The Subways

As amazing as I think it is that you can get anywhere in the world from the depths of the NY Underground riding the Metro, I am still not entirely thrilled with they NYC subway system. Is it the system itself? No. I think the intricacies and the availability and the convenience of the system are for the most part thrilling and successful even if they don't run as often as I would like at times.

It's the people who ride the subways that I find disappointing. People, who are probably very lovely in almost any other social situation become dragons and warriors fighting for and defending seats and space. They will knock anyone over that stands in their way of their quests.

I am complaining because this morning, a 5 foot nothing blond, who walked around with an attitude that comes from having been treated blond and beautiful her whole life, practically knocked me over to get to the turnstile because she heard the ding ding of closing doors on the platform above. For all of her shoving and running, people were stuck behind her and annoyed with her because she couldn't get the turnstile to read her (let's-put-1/2-the-MTA employees out of work) metrocard.

She didn't make it in time for the train she so callously knocked me out of the way for. This made me happy. On the platform, I watched her saunter down to the end, where I like to stand, and I found myself annoyed that this creature was laying claim to my territory. But knowing that noone understood any of this but me, I simply went down to my favorite spot and waited for the train with my hand over my eyes to block out the bright morning sun harshly reflected off the white walls of the above ground platform.

Monday

Monday. Monday. Monday. Monday. Monday. Monday. Monday. Monday.

It was so nice to have to get up and go to work this morning, in spite of the fact that it is Monday.

I think I love Mondays.

Who's with me?

Thank you.

I would like to say thank you to the gentleman today who gave me a compliment from the passenger side of a snazzy looking SUV. I was walking home from the grocery store, my hair blowing in my face, no makeup, sloppy clothes and he caught me eye in the SUV because I thought he was trying to get my attention so he could ask for directions.

So, I looked at him waiting for him to ask for directions. He didn't repeat himself. So I said, "I'm sorry. Did you need directions?" and he said, "No, I was just saying that you are beautiful."

And here's the nicest thing. He wasn't a creepy guy nor was it a creepy situation.

That put a little skip in my step for the remainder of my walk home.

Vrey Inretesting

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, olny taht the frist and lsat ltteres are at the rghit pcleas. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by ilstef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

While we're on the subject

While we're on the subject of things that annoyed me today, what is up with that guy who does the voiceover for the new Jaguar commercials?

He calls the car a "Jagyu-ar", instead of "Jagwar".

Nothing sounds more annoying than someone who pronounces Jaguar, Jagyu-ar.

Subway

A young woman put her hand on the pole in the subway because there weren't any seats and she needed balance. An older woman leaned against that pole and the young woman's hand because she also needed balance and she was obviously oblivious. They remained like that for seven stops in front of me. Neither one of them gave up their position. I watched the entire time.

Maybe because I didn't have a cigarette the whole day; maybe because it feels like I have two water balloons behind my eyes where my sinuses once were; maybe because I let little things bother me; I wanted to scream at this older woman to stop leaning on this young woman's hand and I wanted to acknowledge the younger woman's plight by saying to her "Gosh, that woman's obnoxious! Why don't you say something to her?!?!?"

Rage boiled up inside me for seven stops but I managed not to say anything. i figured if it didn't bother either of them, why should I say anything? Who am I to tell people how to behave?

It's almost two hours later and I'm finally letting it go but that really, really annoyed me.

Voila!

Chers Tous:

J'espere que tout va bien pour vous tous. Apres une courte session comme vendeuse au comptoir charcuterie/fromages du supermarche local, j'ai trouve une position de secretaire personelle au directeur d' une petite companie de Marketing. C'est un bon travail et je suis tres contente.

Je vous aime tous and j'espere venir vous voir l'annee prochaine si possible.

Dites a grandmere que j'ai bien recu sa carte d'anniversaire et que tout va mieux. merci

Internet kitsch

Woke up this morning with a scratchy throat, which means, sadly a cold that I thought was gone has made a strong return.

Learning this made me a little sad, so I went to one of my favorite kitschy websites ever. I know the website has been around awhile, but it always, always makes me feel better. The people who run it make an honorable effort to keep it updated and there's always something new whenever I go to visit.

Before you go to the site, however, you should be warned that one of my hobbies is looking for stuff now that will be considered kitsch 40 years from now.

Music

I asked a friend to write something for me for this page.

Val:
Can I ask you to write something for my web log? I asked D to write a review of the Neil Young concert you guys saw. I want to post something about some of our remaining living rock legends to counteract the sadness of the blogger community about the losses of Warren Zevon and Johnny Cash. But I am no good at writing reviews and I wouldn't even know who to write a review about except 1980's Billy Joel.

