scenes are equally smart and equally funny.

And Martin Short really sells it. He's funny, funny, funny, energetic and funny.

Go see this one. There are a lot of good surprises.

September 05, 2006

Flavor of Love 2 - Episode 5

Famous Friends and Strangeness
In an attempt at narrative the show loosely follows two story lines.
Like Dat and Buckwild - get into it because of Buckwild's black affectation
Krazy and Bootz - get into it because Bootz thinks Krazy is a fake ass bitch

Morning at the Manor
After being treated to watching Flava's honeys wake up and rub their eyes, we see Like Dat questioning the validity of Buckwild's ghettoness. She couldn't believe that Buckwild is the way she is and started asking her question after question.

Next we had to watch the women eating breakfast, with an emphasis on Like Dat's table manners. It was cut in such a way that you'd think everyone was just sitting there doing nothing except watching Like Dat eat her breakfast. The belching was a nice touch. The other women at the table were shocked and appalled that Like Dat burped but come on. If a woman can't belch in front of other women what does that say about the state of sisterhood today.

Anyway, after the belching incident, Big Rick came in with a Flavorgram which Buckwild delivered with her usual cross culturally accented flair. The women had to set up a pool party for some of Flav's friends. This led Buckeey to speculate that this might be a trick like last season and that Flav's friends might be bratty children or creepy old people. (Cut to footage from last season of New York and an old lady who needed help with her dentures. Could this have been foreshadowing on the part of the show's producer?)

At this point Bootz continued her camera conversation from the morning about how she's sick of everyone and that this party was just what she's been waiting for to relieve the tedium of hanging out with "all these bitches". Like Dat was thrilled because she knew all about pool BBQ's because that's the kind of thing she does back home with her friends.

Pool Party
While the women were setting up the pool party, which basically involved throwing toys into the pool and setting up the bar, Deelishus and Buckeey were upstairs discussing the oiliness of Deelishus's hair. They were getting ready for the party while the other women were outside complaining that they disappeared. Buckwild came in to tell them that Like Dat and the others were mad, but they didn't seem to care. Then Like Dat came in and started getting ready and complaining. Deelishus and Buckeey still didn't seem to care. Buckeey told the camera that Like Dat is fat and unhappy and has a fat ass, or something to that effect.

The girls were sitting in the garden ready and waiting, speculating about who was coming. Flav came out in his dollar-bill covered robe and told the girls to be good hosts. I could have sworn he said hoes but when I rewound the tape and played his speech again, I heard hosts - definitely hosts. He teased them by saying it wasn't old folks that were coming but new folks. Cut to Buckwild guessing that Snoop Dog was coming through the front door because she always thinks that Snoop Dog is about to walk through her door. Bootz guessed crackheads. (She wasn't too far off).

After an exceedingly long commercial break, featuring the Sunsilk commercial with Mario Cantone screaming relentlessly at beautiful women with bad hair, we were back at the manor. Flav came running down the stairs to meet and greet his guests - all rap artists. He told them to go out to the pool to meet the eight women that were still competing for his love. He asked his friends to test them - to make sure that they were really there for Flav and for the right reasons.

Party Guests
The next scene was Big Rick announcing the party guests. He showed a lot of personality when he did this task. First he announced "G-G-G-G Unit". All the girls started screaming and ran towards G-Unit (nice website). Bootz's camera interview was singled out because she really, really, really seemed to like them.

Then Big Rick announced DJ Quick which resulted in more screaming. Buckwild was particularly impressed. According to her "He is the coolest fool on the planet."

The Ying Yang Twins (note the incorrect spelling of Yin, unless of course their last name is Ying Yang , then I apologize, but I seriously doubt it) were next - completely overdressed for a pool party, I might add. Buckwild greeted them with a warm embrace and exclaimed that they were indeed "some fine ass twins." Their song Booty, Booty, Booty popped up on the sound track. Apparently, and you'll read more about his in a minute, they really, really, really like women's behinds.

