September 05, 2006

Flavor of Love 2 - Episode 5

Famous Friends and Strangeness
In an attempt at narrative the show loosely follows two story lines.
Like Dat and Buckwild - get into it because of Buckwild's black affectation
Krazy and Bootz - get into it because Bootz thinks Krazy is a fake ass bitch

Morning at the Manor
After being treated to watching Flava's honeys wake up and rub their eyes, we see Like Dat questioning the validity of Buckwild's ghettoness. She couldn't believe that Buckwild is the way she is and started asking her question after question.

Next we had to watch the women eating breakfast, with an emphasis on Like Dat's table manners. It was cut in such a way that you'd think everyone was just sitting there doing nothing except watching Like Dat eat her breakfast. The belching was a nice touch. The other women at the table were shocked and appalled that Like Dat burped but come on. If a woman can't belch in front of other women what does that say about the state of sisterhood today.

Anyway, after the belching incident, Big Rick came in with a Flavorgram which Buckwild delivered with her usual cross culturally accented flair. The women had to set up a pool party for some of Flav's friends. This led Buckeey to speculate that this might be a trick like last season and that Flav's friends might be bratty children or creepy old people. (Cut to footage from last season of New York and an old lady who needed help with her dentures. Could this have been foreshadowing on the part of the show's producer?)

At this point Bootz continued her camera conversation from the morning about how she's sick of everyone and that this party was just what she's been waiting for to relieve the tedium of hanging out with "all these bitches". Like Dat was thrilled because she knew all about pool BBQ's because that's the kind of thing she does back home with her friends.

Pool Party
While the women were setting up the pool party, which basically involved throwing toys into the pool and setting up the bar, Deelishus and Buckeey were upstairs discussing the oiliness of Deelishus's hair. They were getting ready for the party while the other women were outside complaining that they disappeared. Buckwild came in to tell them that Like Dat and the others were mad, but they didn't seem to care. Then Like Dat came in and started getting ready and complaining. Deelishus and Buckeey still didn't seem to care. Buckeey told the camera that Like Dat is fat and unhappy and has a fat ass, or something to that effect.

The girls were sitting in the garden ready and waiting, speculating about who was coming. Flav came out in his dollar-bill covered robe and told the girls to be good hosts. I could have sworn he said hoes but when I rewound the tape and played his speech again, I heard hosts - definitely hosts. He teased them by saying it wasn't old folks that were coming but new folks. Cut to Buckwild guessing that Snoop Dog was coming through the front door because she always thinks that Snoop Dog is about to walk through her door. Bootz guessed crackheads. (She wasn't too far off).

After an exceedingly long commercial break, featuring the Sunsilk commercial with Mario Cantone screaming relentlessly at beautiful women with bad hair, we were back at the manor. Flav came running down the stairs to meet and greet his guests - all rap artists. He told them to go out to the pool to meet the eight women that were still competing for his love. He asked his friends to test them - to make sure that they were really there for Flav and for the right reasons.

Party Guests
The next scene was Big Rick announcing the party guests. He showed a lot of personality when he did this task. First he announced "G-G-G-G Unit". All the girls started screaming and ran towards G-Unit (nice website). Bootz's camera interview was singled out because she really, really, really seemed to like them.

Then Big Rick announced DJ Quick which resulted in more screaming. Buckwild was particularly impressed. According to her "He is the coolest fool on the planet."

The Ying Yang Twins (note the incorrect spelling of Yin, unless of course their last name is Ying Yang , then I apologize, but I seriously doubt it) were next - completely overdressed for a pool party, I might add. Buckwild greeted them with a warm embrace and exclaimed that they were indeed "some fine ass twins." Their song Booty, Booty, Booty popped up on the sound track. Apparently, and you'll read more about his in a minute, they really, really, really like women's behinds.

When Bishop Don "Magic" Juan walked in, Nibblz jumped up to greet him. Talk about overkill. He was wearing a top hat, a cape, a three piece suit and he was carrying a scepter. In her camera interview Nibblz said that he was the schnazziest dresser she had ever seen and that he smelled really good which I doubt because he had to have been sweating buckets under all that suffocating regalia. "My God. This man smells good", she said. Yeah right! Give us a break!

Warren G came in and he was all alone. All the other guys had posses but not Warren G. He was too cool for a posse. Like Dat ran over to greet him. She was so excited to see him and gave him a big a hug. She told the camera that he knows how to "make a sista' feel real good." This is something she says a lot.

Last but not least, Big Rick finished his introductions with the arrival of Three 6 Mafia.

Booty Dance
With all the party guests poolside and the women properly lubricated with alcoholic beverages, the fun was underway. Here we got a lot of quick cuts of the women dancing for Flav's guests. Then the show settled for a moment on Bootz. Bootz told the camera that Flav told them to entertain his friends and that nothing was more entertaining than her booty dance. There didn't seem to much more to the choreography than her bending over and bouncing her behind up and down. She was stickin' it and shakin' it in everybody's faces and here is where the Krazy/Bootz story line began. Krazy told the camera that she could see everything through Bootz's panties and that she doesn't have to bend over every time she meets a man. (Wait a second. Who is that man in the distance watching the party through a telescope? Why it's Flav. Flav was watching as she bounced around and told us that she was doing a little rump shaker. This made him happy. Gleeful, in fact.)