M:
You've already given my subject to D.

But that is good, because I don't want to write a review about the "last great American hero" (even though he is really Canadian, see Cameron Crowe in Rolling Stone about twenty years ago) and how he hasn't sold out like everyone else and how he is still making great music unlike everyone else from his generation and not recycling the same old shit for $75 per ticket; in other words stereotype myself as yet another old fart stuck in the past who believes "rock and roll can never die".

Read virtually every review of Neil Young published in the last year for other examples.

Rock and Roll is DEAD. We're in Atlantic City before the Neil Young concert and we're in the hotel room watching coverage of Tom Harkin's Steak Fry (real fun guys, huh?), and in between the speeches from the candidates, they're playing fucking Led Zeppelin. When the Levee Breaks, for Christ fucking sake.

Rock and roll is over other than being a nostalgic soundtrack for people who believed that the establishment (and how quaint does that sound now?) could be changed.

The sad part is all the people at that Democratic jerk-off who believe that somehow the playing of rock and roll music means that they have somehow "won" and found a party to embrace real change.

The blogger community should be sad. Warren Zevon and Johnny Cash are dead. And so is John Lennon. And he said it a long, long time ago - The dream is over.

Farenheit 451

On my way to work this morning, I read and I read a lot. I read in the train, I read while I was walking through Madison Square Park. I passed by several people who were walking and reading. This reminded me of the closing scene of Farenheit 451. The last scene are people walking and reciting books in Utopia against the sunset, I think.

One of my favorite movies.

My Fortunate Fortune

My fortune cookie produced a happy fortune this evening.

Your self-confidence shines and makes a great impression on others.

This is good news indeed, considering I just started a new job.

Subway announcement

Riding home to Astoria on the N train, at Lexington Avenue, the subway conductor announced, "New York City is the shopping capitol of the world. Lexington Avenue, last stop in Manhattan. Queensboro Plaza, next stop."

First Day - New Job

My wardrobe choice for today is inspired by Maria Shriver's appearance yesterday on Oprah minus the diamonds and the 5oo dollar boots.

I'm wearing a black blouse, black skirt and black open toe mules.

The eyeshadow choice today was more conservative than the blue previously worn at the deli counter. Today I went with shades of lilac.

I'm very excited.

B Lo and J Lo put on the brakes

Here is a list of people that I think will be most effected by the cancellation of the big Ben and Jen wedding:

1) the florist
2) the caterer
3) the wedding dress designer
4) the manager of that banquet hall
5) the band they hired
6) the ring bearer
7) the flower girl
8) the jeweler lending her her jewelry
9) her family
10) his family

The people least effected by Ben and Jen's postponement.

Everybody else.

End of a Chapter

Today marks the end of an important chapter in my life and that chapter is about my work as a deli counter girl.

This afternoon I called my 26 year old manager and informed him that I will no longer be coming to work at the supermarket because I found a full time job. His reply was "Yeah. I figured as much. Thanks anway." then he congratulated me and wished me the best.

Be happy for me because I start a full time job tomorrow in a nice office with nice people and I couldn't be happier for myself.

Maria and Arnold on Oprah

For those of you who did not have an opportunity to see the first joint interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver on the Oprah Winfrey show I thought I would do my best to recap what I've just seen.

1) The show opened with Oprah dispelling any rumours generated over the summer that she's had plastic surgery or that she's broken up with Steadman and she and Steadman have been together for 17 years.

2) She then introduced Maria Shriver as one of her oldest friends of 27 years and told the audience that Gail and she are her oldest friends. Maria Shriver came out and she looked fantastic, in black from head to toe, she was wearing a simple black top, banded with a diamond belt, a black leather ankle length skirt with a flared bottom and very elegant black leather boots with short, stiletto heels. She was wearing beautiful diamond earrings and a stunning diamond cross. I figured out that she's 47 years old and she looks absolutely fantastic. There is a portrait of her in some Kennedy relative's attic because she didn't look a day over 25. Maria talked about how she wasn't supportive of Arnold's run for governor at first because she understood the work that went into campaigning but eventually was persuaded by his enthusiasm, decided to stand by him and will vote Republican for the first time in her life.