When Bishop Don "Magic" Juan walked in, Nibblz jumped up to greet him. Talk about overkill. He was wearing a top hat, a cape, a three piece suit and he was carrying a scepter. In her camera interview Nibblz said that he was the schnazziest dresser she had ever seen and that he smelled really good which I doubt because he had to have been sweating buckets under all that suffocating regalia. "My God. This man smells good", she said. Yeah right! Give us a break!

Warren G came in and he was all alone. All the other guys had posses but not Warren G. He was too cool for a posse. Like Dat ran over to greet him. She was so excited to see him and gave him a big a hug. She told the camera that he knows how to "make a sista' feel real good." This is something she says a lot.

Last but not least, Big Rick finished his introductions with the arrival of Three 6 Mafia.

Booty Dance
With all the party guests poolside and the women properly lubricated with alcoholic beverages, the fun was underway. Here we got a lot of quick cuts of the women dancing for Flav's guests. Then the show settled for a moment on Bootz. Bootz told the camera that Flav told them to entertain his friends and that nothing was more entertaining than her booty dance. There didn't seem to much more to the choreography than her bending over and bouncing her behind up and down. She was stickin' it and shakin' it in everybody's faces and here is where the Krazy/Bootz story line began. Krazy told the camera that she could see everything through Bootz's panties and that she doesn't have to bend over every time she meets a man. (Wait a second. Who is that man in the distance watching the party through a telescope? Why it's Flav. Flav was watching as she bounced around and told us that she was doing a little rump shaker. This made him happy. Gleeful, in fact.)

When she does her booty dance for The Ying Yang Twins we hear the Booty Booty Booty song. Then in a language that sounded very similar to English, they invite Bootz to be in their next music video. She gratefully declined because she wasn't there for that and she didn't want Flav to get the wrong idea.

The Stand Out
We see Nibblz entertaining the troops. She wanted be the stand out babe that entertained the entourage while the stars got attention from the other girls. She was giving them lap dances and exposing body parts. That would make her stand out. She was particularlty focused on a very heavy man and told us that she understood "the joys of a big belly". (Did you hear that? That was an entire nation saying YUCK.) Shortly after that she threw up all the liquor she couldn't handle and went to bed. Wouldn't you know that Like Dat was by her side, holding her hair for her while she puked.

The Fony
Then we see Krazy hangin' out with Three 6 Mafia and by the time Flav came out to join the party, they were picking on her because she didn't know any of Flavor Flav's music. This was a painfully long scene in which they repeatedly ask her why she's there, why doesn't she know his music, how she knows he's a nice guy - and I think it was all to set up the confrontation coming later in the show between Bootz and Krazy. Bootz tells the camera that Krazy is so stupid.

After Party
When the celebration was over, his friends helped him assess the remaining contestants and Flav pretended like their feed back meant something to him. They all liked Like Dat's personality the best while the other women mostly received comments about their luscious booties.

Later on in the day, Like Dat started calling out Buckwild again and started questioning her ghetto authenticity. She pushed it so far that Buckwild broke down and started crying and started packing to go home. Like Dat talked her down off the cliff and comforted Buckwild by cuddling with her in bed. And a collective YUCK could be heard from the streets.

Bonita Applebum
The next morning, Flav decided he was going to spend some time with Buckeey and found her downstairs shortly after waking up. He tells her she looks good in the morning and brings her upstairs. A few seconds later, Like Dat followed with the camera right on her rump. I thought that was mean. She was clearly upset and told the camera that Flav wasn't spending time with her because he was going after the smaller women first. (Did I ever tell you how much I hate it when heavy people are being made fun of? This was no exception. That camera angle didn't do her any favors and if I were her I would seriously call VH1 to task on that.) Buckeey and Flav cuddled in his room for a while and he grabbed her behind - a lot. He was happy to have his hands on that "big ole apple she has down there." Buckeey confided to the camera that she thought now that they've had their moment together she thought that Flav was feeling her more. Yeah. A lot more. There may have seen some dry humping involved.

