June 30, 2004

Day Three

4:50 pm
Either the craving for nicotine or the effort not to smoke, is giving me a big fat headache. It would be huge relief if I could just smoke. I hate quitting smoking.

Agony. Agony. Agony. Huge craving lasting for hours.
A great act of will required not to give in. I called Jon who reminded me why I am doing this. The support feels good, even if quitting does not.

8:45 am
Confessions of a serial smoker: Last night, at the bar, when I was playing trivia, while my team was winning, I went out with a friend and smoked one of her cigarettes. Also, I smoked one when we were on our way out. But I am not discouraged. I have decided that today is a no smoking day as well.

Day three is not going too badly. Earlier, I found that the need for a cigarette was properly quelled last night (see above confession) and I woke up feeling somewhat free of my addiction. This morning, when out of habit, I found myself thinking about buying a pack for the day, my body was not with me. Reason eventually won out because I just did not feel like spending $8.00 on another box of nails for my coffin. So, I didn't.

Now I am at work and during the course of writing this between spurts of work, I find my urge comes and goes in proportion to the ebb and flow of my work. Answering two lines, while making photocopies and faxing out estimates seems to make me feel a little stressed. That happened about 20 minutes ago. Now I find myself again fighting the urge to run out, buy a pack and smoke, because again, there is a small lull before the next big rush of meaningless work.

As you can imagine, I am receiving support from my friends and loved ones.

I resist telling my family until I achieve at least a week of smoking sobriety.

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