3) Arnold came out to a standing ovation. He also looked fantastic and Maria was looking at him with such love. That is a couple in love. He talked about his previous work with the community, twice mentioning the Special Olympics and sounded like he really wants to be governor, but I don't think anybody doubts or doubted his sincerity. He said after having done body building he was ready to start a film career and now that he's been doing films for 25 years, he's ready to try politics. He told us that instead of riding his Life Cycle in the morning and watching TV, he's been Life Cycling and reading briefs.....but he's in shape for the challenge and the work involved in becoming and then being governor.

4) When asked about the WE interview where he spoke about partying, he deftly avoided answering OPRAH's questions by saying that in the '70s him and his friends were serious about promoting bodybuilding, so serious in fact that they would try to say one more outrageous thing after another to bring attention to the sport. When he said that's why he said "A pump is like cumming...." before he could finish his sentence Ms. Shriver threw her hand up over his mouth and then looked down at the floor. He never answered the question as to whether or not he smoked pot. Now, I don't care if he did or not, but if he did, it would have been nice of him to say it, particularly with the medical marijuana issue being so prevalent. When asked why he isn't debating he said that he didn't participate in little body competitions, just the big ones like Mr. Olympia and that the debate on September 24th is like the Super Bowl of debates.

He also said that he is excited because he'll get to help 36 million people once he becomes governor and for him, it's all about helping people.

I have to say, that he sounded intelligent, compassionate, and like a good husband, father and general family man. The two of them together had a special dynamic. I believed that they are in love. And I think he sincerely believes that he will be a good governor.

But I still feel that it's a shame that the recall is still going on. I think it's not a good idea, that it is potentially setting a bad precedent for other state and local elections. Governor Davis was the man that California elected and he should be able to finish his term.

When it was 1967, it was a very good year

36 years ago, at approximately 4:15 on a rainy Wednesday afternoon, in a hospital in Franklin Square, something wonderful was born to the world and that something was me.

HAPPY BIRTHYDAY TO ME!!!

I'd like to thank the rain for answering my birthday wish and coming by to wish me a good day. I'd also like to thank my parents for without them I wouldn't be here. In my thanks, I'd like to include the United States Air Force, for without them, my parents would never have met and I'd like to thank the fates for creating the circumstances that made the above possible.

Head Cheese and Liverwurst

Head Cheese is a cold cut comprised of bits and pieces of tongue and jowel meat suspended in a gel. Liverwurst is liverwurst.

Today I served up 8 orders of liverwurst, 1/2 pound to 1 pound each and four orders of head cheese.

Both are gross and both mess up the slicers and both are really gross.

I also served up 9 pounds of cold cuts to one couple, 2 pounds of bologna, 1 pound of turkey (the cheap, gross kind) 1 pound of liverwurst, 1 pound of swiss cheese, 1 pound of american cheese (yellow) 1 pound of pepperoni and 1 pound of salami.

I was very busy today. Everyone I dealt with was hard to understand and very demanding.

Life is grand.

John Ritter

While I have read several touching tributes to Johnny Cash, all deserved, I haven't seen too much about John Ritter.

Now, I know many people think that Three's Company was a "really, really stupid" show, but at the time it was pretty cutting edge. He was very good at physical comedy. Nobody could fall down like him. Well, maybe except Dick Van Dyke who may have been a little better at the fumbling, but I'm sure he inspired the future antics and hysterical entrances of Michael Richards as Kramer on Seinfeld.

I had an opportunity to see John Ritter on Broadway in The Dinner Party where he co-starred alongside his good friend Henry Winkler. They were both very good. He also has an enormous filmography (courtesy of the IMDB), which includes the movies Sling Blade and Noises Off. He was always working and for an actor, whose job it is to act, that's pretty good.

I have a lot of respect for the man and he died working which I guess for an actor is not a bad way to go.

So, when you are all remembering Johnny Cash, remember that it could be argued that John Ritter was to sitcom television what Johnny Cash was to music.

And I'm not trying to be snarky. I'm serious.

September 11th

Where was I September 11, 2001? I was setting up a kindergarten classroom for a kindergarten class that would never show up. I was listening to NPR as I was hanging ABC borders and Solar System borders and covering my bulletin boards with paper colored to promote calmness and serenity among the anxious first time schoolers.

On the radio, they announced that a plane flew into one of the towers. I figured it was a Cessna and I had a picture of a tiny little plane sticking ass out from high up in the sky. But then the commentary got more serious and people started coming to my classroom to talk about what was going on. The principal then announced (mistakenly because he caused severe panic amongst the smarter 1st graders and above) that another plane flew into the second tower. We pulled a television into an empty classroom.

