Four Dead Dictators

2006 was not a good year for dictators.

General Augusto Pinochet, died of a heart attack at the ripe old age of 91. His government murdered and tortured thousands of Chileans during his 17 year rule. He died before the many court cases meant to bring him down could be completed, cheating his people of justice.

Saparmurat Niyazov was the self proclaimed president of Turkmenistan. According to his Wikipedia article, foreign media considered Niyazov to be one of the world's most authoritarian and oppressive dictators in the world. He was a kook like most dictators and as proof of his kookiness instituted such kooky policies as requiring licensed drivers to pass a morality test and requiring doctors to swear an oath to him as president instead of the much loved and recognized Hippocratic Oath.

Another one who died before his people could receive justice for his crimes against humanity was the world famous, incredibly cruel and evil Slobodan Milosevic, former President of Yugoslavia and Serbia. The truly cruelest dictators usually have resumes that include genocide of their own people and Milosevic is no exception. He died while on trial at the Hague.

The frothy icing on the cake made from the metaphorically groundup bodies of dead dictators would have to be the hanging of Saddam Hussein. Now I know the war in Iraq is incredibly controversial and highly unpopular among most of my friends and a lot of people who come to this blog. But even if you don't agree with the ubiquitous presence of the US military in the hot bed of civil unrest known as Iraq, I'm sure most of you would agree that Saddam Hussein was no saint and that his death was welcome relief to many people who suffered injustice at the hands of that mad man.

He really was a despot that bullied and tormented and killed and frightened his citizens for years and years and years. And he was bat shit insane to boot.

The Vertical Hour

"right"/ />All this week, I've been working on The Vertical Hour. I've been doing other things as well but as far as work is concerned, that's where I've been. Since the previews, the director Sam Mendes changed a couple of things. When I first saw it during previews, Julianne Moore opened the show with a stunningly boring and terribly soft-spoken monologue which just didn't work. Mostly everyone complained that they couldn't hear her in the beginning and often that week, I would hand out headsets in the dark to people who decided after missing her monologue that they needed them for the rest of the show. Now, Bill Nighy opens the show with a monologue from later in the play and they moved her monologue to the middle of the first act. It works much better. Although I don't understand the purpose of the monologues at all. They don't really add much to the show.

He does well on stage. No matter how he's directed to stand, he always manages to turn and face the audience whenever he delivers a line. Julianne Moore however, follows her blocking blindly delivering lines stage right and stage left causing ever so many complaints from the audience. I must have heard the following 100 times this week.
"Why doesn't she project?"
"She doesn't know how to project."
"I can't hear anything she's saying."
"Every time she turns I miss what she's saying."
"The acoustics in this theater are so bad."

The acoustics at The Music Box theater are fine. It's the sound design that's bad. Why do they NEVER MIKE the actors in straight plays? I will never understand the logic behind this. If I were a playwright who'd managed to get a play staged on Broadway, I would want the audience to hear every word. But no. Instead. Some old fashioned notion about stage plays holds true. People pay upwards to $200 for tickets to some plays. Every effort should be made to make sure that these customers are getting their money's worth - and NOT RELY ON MY COMPANY to make up the deficit.

And it would also helped if Julianne Moore would learn how to project. Everyone else in the play with her manages to make themselves heard, in spite of the miking situation, except for her.

Did I mention, it's a really good play?

The second change may or may not be Ms. Moore's costumes.

New Teeth

My dentist put in porcelain veneers today.

When I was sixteen years old, I went head first over my handle bars on the way to my high school. The marching band was scheduled to compete at the Hofstra HS marching band competition that they have every year. My big Q-tip hat got caught between my handlebars and my front tire, thus causing the accident.

How did I land? I landed on my face, on my mouth specifically and broke my two front teeth. The cosmetic solution was bonding and for the last ten years or so, I've maintained the same bonding from a dentist in my hometown. But it looked awful. I never liked it. And on top of that they were all stained and crooked and I thought my teeth made me look poor. (see below)

So, I decided to do something about it, 20 something years later. So two weeks ago, in addition to my regular cleaning, my dentist fitted me for porcelain veneers - a more permanent solution than bonding but less permanent than crowns. For the last two weeks, I wore temporary teeth that while didn't look great looked 10 times better than my bonding.

