Rock of Love - Catch Up

Episode 3 - Motocross
Three teams of four girls each race each other motorbikes to win dates with Bret. There was a lot of trash talking and quite a bit of falling down. The four women to win dates were Magdalena, Samantha, Rodeo and Brandi M. Bret broke the dates up into two separate activities. First Samantha and Magdalena watch a film about Bret's life (cheesy) in the garden. He makes out with both of them. (yuck).

That night, Lacey tried to engage Dallas in a fight in an attempt to get Dallas sent home. She had to be restrained by Rodeo when she took it too far. Then the next day, Rodeo and Brandi M. wore personalized bikinis for an out door lunch. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Of course Rodeo told Bret about the incident with Lacey (rat) in an effort to prove to him how these girls "aren't good enough for him".

In the end, Dallas ended up being sent home. She left in a huff, not even hugging or kissing Bret good bye. He was put off by that but hey. Can you blame her? He did reject her. And he kept Lacey even though/because he is scared she might kill him in his sleep. Kristia was also sent home. What do you mean you don't know who she is? Exactly his point. She didn't make much of an impression on Bret or the cameras.

Episode 4 - Riff It Good
The women paired off to write new lyrics for one of two songs written by Bret Michaels. When they were done, they performed their songs. This was a pretty lame show. I'll sum it up really quickly. Rodeo cried so much about missing her son that Bret sent her home. He also sent home Brandi C. because, according to him, she was too much of a young spirit. I think she was just way too much of a porn star - even for him. Oh and then there was the dumb act that she thought she was putting on. You could tell that she was acting dumb even though she thinks she's smart. Unfortunately for her, she's not really all that smart to begin with so she wasn't acting as much as she thought she was.

Episode 5 - First Annual Bret's Mud Bowl
In this episode, along with the slutty, backstabbing shenanigans the women played touch football in the mud. No. Seriously, this show is getting lamer every week. Instead of making them compete and hurt each other, which is what they did, he should have just had the women roll around in the mud which is what he wanted anyway. He should have had a wet-with-mud T-shirt contest. The winner of the day was Jess - a blonde with pink streaked hair. Bret deemed her to be the most athletic. She narrowly beat out Heather who, by the way, in case you didn't know, wears more makeup than should be legally allowed in the contiguous United States.

The main drama of this episode was caused by Heather who wrote a letter to Bret ratting out the other girls. There was a lot of she said/she said and a lot of one on one meetings with Bret. In the end, Erin was sent home because she wasn't "really there for him" an allegation brought against her by Heather who of course is "really there for him". You can tell that Heather is "really there for him" because she keeps tattling on all the other girls.

Whatever. Rock of Love is about 1/5 of 1% as interesting as Flavor of Love.

I can't wait to see what happens next week. Not.