Chaos ensued. You know the rest. People I knew who had friends, spouses, lovers and relatives at the towers were understandable upset. I knew my family was safe so that was a relief. We watched on TV as the towers fell. Then the parents started to pick up their children. The whole rest of the day was dedicated to helping keep hordes of parents calm as they were waiting on lines that wrapped around the block, to pick up their angels.

One man, walked from downtown to see his wife who taught with us, and he was covered with soot. Another man that I knew because I'd had his daughter G in class the year before, made eye contact with me and he looked so concerned. I gave him a reassuring look because of course I checked on all my previous kindergarteners and I let him know with a glance that G was okay, and we shared a tear. Nice family...

Side note.....when I went to check on G in her first grade classroom, she was freaking out. Of course, the grownups were so self absorbed they didn't realize how much the children were comprehending, so when I saw her, she looked up at me and hugged my knees so I squatted to be at eye level (you should always be at eyelevel when talking to small children, you should also photograph them that way too) and she asked me in the sweetest little voice, "Are the planes still coming? Are they going to crash into our school?"

So, I told her no, and that our school was safe and that her daddy would be here soon to pick her up and naturally I saw him just an hour or so later. Her mom worked in one of the buildings as a cleaning woman but she was okay, I later found out.

My message for the anniversary of September 11th would be this. Cherish those in your life that are near to your hearts, remember those who aren't with us and with regard to children, they are smarter than most of us think. Actually all children are very smart and they should never me underestimated.

Always be honest with them but also remember to be reassuring. Their little minds can understand the truth but they don't yet have that emotional crusty layer to help them deal with the more difficult truths.

Email Etiquette

Dear Friend:

When I send an email, it's like I'm leaving you a message on your answering machine. You would return my call if I left you a message, right? so if I send you an email, I expect a response or at least an explanation as to why you are not responding.

Subway Fare Hike

Dear MTA:

How come whenever I am waiting for a train, I have to wait for 10 minutes or more? How come I have to wait during rush hour? And how come when I am waiting, a train going in the opposite direction seems to come every 3 minutes?

For $2 a ride, I shouldn't have to wait.......EVER!!!!!!

Creepy Guy

Dear Creepy Guy in the Train:

Please stop trying to rub up against me. I know the train is crowded but it is not THAT crowded. What gave you away was when I moved, you followed me. A little advice, the next time a woman moves away from you, DON'T FOLLOW HER. It's creepy and a little unnerving.

Cell Phone

Dear cell phone user:

I appreciate that you needed to speak with someone before going down into the train station but did you have to stop on the steps? Did we ALL need to walk around you? Are you REALLY that important? Please don't do that again because the next time I see you blocking foot traffic in the subway entrance I am going to push you down the stairs. and I won't care how beautiful, exotic or important you are.

R Train

Dear Woman Sitting Next to Me on the Bench while I was Waiting for the R Train at 36th Avenue in Astoria:

You stink like Vodka and you are way too thin. You really need to eat something because Vodka doesn't have too much nutritional value. Also, please refrain from striking up conversations with me about your very narrow Size 11 feet the next time we are stuck together on a subway platform. I really don't care. And I thought that other woman's shoes were fine. Admittedly, I too would have had trouble walking in them but they worked on her.

A cute manboy

Well. I'm sure you are all interested to know that the blue eyeshadow and the fancy shirt did indeed work. A cute manboy came back to my counter 3 times to order random meats and some pasta and vegetable salad and he seemed to have a desire to tell me all about his camping plans this weekend. When he said he was going to be drinking I asked him to have one for me and he said

"maybe I'll have two."

Giggles ensued and my mood was elevated for the remaining 10 minutes of my shift.

Some people need endorphins from exercise and some people need antidepressants, but sometimes nothing works better to raise your spirits than a well placed compliment. Sigh.

Noise Pollution

Meditation and relaxation have been interrupted this morning by someone blowing dry their hair for hours, someone unnecessarily running an air conditioner, construction around the block including jackhammering and one of those large machines that look like one of the thumpers from DUNE but smash the street instead of calling giant worms, and workmen talking in the alley underneath my window.

How is a girl supposed to get centered before facing a day of cranky old people who want their deli meats so thin you can see through them?

And yes........I've chosen the blue eyeshadow again today and a fancy shirt, since I only get an apron and not one of those cool, red shirts with the blue and white store logo. Apparently, they are not ordering shirts anymore.

So, I will try to look pretty in the face of adversity. I will wear pants.

Here is a poem I heard once from a friend when I was teenager. I'm not sure if she wrote it or if she found it somewhere, but I like it and it stuck with me.