Today, the doctor applied the veneers. I'm still numb from the novacaine shots. I haven't been able to feel any sensation in my nose for coming on 3 hours now and I'd really, really like to because I want to blow it but I'm scared of damaging it because of its completely numb state.

The teeth look good but feel strange. My bottom teeth are crowded which is something we're going to correct with a retainer. Already, my lower teeth have been hitting the veneers in a weird way. The retainer is going to straighten out my two front lower teeth which jut out. It shouldn't take too long to correct - actually the dentist said that before I finish paying him off the teeth will be straight. That correction will make it so, I never have to worry about my bottom teeth chipping my top teeth which had been a long standing problem with my teeth since I first had them repaired.

The only draw back is I have to take it easy for the next 24 hours until the bonding is completely set. That means no coffee or stain-causing liquids.

When I came home, I ate a piece of soup chicken and a little ice cream. It's hard to consume liquids because my upper lip is completely numb and out of my control but as the feeling comes back I'm optimistic I'll soon be able to eat some of my nourishing chicken soup.

Broadway Closings

High Fidelity is closing tomorrow after 18 previews and 14 performances. It filled the Imperial Theater to less than 50% of capacity. I guess the show's producers just didn't want to wait for the show to pick up steam through word of mouth. The bad reviews it received killed it's chances of making a lot of money in advance sales. Maybe the producers of the show were running a scam like in The Producers and are actually going to walk away with money because the show was a flop.
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Fame Becomes Me is also closing - January 7. I thought it would run longer. It's a strong show with good songs and even greater performances. The score was written by Marc Shaiman who also wrote the music for Hairspray. And features outstanding performances from Mary Birdsong and Brooks Ashmanskas(Brooks if you're googling yourself and you find this post please note that you need a website). For Hannukah, I gave Jon a ticket to see it before it closes. He'll be sitting near the front and hopefully he'll called up on stage during the Jiminy Glick portion of the show.

High Fidelity - Notes

It's Saturday and I'm working a double dose of High Fidelity.

During the walk-in I was talking with one of the Associate Producers. He was telling me how upset he was about Ben Brantley's review from the Friday NY Times. I tried to reassure him that Ben Brantley was simply the wrong critic to have reviewed the show - that Brantley's taste was more like that of the blue haired old ladies that come to see Wednesday matinees than it was of the hipsters to whom they seem to be appealing. I told him that Brantley missed the point of the show - that he just didn't get it. I was kind of kissing his butt a little bit. After all, this guy I was talking to is a big time Broadway producer.

What was I going to say? That Ben Brantley was right? Of course not. If you read the Ben Brantley review from beginning to end you'll realize that his review is actually very well informed. He's read the book by Nick Hornby and he's seen the film by Stephen Frears. His observations are based on both literary and filmic experience with the story. On top of that, he knows Broadway and has been reviewing shows for quite some time. I think it's safe to say that he knows what he's talking about.

The general feeling is that Brantley's review was harsh. But if it were good, they would have been thrilled. But does Brantley give good reviews? I don't recall ever reading a review about anything that he liked. Here is a link to his theater reviews. Can you find a play that he liked?

High Fidelity isn't brilliant but it isn't awful either. If you use Wedding Singer and Les Miserables as measuring posts the Wedding Singer being the worst and Les Mis being the best, High Fidelity falls dead center in terms of commercial appeal. The show will definitely find its audience. All you have to do is to decide whether or not you want to be a part of that audience.

High Fidelity - Notes

The reviews on High Fidelity are in and the two I read weren't very good.

NY Times critic Ben Bradley said he's adding High Fidelity to his own top 5 list - All-Time Most Forgettable Musicals.

Clive Barnes from the NY Post described the musical as a brave but foolhardy attempt.

