October 27, 2007

America's Most Smartest Model - Episode 3 Recap

So much happened in this week's episode I've decided to follow the stories of two of the models who as far as I'm concerned are the stars of the show - Andre and Mandy Lynn

The episode begins where the last episode ended. The remaining models are celebrating with drink. Angela is doing body shots off of Blond Rachel. The boys are pretending like they're not more into each other than they are the women. And Andre is in the kitchen all by himself studying the encyclopedia hidden by VJ and Blond Rachel. He's studying it quite hard so it really must be the encyclopedia with all the information in it. (see last week's recap).

Those silly models. In an attempt to be friendly, they invited Andre over to party with him. He refused and took their kind invitation as a direct assault on his Sovietness. Daniel was offended by Andre being offended and he started blowing air onto the fire that is Andre's temper. What started out as a benign invitation to drink turned out to be a full out battle consisting of Andre's hyperbolic criticism of the United States government and Daniel's (look who's come out of the closet) hissy fit. I guess everybody went to bed angry and by everybody I mean Andre.

The next morning, Daniel was explaining to two of the women in the house exactly why Andre is such a jerk. Apparently, according to Daniel, there have been a lot of changes in the Soviet Union that Andre doesn't seem to know about. Also, according to Daniel, Andre is abusive to not only Daniel but to other women as well. This conversation was all in ear shot of a slowly waking Andre. The house may look big on the outside, but it's very small on the inside. Daniel's comments meant another well developed tantrum from Andre and more hissing and whining from Daniel.

The Edge Challenge
All these good feelings followed the models into the Edge Challenge. I'll describe this as best as I can. There were plates of food in front of each model consisting of something healthy and something junky. For every question the models answered correctly they got to eat something healthy. If they answered a bonus question correctly they could give their junky food to another model. There was palpable fear in the models eyes as they were confronted with the possibility of eating chocolate cake, Twinkies and pancakes.

After camera speaking about his muscle-inducing diet of . . ."eggs and rice and beans and stuff" Andre answered his first questions correctly and promptly gave his enormous piece of chocolate cake to Daniel. When Daniel answered his questions correctly he didn't give his cake to Andre but to poor Jesse, who is eternally struggling with his weight. (To play up his weight problem even more, the editors left in a nice three shot of Jesse shirtless and flabby with Andre and Daniel in the foreground). Why Daniel did this I'll never know. He said it was because this is a competition. But I think he did because secretly he has a crush on Andre and doesn't want to continue alienating a possible love interest.

But that didn't stop the other models from piling the cake on Andre's plate.

Mandy Lynn
It was during this challenge that the focus of the episode shifted from Andre to Mandy Lynn.

Mandy Lynn answered her question wrong. Ben Stein asked her which weighed more - a ton of feathers or a ton of rocks. Guess what she said. Yes. She said a ton of rocks. Her punishment was to eat a piece of chocolate cake. The Edge Challenge came to a crashing halt because Mandy Lynn would not eat her cake. She claimed it was because she has a small tummy, that she had eaten enough, that she couldn't eat another bite. The truth is she didn't eat any of it and like any good girl from Long Island with an eating disorder (I went to school with lots of them) she quit the contest instead of having to ingest something that might actually put meat on her bones.

Dropping out of the Edge Challenge meant she wouldn't be able to participate in the Callback Challenge. Awwwwwwwww.

When it came time to participate in the Callback Challenge Mandy Lynn found a note from Mary Alice with two boxes of hair coloring. It was time for Mandy Lynn to dye her hair one solid color. Mandy Lynn was surprised that she had to do it herself. She was expecting a stylist. But instead of dying her hair which I suspect she found too challenging because of all the directions and stuff, she was going to be a good sport and participate in the Callback Challenge anyway.

Callback Challenge
What was the Callback Challenge? The contestants had to work out with Gilad - the king of TV workout shows. Whoever won this challenge would win a spot in one of Gilad's workout videos from Hawaii in addition to an automatic pass to next week's show. As the models took their place on the workout mat, poor Mandy Lynn had to stand on the lawn. As thin as she is, there was still no room for her. Andre and Blond Rachel were grousing how hard it was to work out on a full stomach. (It probably wouldn't surprise you to know that most of the models were exercising on full tummies because of how badly they did in the Edge Challenge).

They all managed to get through the workout - all except Mandy Lynn who got tired rather quickly (probably because, I suspect, she never eats) and decided to retire back to the house and dye her hair. You could see the disappointment on Mary Alice's face as she looked up from her champagne glass. Did I mention that Mary Alice was sitting on a chaise with a glass of bubbly while the models humiliated themselves for the sake of this challenge?

I don't like this Mary Alice.

Anyway, in the end Brett beat Aussie Rachel in a one on one endurance competition for the Hawaiian video spot. A lot of bitter not-so-macho whining ensued. Those boys can be such bitches.

In the end Mandy Lynn was sent home with her new brown hair. But not before upsetting Ben Stein's balance. He was literally struck dumb by her boobs at one point of the elimination segment. It was so bad that Mary Alice had to take over from Ben, redirecting her cruel spotlight onto the slightly overweight Jesse. Before sending Mandy Lynn home, she managed to completely break down both Blond Rachel , for being too skinny and too weak, and Jesse who was in tears because he just can't please Mary Alice.

Mandy Lynn was this week's loser. I thought that was mean of Mary Alice to make her change her hair color if she knew she was sending Mandy Lynn home. I mean we all knew it was coming when she wouldn't eat that fakakta chocolate cake. Mandy Lynn was happy with who she is. She liked her terrible two tone hair. Why did Mary Alice make her dye it? That was just mean.

Tiffany Taylor
Something about Mandy Lynn's two tone hair made me nostalgic for a doll I had as a kid. Do you remember the Tiffany Taylor doll? She had blonde hair but if you twisted her scalp, she had brown hair. She was almost 20" tall and she came with a flowing, gold, sparkly evening gown. If I looked in my parent's attic I bet I could find it.

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