Sticks and stones
are hard on bones
armed with angry art.

Words can sting
like anything.
But silence breaks the heart.

The lasting effects of bullying

I just read this story about an experiment done on hamsters that explains the long lasting effects on the brain from repeated bullying. What's weird, if you read through article, is that through interviewing people they were able to learn about the long lasting psychological effects anyway. But the pictures of the hamsters are kind of cute.

An open letter to the rain.

Dear Rain.

When you come, you make the sunshine go away. I like that about you because I don't have to squint. I remember on my 21st birthday in 19## I was at college and not having the best day but you were there. I had the radio on and this really pretty guitar piece by Vivaldi came on. I was so touched that you were able to coordinate your falling with that beautiful piece of music that I was forced to wipe a tear. My college roommates did make an attempt by serving me fuzzy navals later that day but their feeble effort to bring me joy paled in comparison.

I can only hope that on my birthday coming up that you decide to make another appearance. I own that piece of music now and it would be very simple to throw it in my CD player. I don't anticipate my birthday being any better than that one when I was 21.

I don't mean to be greedy, to squander you and I know you've been very generous lately, staying so long on this current visit and all but if you could just find it in your heart to hang out with me again a week from Saturday, I will be your best friend ever.

This big city doesn't seem so harsh when it looks like a black and white photo.

Love,
Valerie

More on Dr. Phil

Today, Dr. Phil talked to couples who got married too young and don't know how to fix the problems that resulted from getting married too young.

One couple submitted video footage of themselves where they re-enacted a fight they had before their wedding night, her pushing him away from her in bed, fighting in the kitchen, standing in separate corners, and whoever shot the footage cut frequently to their little baby for whom they want to remain married.

He also seemed to be pushing a book he's written called Relationship Rescue. Now I don't have a problem with the advice he is giving people. Actually, he's pretty good about seeing through people's BS and then teaching them how to address it. I have a little bit of a problem with the staged reenactments. It is fromage at it's best.

And for any of you interested, I found a website where you can randomly generate quotes that sound like some of the expressions that Dr. Phil uses when he is giving advice. It's called the "Dr. Phil Random Quote Generator".

Here is an example of something generated for me. "You don't need a gambling habit to fondle a donkey."

it just keeps getting better.......

Dear Valerie

Thank you for your application for the position of Marketing Assistant with Blah Blah(Blah) Ltd.

Our Recruiting Manager has reviewed your application against the requirements of the position. We wish to inform you that we have identified candidates whose experience more closely matches our specific requirements, and hence we will not be taking your application further at this point in time.

May I take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in Blah Blah (Blah) Ltd., and to wish you all the best in your future career.


Yours Sincerely
Blah Blah
Human Resources Department
Blah Blah (Blah) Ltd

Potential

So, I got a call yesterday, yes, Labor Day, from a job interviewed at about 5 months ago. They asked for references.

If it works out, I'll be writing descriptive copy about jewelry and collectibles on somebody's website.

Keep your fingers crossed and everybody put out a good vibe for me.

Thanks y'all.

Day 4 at the Supermarket

In the interest of keeping all of my loved ones updated about my new job. Here is what I did today.

I baked bread. Did you know that there are 7 different types of Italian breads? Well, if there weren't before, there are now. I also baked Viennese roles, crusty french roles, kaiser roles with both sesame and poppy seeds, onion roles, sweet diamond roles, french bread with sesame seeds (my relative overseas would laugh), sour dough bread, challah, challah roles or brioche, and several others I just can't remember. I also helped unload a bread order. That's where are all bread comes from but frozen and ready to bake. I helped unload something called a skip, which is basically a transport device with a whole lot of boxes on it. It's real hump work.

I walked over to the store at 7. The manager arrived at 7:15 and I baked and packaged this bread from 7:30 to 12:30.

Now I am home and I am trying to write on my other blog but since that blog is sexy stories I have nothing because I don't feel very sexy after baking bread all morning.

A nap might be in order.

A Day Made to Order

The weather today is my ideal weather. Cool and rainy. I'm sorry that it's Labor Day but not for me. I'm sorry for the swarms of people who were going to go the beach today.

But there are other times you can go to the beach. It's there all year long. It's very nice to go in the winter time. That's when you can find the best shells. And a foggy day in the spring would also be a good day to go.

Actually, a rainy day like this one is wonderful at the beach. It's nice to stand near the water looking out on the choppy ocean and watching the clouds whip around. The sky is gray and large. But the coolest part is watching the seaguls sleeping in large groups all facing the same direction. Usually facing away from the wind.