Rock of Love - Talk Dirty To Me - Episode 2

She's Not Realy Here for You
At the top of this episode, Heather overhears Erin talking about her ex-fiancee with a couple of women in the house. Heather misinterpreted Erin's comments and started telling everyone who would listen that Erin was engaged and gettting married in the fall. This misunderstanding would lead to a confrontation later in the show. Heather felt like it was her responsibility to inform Bret that one of the girls "wasn't really there for him"(a continuous theme in the VH1 dating show genre) and Bret invited them both to sit and discuss the matter with him so he could ferret out the truth. In the end, Bret believed that Erin was indeed NOT engaged.

If You Leave Out Instruments, They Will Come
For absolutely no reason at all, the beginning of the episode bought us our first true episode of debauchery for the season. Some of the girls decided to start fooling around with the instruments set up in what seemed like a random shrine to music. Bret heard this nasty noise and decided to join the fun. He started playing guitar and the girls started dancing around without their shirts. I'm not really a drinker so any drinking at all seems excessive to me. With that said, these girls were already three sheets to the wind. The women whe weren't participating sat in judgement and then something anti-climatic, yet completely expected happened. The womyn split into two groups.

Slutty vs. Bitchy - Can't We All Just Get Along
The Slutty girls were characterized by their willingness to drink and dance around a stripper's pole. The Bitchy girls were characterized by their reluctance to dance around with their tops off and their unwillingness to spend every moment of every day completely and utterly wasted.
There was some excitement when Lacy from the sluttly girls decided to push Jes from the Bitchy girls into the pool.

Apparently Jes's sobriety really got under Lacy's skin giving Lacy the idea that Jes was stuck up and sitting in judgement of the drunk girls. So, it made perfect sense to Lacy that she should push Jes in the pool, which she did. I'm sure if I were a guy that would have interpreted that interplay as sexy as shit. But as a woman, that moment didn't too much for me. But it did tell me one thing. The genius behind the show, Cris Abrego, really knows his audience.

Talk Dirty To Me
Every week the womyn have to compete. In this week's competition, they had talk dirty to Bret on the telephone - the premise being of course that if he is on the road, he'll want to talk dirty to whoever he picks to be his girlfriend at the end of the show. But how would he really know just how effective their dirty talk could be? He brought in a "doctor" who hooked Bret up to a machine that measured blood flow to his gleenus (I'm using gleenus as a subsititution for you know what so I don't get inundated with people looking for pictures of or stories about you know what).

After he was hooked up to the ridiculous machine, the womyn took turns trying to get him excited with their clever, sexy phone talk. The three winners Rodeo, Erin and Lacey went to a recording studio with Bret and laid tracks of groaning, moaning and giggling over Bret's singing. It was kind of stupid.

The girls who failed to turn him on were sent home. They include "don't-threaten-me-a-good-time" Tiffany, the unmemorable Faith and Tawny, and "dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks" Tamara.