Krazy v. Bootz
Now here is the point in the show where the Bootz/Krazy storyline came to a boil. Bootz told the camera that she is sick of Krazy and her fakeness. She went downstairs and sat across from Krazy while she was sitting and talking to Nibblz at the dining room table and started laying into her for being in the mansion for the wrong reasons. Krazy tried to defend herself but Bootz wouldn't let up. Krazy did throw it in her face that she was a slut. The fight got really escalated and Flav watched them like they were the US Open. The fight went on and on while Flav watched with the girls.

In the end he was so impressed with Bootz that he wanted to spend some alone time with her and took her to the pool to go swimming. He made some stupid remark about her breast size (they are pretty big) and then asked her jump into the pool so he could watch her bounce. In the pool, he started hugging and kissing on her. He told the camera "I wanna slip through her molecules of wetness like a slippery eel through seaweed." And again a collective YUCK is heard across the nation. He claimed their time together was BRUTAFUL. (What is wrong with this man that he has mispronounce everything? I've heard interviews with members of his family. They all speak like normal people. Why does he choose this weird way of talking?)

A Cry For Help
All of the attention that Flav was giving to other women, prompted Like Dat to make a move. She went to visit Flav in his room where he was playing something basic and childish on his electric keyboard. They did a little duet of It's Like Dat and That's the Way it Is.

Then she said something to him that was pretty disturbing. She may have sunk her ship with it. She told him she'd heard a rumour that Flav didn't want to lay with a big girl because he was scared of the roll over and getting crushed or something like dat.

Then she left the room to get her lingerie. Again, I could just kick VH1 in the nuts for this. It was a desperate moment for her as she showed him her oversized lingerie. When she was finished showing it to him, Flav asked her to leave so he could fall down on the floor and laugh. He did say she was nice and that he shouldn't be laughing but that didn't stop him from singing "she's a big one. A mighty big one" while playing basic chords on his stupid little fake ass casio piano with the abridged keyboard. He probably wouldn't even know what to do with 88 keys.

Good-bye Like Dat
To make a short story long, Flav eliminated Like Dat and then made out with Beatuful. He couldn't see himself with her physically. He could only see her as a friend. As he was saying goodbye to her, he told her that he didn't want to lead her on because he had too much respect for her.

But the show wasn't over yet.

After they toasted to Like Dat's departure, Flav lined up the girls because he was expecting one more special guest.

In walks New York, aka Tiffany Patterson, the nut bag that got spit on last season for being a bitch. He made out with her immediately and a collective YUCK was heard across the nation. She looks like she's had a quite a bit of work done and by work I mean plastic surgery. Apparently she's there to help him suss out who is really there for him and not for the TV cameras.

The previews for the next show looked promising.

The Steinway Mansion

The last time Jon and I went bike riding, we rode down Berrian Place. At one point, I noticed a small road going up hill but didn't think anything of it. Then when I wrote about our last bike ride, Vidiot mentioned that we were near the Steinway Mansion and I figured out that the small road I'd noticed was probably the path to the mansion.

So, today we went to check it out. It wasn't as exciting as I thought. It is a cool old ivy covered house made of stone sitting on a nice piece of property.
Steinway Mansion

But clearly, somebody is living there and they've completed gated the house and bought a guard dog. After I took this picture of the Indian statue in the garden, a dog snuck up behind us and started barking.
Steinway Mansion Indian Statue
We turned around and saw a fluffy looking mutt. He wasn't that scary looking except that was unleashed and had no collar. He looked like a wild dog. We hesitated for a moment because we didn't want to run and excite the dog any further. I was very scared because I just finished a book about dangerous dogs which told cautionary stories about victims of dog attacks. Jon wisely suggested that we walk away slowly with our bicycles because riding them out might cause the dog to snap at our ankles.

