September 30, 2006

Flavor of Love 2 - Episode 8

With Bootz remaining adamant regarding her stance on remaining celibate with Flava Flav until their marriage night, she signed her own walking papers. She was not given a clock at the end of the day. In her exit interview she was a very good sport. She knew that she was eliminated because she didn't want to participate in a one night stand. Nor did she want to give the impression that she is easy or that work wasn't required to get into her pants. With that said, let's start the recap.
Dinosaur Tongue Has Cooties
Big Rick opened this episode. Our first glimpse at the day was a shot of Big Rick polishing Flav's T-Rex lawn ornament with special emphasis on the dinosaur's tongue. Perhaps this was foreshadowing of the day's events and indeed it seemed that the day involved a lot of tongue polishing but not before the contestant's received the day's Flavagram. In true Big Rick fashion, he dropped the message on the table and got the blank out of dodge.

Throughout the show, the women have been taking turns reading the Flavagrams aloud. Today was New York's turn. She read that Flav thought the remaining women were "prime cut" and that he was going to be "slicking things up". Flav would spend that day and evening on private dates with Krazy and Deelishus and then New York and Bootz the day after. New York was so distraught over the news that she wasn't in the first group, that she stormed out of the room in tears leaving the other women behind to laugh at and make fun of her. This involved Bootz giggling while Deelishus dramatically recreated New York's dramatic reading of the gram. Upon reading the message aloud, Deelishus discovered that New York read "slicking" instead of "slicing" and laughed at her illiteracy. She attributed her degree in English for her superior ability to differentiate between the two words. It was a colorful moment.

By The Sea, By The Sea
So, we skip ahead to Krazy and Deelishus as they are walking onto a pier. They were ready for their date which was to be on a small yacht. Flav greeted them and then introduced them to the captain of the boat who would be taking them out that day. (I was very thankful to see that there was a grown up supervising if not the sexual activities, the sailing activities at least . That meant that the producers had seen VH1's Driven and were familiar with Flav's history of breaking and crashing expensive things.) The date involved almost everything but sailing. It involved Flav watching the women's rumps while they were hoisting sails. It involved Deelishus making out with Flav after finding the expensive diamond earring that fell out of his ear from the exertion of sitting around and watching the jiggle show. It involved Krazy muscling in on Deelishus's tongue swabbing session by sucking Flav's tongue out of Deelishus's mouth and inserting it into her own Krazy mouth. It involved Deelishus downstairs getting sea sick.

After Krazy chased Deelishus away, Deelishus was shown lying on a bed next to Flav's clock, complaining that she was sick to her stomach - from both the impropriety of Krazy's actions and the motion of the ocean. Up on the boat, Krazy had Flav all to herself. Viewers were treated to a seemingly endless shot of her cleansing Flav's tongue with the rough circular motions of her own muscular, mouth organ. If you just shuddered with revulsion, that was the appropriate response.

Later that day Flav took the girls to where they would be staying that evening. Flav had made reservations for him and the girls on the Queen Mary for dinner and nookie. When the girls got to their rooms they found cute little matching dresses with long elegant gloves. Interviews with each of the women while they were getting ready, readied the viewer for the battle to come. Deelishus surmised that Flav was going to spend the night with one of them and she hoped it was her and not Krazy because she just wouldn't be able to go with Flav after he'd been with Krazy. (Flav kept referring to the ship as the QUEEEEEEEEEN Mary as if he'd never heard of it before. I suppose if he'd had, he might lose some "cred" with his "peeps" or something like that. He described the ship as being haunted. That's first time I'd ever heard that. Maybe it was the brochure.)