What did I think? It's alright. It's not THAT original anymore to base a musical on a movie. But producers are always going after that elusive young, straight male demographic. This musical is up there with the likes of Saturday Night Fever, Footloose (coincidentally, Tom Plotkin from the original Footloose cast is part of the High Fidelity group of understudies and stand-ins), Spamalot and The Wedding Singer.

The show is probably more like the movie starring John Cusack than it is like the book by Nick Hornby. Will Chase stars as the likeable but unlikeable protagonist who blames everyone but himself for his relationship failures. But he's not really unlikeable enough. Everyone in the show is talented of course but the show itself tries to hard. The music is just a little bit better than The Wedding Singer but not even half as good as Grey Gardens or Spring Awakening.

The coolest thing about High Fidelity are the sets. They morph seamlessly into bedrooms, record shops, bars, funeral homes, whatever the scene calls for.

There is one really fun scene in the second act which is a dream sequence where Rob fantasizes about killing his rival Ian. If that scene could have somehow been matched for comedy and energy throughout the whole musical, they would have something.

But don't worry. The more mediocre a show is, the better it seems to do these days. The box office will probably earn more than Spring Awakening which isn't even filling the theater. I mean the Imperial Theater was packed all week with well wishers and future High Fidelity repeaters.

Get a discounted ticket for this one. Don't pay full price.

High Fidelity - Opening Night

Tonight I worked the opening of High Fidelity at the Imperial Theater.

I saw quite a few celebrities.

The most impressive celebrity there was Lauren Bacall. She walked right past me, close enough that I could see the make of her hearing aid which must have been very good because she did not take a headset. She looked great for a woman that's over 80 years old. Very oddly, following right behind her was Cindy Adams who also looks great for a woman in her 80's. She's not a great look woman but she did look great. And even though she can't write in complete sentences, I'm sure she'll write something about tonight's opening in tomorrow's NY Post.

The second most impressive celebrity I saw this evening was Alec Baldwin. This must be the umpteenth time I've seen him in person. I think I've seen him once every few months or so for the last 3 years. Every time I see him, he's always in the middle of doing something. The very last time I saw him was this summer as he was crossing Broadway on 47th street. At the time, he had been doing something at The Roundabout and I'd seen him a few times in front of the Roundabout Theater speaking to other actors.

The other celebrities, while they were cool to see, just don't rank as high as the previously mentioned.

The list includes Dana Delaney, Constantine Maroulis, Bebe Neuwirth and Karen Ziemba.

Constantine Maroulis is very tall, much taller than you would think. He was with a very, very, very blond and skinny woman who didn't look too much older than a high schooler. Not saying that she was in high school but she was very young. The last time I saw him, I was going into the Al Hirshfeld theater through the stage door and he was sitting on the stairs near the entrance. I've seen him at least a dozen times and even made eye contact with him. Tonight, when he walked by me, there was a glint of recognition in his eyes but not knowing how he knows me, I guess I can't blame him for not saying hello.

Bebe Neuwirth always looks very tiny when you see her in person. She has a very small head and always looks like she needs to eat something. Unless you're a Broadway nut, you're most likely not familiar with Karen Ziemba. She's a Broadway phenom and I got to see her play Roxie Hart in Chicago when it was at the Shubert like 50 times. Actually, I saw Bebe Neuwirth in Chicago also and I've even seen her perform with Karen Ziemba. I was bummed that I couldn't work the 10th Anniversary show of Chicago.

Dana Delaney walked by so quickly, I only saw enough of her to know who it was. This may or may not come as a shock to you but she's very small and skinny.

Forbes 15 Richest Fictional Characters 2006

Forbes published its list of richest fictional characters for 2006.

Santa Claus was removed from the list and moving into first place is Daddy Warbucks.

Forbes claims that it still sites Santa's net worth as infinity but removed him from the list as a result of being bombarded by letters from outraged children insisting that Santa is real. For now, they thought it best to take him off the list until the matter of Santa's authenticity is verified.