The dog watched as we started walking our bikes away and returned to the garden through the gate which he shouldn't have been able to pass through. He was just warning us. He was a well-trained dog with good impulse control because he didn't chase us and he didn't bark again.

But I was disappointed because I did want to snap off a few more pictures.

Here are some other pictures from today's ride. We passed by Astoria Park where you can see the Triborough Bridge, the East River, Randall's Island and the Hell Gate Bridge.
Hell Gate Bridge

Our plan was to go all the way up to Flushing Meadows Corona Park and as we were crossing over the Grand Central Parkway on 81st Street, I stopped to take this picture. Grand Central Parkway

We then rode East on 23rd Avenue but it started to get really, really hilly. Too hilly for me and I had to call it quits on riding to Corona Park. So we turned right on to the block where Malcolm X used to live to see if we could see his house. That was somewhere in the 90's in East Elmhurst near LaGuardia airport. I can't remember where exactly. We didn't see the house because there wasn't any marker or anything that we noticed. Presumably, another family lives there now.

Anyway, we continued in that direction because I wanted to get to 32nd Avenue so I could show Jon where I used to teach but the hills in East Elmhurst were unrelenting. At some point, we just headed home down 32nd Avenue and that was nice because most of it was downhill. We encountered a couple of more hills after that but it wasn't too bad.

Jon told me afterwards that we had only ridden about 9.5 miles but with those hills it felt like 15 miles to me. Of course he continued his ride after dropping me off at home and did an additional 10 or 15 miles.

Overall it was a good ride.

I love my new bike.

Death by Sting Ray

Last night, Jon and I were listening to late night radio when it came over the wire that Steve Irwin, aka The Crocodile Hunter, died. The story reported was that a stingray stabbed him in the heart with its barb. I read an account today that before losing consciousness he pulled the barb out of his chest. He died shorly thereafter. He was shooting footage for a special in Queensland. The incident and his death are on tape.

At the time of the news report, his wife hadn't yet been informed because she was on a mountain climbing expedition, only where I'm not sure. But she must know of his death by now and I do not envy her her sadness. She's probably devastated.

He was only 44 years old. That's not too much older than Jon and me.

I was never really a fan of his but I always liked him in interviews and in snippets of his programs that I've seen. It is always sad when someone dies before their time. He was a nice man, interested in animals and conservation, with a lively personality and a young family.

I'm sure he'll be missed.

September 03, 2006

Sweeney Todd - Final Day

Show number one for the day is finished, done, kaput. The cast was teary eyed during the warmup before the show but managed to keep it together for the second to last performance. The ushers have been talking (some grumbling) about the fact that they weren't invited to the cast party. The producer didn't invite anyone that works for the house and by house I mean theater. Apparently that's unusual.

They attribute their not being invited to the fact that the show's producer is throwing the party as opposed to who else, I'm not quite sure. By mentioning this fact, I'm assuming they think that the producer is too cheap to invite the theater's staff.

I don't know what to think.

I've been in many houses where the ushers have an inflated view of their importance, actually considering themselves to be equal to the writers, directors and/or cast of whatever show is playing in their theater. I'm not saying that this is the case with this show. If anything the staff is very often in awe of the performers and speak about them with great respect.

I think there are some hurt feelings. I've worked at this theater a lot and the cast is very nice. I've witnessed several cast/house staff conversations behind the scenes. I would even go as far as to say that the cast is friends with people working the house. So this is more of a case of hurt feelings than of over inflated egos. This theater has one of the nicest staffs of all the theaters I've worked at. This is not to say that they are perfect or that all their social graces are in tact. But as opposed to other theaters where I work, the ushers are quite approachable and even friendly.

It does seem odd that the producers of the show would exclude the people who helped his show run smoothly. But then again, I haven't spoken with him so I really can't judge. It's possible that the cast isn't as excited to hang out with the ushers as the ushers are to hang out with the cast. I don't blame them. Sometimes talent is as talent does and with whom talent hangs out. And there does sometimes appear to be a huge gaping gulf in their commonality.