Once at dinner, it was on. Flav told the women he wanted to find out how they felt about and asked Krazy straight out what she thought they had in common. She said something incomprehensable but seemingly heartfelt. All the while Deelishus rolled her eyes. She summed up Krazy's love confession by saying "blah blah blah blah" to the camera. Deelishus does not think that Krazy is REAL or that anything she tells Flav is TRUE. When Flav asked Krazy if she wanted to be singer, Deelishus felt so justified that Krazy was finally going to be revealed as a phony. But he doesn't really care, does he? She's pretty. What does it matter to him if she wants a singing career? If anything, it bodes well for him that this pretty girl would be willing to sleep with him just to advance her career. I still don't understand why the other women thinks this puts Krazy at a disadvantage. But as Krazy told him about her hopes and dreams of becoming a singer and how expensive it was to cut a demo, Deelishus was smiling like the cat that at the canary because she thought that Krazy was finally showing her true colors.

When Flav asked Deelishus how she felt about him, she tearfully replied that she cared for him more than she expected to and guess what. He chose her for the one night stand instead of Krazy. But in the end it didn't matter. Because in spite Deelishus's best effort, the day had gotten the better of Flav and he fell asleep on her.

Bootz and New York
While the above date was going on, Bootz was treated to her own private showing of all of New York's misgivings, insecurities and self-doubts. She turned to Bootz for comfort because there was no one else there. Bootz was shown listening, in a half-hearted way, to all of New York's claims on Flav's heart and Flav's time.

By the time the next day rolled around, Bootz must have known she was going home, she had to have known. If New York was evident of what Flav wanted in a woman, she had to know that there was no way in hell she stood a chance of staying instead of New York as their three way date would prove later in the day.

Their date was at a winery. At first, I thought the date looked to be an actual romantic date but that notion was quickly dispelled. The date started with a horseback ride to the shady spot in the vineyard where the date would take place. The women should have been forewarned that they were going to be riding horses on their dates. But I have to admit it was pretty funny watching them climb into their saddles clad in miniskirts and f*** me pumps. When New York climbed on her horse, she was absolutely terrified. The woman was shaking. The horse must have sensed her fear because it started running uncontrollably - so much so, their riding coach had to interfere and slow the horse down. I guess I should have found that funny but I didn't really because it wasn't.

Anyway, once they arrived at their destination a grownup, similar in manner and disposition to the captain of the yacht, served them lunch and treated them to a tasting of the vineyard's latest vintages. Bootz was feeling admittedly out of place, because her only drinking experience had been with Hennesy and Vodka. New York just rambled on and on about how special it was to be at a vineyard and how back home, she never really had much opportunity for experiences like this. (I just kept wondering how anybody could get so excited about California wines.) After their meal, the grownup showed them their next vintage. It was in a big vat full of grapes waiting to be stomped. The girls took off their hooker clothes to reveal bikinis underneath and Flav changed into his bathing suits. If you guessed that they would be using their bodies to create the next vintage of wine then you guessed correctly. What followed was an experience not even Bacchus could never have foreseen. It was drunken, sloppy and pointless.

After the wine stomping the group took a three way shower which almost made me feel dirty. Flav was doing his best to crawl into Bootz's skin from behind while New York ardently pushed her hips into his backside. More tongue was seen than necessary I might add. Apparently, Flav can not kiss a woman with a closed mouth. Someone should tell Flav that every now and then, a closed mouth is kiss is nice.

Walking Shoes
Flav took the girls to a nice hotel and dressed them in pretty outfits and then met with them a few hours later for their three way date. Flav seemed incredibly interested in Bootz because he continually ignored New York while trying to get further into Bootz's pants. New York stomped off in a mad huff because Flav was spending too much time talking to Bootz. He chased after her (which she claimed to be part of her plan) and in the end, he chose New York for his evening tryst. Sound effects were plentiful as New York made sounds of rapture behind the closed door of their hotel suite. In her camera interview, New York went on and on about how wonderful their time was together. She spoke in hyperboles and used words that she made up for the most part. This woman may be a lot of things, but proficient in speaking the English langugage is not one of them.

At the elimination ceremony Bootz was sent home. Flav cited her celibacy as the reason because, as he reminded the TV audience in his one on one with the camera, he was looking for someone he could kick it with right now and had no interest in marriage.

In next week's coming attractions, we learned that Flav's children will be grilling the remaining women. Then Flav will meet with the parents of the women that are left. If I'm not mistaken at least one of Flav's children appeared to be the same age as the contestants.

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