Meanwhile, Daddy Warbucks has done well this year moving him ot the top of the list. Defense contracts in Iraq earned Warbucks a fortune for his depleted uranium artillery shells. His company's energy services group won a record $59.2 billion contract to provide oil well maintenance in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

There were some amusing additions to the list this year, including Prince Abakaliki of Nigeria. The first son of King Sani Abakaliki debuted on the Forbes List at #9 with a shocking net worth of $2.8 billion. That's a pretty good sum of money considering he still wants to get his hands on his father's estate - with your help of course.

Also new to the list is plumber Mario with an amassed fortune of $1 billion. According to his entry, he amassed his fortune slowly by overcoming obstacles in order to collect one gold coin at a time.

Confrontation - How I Met Your Mother

One recent blogging trend is to post clips from You Tube. I like this one because this is my favorite number from Les Miserables. It stars Neil Patrick Harris and some other dork from one of those new comedies on CBS.

Grey Gardens

What an absolute delight to be working at the Walter Kerr theater these last two days. Grey Gardens, starring Christine Ebersole is in full swing on Broadway after a successful run Off-Broadway. Grey Gardens is based on the unusual but true story of Edith and Edith Bouvier Beale - the aunt and first cousin of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy O'Nassis.

They were an odd pair and lived together as complete recluses for over 20 years. It's a sad story told in two acts.

Act I takes place in 1941 on the evening of little Edie's engagement party where she would have announced her engagement to Joseph Patrick Kennedy, Jr if it weren't for her mother's meddling. Not able to leave well enough alone, her mother sabotages her engagement by telling Joseph an absolutely scandalous story about little Edie swimming naked at the country club. The Act ends with little Edie running off to New York to pursue a life independent of her mother.

Act II takes place over 30 years later. It opens with little Edie reading an article that describes how Grey Gardens has fallen into disrepair and tells the audience how much she adores her mother. Clearly, she wasn't able to make it on her own in New York and tells the audience that her youthful fancies were cut short because she had to come home and take care of her of big Edie. The two women have developed an unhealthy and bizarre co-dependent relationship in their dire isolation. And their house has become a 28 room litterbox for 52 cats.

The musical is based on a documentary made about the two in the 70's. Shortly after it aired, Jackie O ended up cleaning up and restoring the house for them. Shortly after that, Edith Beale senior passed away, giving lost life back to little Edie. To raise money, little Edie sold the house and pursued a cabaret career. Ultimately she ended up in South Beach, Florida where she died of a heart attack about 3 years ago.

If you are a Kennedy-phile, you absolutely have to see this show.

If you want to offer your support to a good, original Broadway musical than book a ticket now.

Coffee Flavored Pancakes

As of two months ago, I don't remember ever having made pancakes for breakfast. I guess one day, when the weather started to hint at getting cold, the idea of making pancakes from scratch seized me. So, I pulled my Fanny Farmer Cookbook from the shelf, blew off the dust and found a basic pancake recipe. I followed it perfectly but they didn't taste very good. (Maybe it was the baking powder.)

A few days later, while doing my grocery shopping, I remembered that pancake batter comes premixed in either powder or liquid form. I searched the shelves for the cheapest box and bought an equally inexpensive bottle of maple syrup.

It probably took me a week before I opened the box to make a new batch for breakfast. All I had to do was mix it with water and voila - perfect pancake batter.

I was happy.

Shortly after that, I ran out of coffee. A vague memory caused me to mine the pantry until I found the instant coffee I'd bought during the years preceding my ownership of a coffee maker. It was still good. Not in the way that instant coffee is at all good, but at least it was still drinkable.

Lazy me, I left the instant coffee on the counter and there it sat until. . . the next time I went to make pancakes on that same counter, it occurred to me that if I added the instant coffee with water as the liquid to the instant pancake batter, the result would be coffee flavored pancakes. So I mixed 3/4 cup of hot water with instant coffee mix which I then added to my mix and in the time it takes to make 8 or 9 pancakes I had coffee pancakes.

This morning, I added the coffee directly to the batter without the bother of dissolving it first and you know what?

They were even better than that first batch I made.

Aren't pancakes great?

Spamalot

So.

This afternoon, I got to work at Spamalot - finally.

And you know what? It was eh.

They lifted so much out of the Holy Grail movie, I didn't realy feel like I was watching anything that original.

