Dear Unsuspecting Older Woman on the Subway:
You do not know this but you really upset me yesterday when you asked the gentleman and me to make room for you on the subway. You did not fit comfortably. You had no business trying to squeeze in between us. You made it worse by not being able to sit still. Your elbows stuck me several times and I was skeeved by your hips rubbing against mine every time you bent down to take a tissue out of your bag, to get a candy out of your bag, to get a tissue out of your bag, to get a piece of paper out of your bag.
You really seemed to enjoy getting things out of your bag because you did it repeatedly for the 15 minutes you were rubbing against me in the subway.
Interestingly enough, I noticed that you stopped moving when I finally lost patience with you and moved away, choosing to hold the pole over putting up with your nonsense. It is almost as if you were moving around in order to ensure that I would move away from you giving you more space because you knew full well that you didn't fit.