October 10, 2007

Hump Day

It's the middle of the week. Hoorah!! And I'm in between two work shifts. I would love it if there were somewhere I could nap for a couple of hours.

I used to have a very, very good friend that lived in the city. It was someone I grew up with. When we were friends and she lived in the city, hers was a place I could go if I needed to crash for a couple of hours.

I miss her. We were friends for a long time. Mostly, I miss the idea of her. In the end, she wasn't a very good friend to me. Everyone I met through her ended up either ignoring me or hurting me. And she used to hurt me as well. I trusted her opinion about everything - even those opinions that didn't favor me - and as a result, she undercut my confidence for years.

She wasn't always like that. Sometimes she was really cool. I learned a lot from her. She introduced me to many interesting things.

But she would always tell me things like "you're pretty for an average person" if I ever asked her how I looked. Or if I'd shown her something I'd written or photographed she would say "that's not bad if you like mediocrity". Her approval meant a lot to me but I never really got it.

It took me years but I eventually caught on to her confidence undermining and friendship sabotoging behavior and I stopped being friends with her. My life actually improved after that.

The reason I'm thinking about her now is because someone I've recently become friends with over the last few years, wrote an interesting post about people who we love who are missing from our lives.

It's very well written and adequately expresses that feeling of loss brought up by seeing or hearing something that was introduced to you by someone who is missing in your life.

1 comment:

Renee said...

You are too sweet to have people in your life making those kinds of remarks. The nerve!

I sure wish we could get in a J. game , but things are crazy around here. Mother-in-law is in the hospital and we're still trying to visit the newlyweds this weekend.

We'll have to visit next week some time!