Spring Awakening

This week, the powers that be have sent me to work at The Eugene O'Neill Theater where Spring Awakening is in previews. Spring Awakening is a musical based on a stage play from the 1890's. The music was written by Duncan Sheik and works well with the book written by Steven Sater.

The original play, which takes place in Germany, was written 1891 and concerns the audience with the affairs of teenagers discovering puberty. It was so controversial at the time, that it was banned from being shown in England. I guess it was banned for so long it was forgotten about until Steven Sater discovered it and decided to renew the story as a musical for which he enlisted the help of Duncan Sheik.

I'm not at all familiar with the original stage play by Frank Wedekind. But after watching the play last night, I could see why it was banned. The play offers a very frank discussion of what happens when teenagers discover sex. It's a tragedy. Two of the characters lives are ruined by their innocent sexual encounter because their parents were too ashamed to explain the consequences of intercourse before marriage.

I enjoyed watching this show. Every one talks like it's the 1890's but all the music is written in a contemporary rock style. And boy does it work well.

The costumes are great. The staging is great. The production design is great overall.

And the people in the show are talented and brilliant.

Childhood

The other day I was reminded of a childish game I used to play with two other children on my block.

When I was six years old (and for some time thereafter) Alan from next door was my friend. The third person in our group was a six-year-old from the down the block named Jimmy. We were a happy trio until we started fooling around with the notion of contracts. I'm not sure who thought of it first but at any given time, two of us would be engaged in a "contract" that excluded the third of us. The contracts were always finite and when one ran out another one would be devised.

One Saturday morning, while Jimmy and I were carrying out a contract against Alan, I remember being in Jimmy's kitchen. His father was sitting in a robe at the table drinking coffee but I couldn't see his pajamas. My dad always had his legs covered under his bathrobe so this was complete mystery to me. My curiosity got the better of me and pulled his robe so I could see what happened to his bathrobe. He wasn't wearing anything underneath his bathrobe or he may have only been wearing boxers. It's not the clearest memory in the world. What I remember clearly however, is not going to Jimmy's house much after that. I got into trouble.

But, I ask you. Was that fair? Why didn't Jimmy's father get into trouble for being half naked under his bathrobe in close proximity to a little girl? I don't know.

Having nothing to do with my inappropriate curiosity, Jimmy's family moved shortly after that incident. But Alan and I continued our friendship well into 4th grade. It was then that we started to drift apart. Very sad. We never were friends beyond that. But I do have fond memories of trading and flipping baseball cards with him and playing kickball in the street with Alan and other children from the block.

After nine, my friendships took a cruel turn. As we slowly approached our teen years, the other children started to notice that I was different and took great pleasure in embarrassing me, humiliating me and terrorizing me. I'm sure my childhood isn't that different from anybody else's. So, I won't leave you with an awful story. Not after telling an almost amusing anecdote like the one above.

I'll save the darker stories of my childhood for another post.

Did I Have to Tell You

Very often, when a blogger doesn't post for a while, the next time they do, they explain that they were on a hiatus. Did I have to write an entry about that? Or were you able to figure that out for yourselves?

Turkey Eggs

This morning, as I was preparing a delicious egg breakfast for Jon, it occurred to me that I've never seen a turkey egg. I started to wonder
if people eat turkey eggs. So I looked online to see what I could find out about the production and consumption of turkey eggs.

Here is what I learned:

Turkey eggs are almost twice as large as ordinary chicken eggs. They have a pale creamy-tan color, with dark brown speckles. The huge yolk is golden-orange in color.

Turkeys don't lay as many eggs as chickens making their eggs impractical to package and market.

Turkey eggs are mostly used for hatching more turkeys.

In case you were wondering about cultivating your own turkey eggs, I also learned that it's not exactly legal to keep wild turkeys for the purposes of laying eggs and it's not legal to eat those eggs.

Some sources say that turkey eggs are not that pleasant tasting while others said they taste better than chicken eggs - but that's pretty useless information.

Basically turkey eggs are not available commercially for eating.