When she does her booty dance for The Ying Yang Twins we hear the Booty Booty Booty song. Then in a language that sounded very similar to English, they invite Bootz to be in their next music video. She gratefully declined because she wasn't there for that and she didn't want Flav to get the wrong idea.

The Stand Out
We see Nibblz entertaining the troops. She wanted be the stand out babe that entertained the entourage while the stars got attention from the other girls. She was giving them lap dances and exposing body parts. That would make her stand out. She was particularlty focused on a very heavy man and told us that she understood "the joys of a big belly". (Did you hear that? That was an entire nation saying YUCK.) Shortly after that she threw up all the liquor she couldn't handle and went to bed. Wouldn't you know that Like Dat was by her side, holding her hair for her while she puked.

The Fony
Then we see Krazy hangin' out with Three 6 Mafia and by the time Flav came out to join the party, they were picking on her because she didn't know any of Flavor Flav's music. This was a painfully long scene in which they repeatedly ask her why she's there, why doesn't she know his music, how she knows he's a nice guy - and I think it was all to set up the confrontation coming later in the show between Bootz and Krazy. Bootz tells the camera that Krazy is so stupid.

After Party
When the celebration was over, his friends helped him assess the remaining contestants and Flav pretended like their feed back meant something to him. They all liked Like Dat's personality the best while the other women mostly received comments about their luscious booties.

Later on in the day, Like Dat started calling out Buckwild again and started questioning her ghetto authenticity. She pushed it so far that Buckwild broke down and started crying and started packing to go home. Like Dat talked her down off the cliff and comforted Buckwild by cuddling with her in bed. And a collective YUCK could be heard from the streets.

Bonita Applebum
The next morning, Flav decided he was going to spend some time with Buckeey and found her downstairs shortly after waking up. He tells her she looks good in the morning and brings her upstairs. A few seconds later, Like Dat followed with the camera right on her rump. I thought that was mean. She was clearly upset and told the camera that Flav wasn't spending time with her because he was going after the smaller women first. (Did I ever tell you how much I hate it when heavy people are being made fun of? This was no exception. That camera angle didn't do her any favors and if I were her I would seriously call VH1 to task on that.) Buckeey and Flav cuddled in his room for a while and he grabbed her behind - a lot. He was happy to have his hands on that "big ole apple she has down there." Buckeey confided to the camera that she thought now that they've had their moment together she thought that Flav was feeling her more. Yeah. A lot more. There may have seen some dry humping involved.

Krazy v. Bootz
Now here is the point in the show where the Bootz/Krazy storyline came to a boil. Bootz told the camera that she is sick of Krazy and her fakeness. She went downstairs and sat across from Krazy while she was sitting and talking to Nibblz at the dining room table and started laying into her for being in the mansion for the wrong reasons. Krazy tried to defend herself but Bootz wouldn't let up. Krazy did throw it in her face that she was a slut. The fight got really escalated and Flav watched them like they were the US Open. The fight went on and on while Flav watched with the girls.

In the end he was so impressed with Bootz that he wanted to spend some alone time with her and took her to the pool to go swimming. He made some stupid remark about her breast size (they are pretty big) and then asked her jump into the pool so he could watch her bounce. In the pool, he started hugging and kissing on her. He told the camera "I wanna slip through her molecules of wetness like a slippery eel through seaweed." And again a collective YUCK is heard across the nation. He claimed their time together was BRUTAFUL. (What is wrong with this man that he has mispronounce everything? I've heard interviews with members of his family. They all speak like normal people. Why does he choose this weird way of talking?)

A Cry For Help
All of the attention that Flav was giving to other women, prompted Like Dat to make a move. She went to visit Flav in his room where he was playing something basic and childish on his electric keyboard. They did a little duet of It's Like Dat and That's the Way it Is.

Then she said something to him that was pretty disturbing. She may have sunk her ship with it. She told him she'd heard a rumour that Flav didn't want to lay with a big girl because he was scared of the roll over and getting crushed or something like dat.

Then she left the room to get her lingerie. Again, I could just kick VH1 in the nuts for this. It was a desperate moment for her as she showed him her oversized lingerie. When she was finished showing it to him, Flav asked her to leave so he could fall down on the floor and laugh. He did say she was nice and that he shouldn't be laughing but that didn't stop him from singing "she's a big one. A mighty big one" while playing basic chords on his stupid little fake ass casio piano with the abridged keyboard. He probably wouldn't even know what to do with 88 keys.

Good-bye Like Dat
To make a short story long, Flav eliminated Like Dat and then made out with Beatuful. He couldn't see himself with her physically. He could only see her as a friend. As he was saying goodbye to her, he told her that he didn't want to lead her on because he had too much respect for her.

But the show wasn't over yet.

After they toasted to Like Dat's departure, Flav lined up the girls because he was expecting one more special guest.

In walks New York, aka Tiffany Patterson, the nut bag that got spit on last season for being a bitch. He made out with her immediately and a collective YUCK was heard across the nation. She looks like she's had a quite a bit of work done and by work I mean plastic surgery. Apparently she's there to help him suss out who is really there for him and not for the TV cameras.

The previews for the next show looked promising.

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