I'm looking forward to the final performance. If you've never seen a final show, it can get pretty emotional. And usually the cast let it all hang loose and perform their parts like they've always wanted to as opposed to how they were directed.

We'll see how it goes tonight.

I imagine there will be some tears.

September 02, 2006

Cyber Cafe

I'm at they Cyber Cafe on 49th street down the block from Sweeney Todd. I have to be back at the theater in 10 minutes for the third to last performance.

It's cold. It's raining. And I have to go to the bathroom.

Anything else you want to know?

Cool Weather At Last

Steinway ParkingNow that the weather has finally cooled down a bit, I can really enjoy my new bicycle. Jon and I went riding on Friday to explore those parts of Queens unknown to us. I told him I wanted to see Steinway & Sons - where they make Steinway pianos - so he looked it up on Mapquest and off we went.

We rode into a strong wind North of Astoria Park along the East River up until the Con Edison plant where we made a right on 20th Avenue. It was up hill for about 3/4 of a mile but finally evened out around 32nd Street. (Con Edison's plant is on a huge piece of real estate by the way.) We eventually made a left onto Steinway Place and headed toward the legendary piano factory. Approaching the factory from 19th Avenue, I was a little disappointed. It didn't look anything like the elegant pianos produced inside. It looked like a big brick monolith with parking.

To make myself feel a little better I took this picture of Jon fooling around on his bike.

We continued down the block a ways and found the main entrance which looks like the front door of one of those fancy brick mansions.
Steinway Jon

And here is a detail of smaller bronze sign attached to the brick.
Steinway Sign

We followed Steinway Place to its end. And at the end we found Astoria Energy which I never knew existed. It apparently opened in February and works together with Con Ed to provide electricity to northern Queens. Awesome would be the appropriate word to describe the enormity of the plant. I wanted to take pictures but I was reluctant because there was a guy walking around the grounds with a big wrench. I smiled at him when he caught me looking through the fence and he did smile back in turn - real friendly like. I'm sure I could have taken pictures no problem but I didn't feel like testing the situation. After all, our mission was to get exercise - not do a photo essay on Astoria.

So. . . we got back on our bikes and headed out for more exploration. We got back on to 19th Avenue and made a left on Steinway Street because there was an old brick building I wanted to check out. I'm not really sure what it was but it had the New Amsterdam seal on it. Here are some pictures. It could have been the building for the water treatment plant which was right nearby and not smelling so sweet I might add.

It's at the corner of Steinway Street and Berrian Place

Here is the building.
Cool Old Building

And here is the New Amsterdam seal - a detail from the building.
Cool Old building detail 2
Contained in the seal are two barrels, a wind mill and two beavers. The barrels represent the flour that is milled by the wind mills and the two beavers represent the fur trade. The New Amsterdam seal is often found on municipal buildings in New York.

Before this ride, I'd never even heard of Berrian Place. Jon and I saw this as a further opportunity to explore. Either a water or sewage treatment plant or both make up most of Berrian Place. This was the less aromatic part of the ride. When we could we turned off onto 45th Street and picked up 19th Avenue going East.

We continued until we rode to the Rikers Island Bridge (see below). As long as I've lived in northern Queens I've never gone this far north either alone or with someone else.
Riker's Island Bridge

Rikers Island, as you probably know, is an enormous prison in the East River.
Riker's Sign

Not only was this my first time seeing the bridge but it was also the first time I've seen a Bail Bonds establishment. Isn't this a cute sign? It says "Are you tired of coming to Rikers? We get your loved ones out." Apparently Bad Apple is a well establish bail bonds business.

We continued on into East Elmhurst and eventualy rode back home. We rode a little over 10 miles and I felt really good afterwards. Jon continued on after I quit and rode an additional 10 miles or so. He's so good.

The cooler weather is so much better for exercising. Don't you think?