May 08, 2005

Here's Spit In Your Eye

Now that winter is gone, I was looking forward to a season or two of NO SPITTING. December 21st in the city is not only the beginning of winter, it is also the beginning of SPITTING SEASON. But no. This year, the end of spitting season is overlapping with the beginning of Spring.

What is WRONG with people?

It seems as though men and women alike in Astoria and other parts of the city are so full of spit once the mercury dips below a certain temperature that the spit just flies out of them. And you know it's just not spit, right? It's some horrible substance SPITTERS produce that comes deep from within the most secret places of their lungs. You see it everywhere, if you look closely enough - going up the stairs in very cold winter you can see frozen spittle hanging off every step in front of you. But it's not very cold winter anymore, so I'm confused. Perhaps allergy season is taking ever the responsibilty of SPITTING SEASON from winter.

The absolute worst offender of this crime against being a good neighbour is the person 5 feet in front of you who spits and leaves their mark in your path. Because now not only have you had to suffer the indignity of having to accidentally watch somebody SPIT, but now you have to walk around their spit, making walking in the city even less relaxing than it already was.

Spit and dog piss covered sidewalks are a good reason to adopt the practice of removing your shoes at the entrance way to your apartment or home. I know people who do this and I admire them. I'm really trying to get into the practice but even as I speak my sneakers are at my socked feet awaiting my departure for my early Sunday appointment at the gym.

Here is my plea to spitters every where. JUST SWALLOW IT and spit later when you get home OR YOU CAN SPIT INTO A TISSUE OR NAPKIN AND THROW IT AWAY IN THE GARBAGE. DUH!!!!!!!

We have to live here also. So you and your nasty SPITTING friends should just think about this.

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