The Vertical Hour

This weekend I'm working at The Vertical Hour - David Hare's latest play - at The Music Box.

The play stars Julianne Moore and Bill Nighy both in their Broadway debuts.

Julianne Moore plays a former war correspondent turned poli-sci professor at Yale, who supports the war in Iraq. Her character refers to it as "the liberation of Iraq". But don't worry. The play doesn't try to make you believe in what's going in Iraq. Bill Nighy's character does not support the war and disagrees quite eloquently with the point of view offered by Moore's character. A lot of the play is a discussion about what's going on over there.

It's a very smart play. I'll write more about it later.

INTERESTING
Sam Mendes was running around the theater this afternoon because he is the director and the show is in previews. He's a pretty good looking guy.

Keanu Reeves was in the audience today. He has a messy beard and his hair was askew and he looked exactly the same in person as he does on screen.

Les Mis

When I first posted that I was going to be working on Les Mis several weeks back, one of my friends commented that I should ask for a raise for sitting through the 3 hour opus. Another commented that he always wanted to play the role of Thernardier. And one other was surprised that they were bringing back that Old Chestnut (great expression by the way).

Before my week at the Broadhurst, I'd never seen the musical or listened to the music. I know the book the show is based on and I'm currently re-reading the classic by Victor Hugo. But the musical - well, I never got to work on it during it's original Broadway run and could never afford to see it. Basically, going into the Broadhurst, I was skeptical. I'll be honest. I rarely like musicals that are very, very, very commercial with broad tourist appeal.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that I love this musical. Now, I know the reviewer from the NY Times thought this production was like a story told too many times by the same story teller; that the emotional message had been diluted after being removed so many generations from the original. But for someone that's never before seen a production of Les Mis, it was exciting and refreshing, moving to the point where I cried, and an almost perfect theatrical experience. During the week, I'd only watched the show in bits and pieces but there was one day where I watched the show all the way through. And by the end, I was wrecked; tears streaming down my face; exhausted from the impact of an emotional story very well told.

The casting is great. I'll start with Thernadier because a friend of mine commented that he would want to play that character if he were part of the show. He's the bon vivant who runs the inn where FANTINE has left her daughter for good keeping. The number MASTER OF THE HOUSE is about him. He's an opportunist that represents the dark, disenfranchised people of the Paris slum of St. Michel. And he's played with great aplomb by the phenominally talented Gary Beach. He's just a funny guy and offers a clownish interpretation of this famous number from ACT I. But his MASTER OF THE HOUSE isn't just a foppish innkeeper enslaving Cossette. He's also a scavenger and a thief. He brings great depth to his performance.

The woman who plays his wife, the Thernardiesse as she's referred to in the book, is big and brassy and scary and angry and funny. Jenny Galloway gives respect to the character that she plays with the right balance of humor and gravitas. She's so enjoyable to watch I found myself wishing that her part was even greater than it was.

Jean Valjean is played by Alexander Gemignani. His performance alone is worth the price of admission. He displays a great vocal range and is masterful when combining the art of acting with the art of singing. The last time I saw him on Broadway he was starring in the recent revival of Sweeney Todd as The Beadle. He was wonderful in that too but until I saw him in LES MIS, I had no idea how strong a performer he is. When he sings he commands your attention utterly. You can't look away. And when he is on stage with someone else, he works well not to step on the other person's toes. Most notably, in his confrontation in the duet with Javert he passes the lead vocal back and forth as easily as throwing a ball. And on top of that, he looks like Jean Valjean as he is described in the book. One can almost say that he is the physical manifestation of Hugo's famous protagonist.

Chief Inspector Javert is played by Norm Lewis. He is in my opinion the strongest singer in the show. What a set a pipes on him. His voice is remarkable and listening to him was a almost a religious experience. His voice is loud and strong and you can tell he's been training for a long time. He's had the kind of classical training that lends itself to opera, musical theater or R&B. What an absolute delight. Okay. His performance alone is also worth the price of admission and he's just as comfortable sharing that duet with Alexander Gemignani as vice versa.

With regard to the children in the show, they are all fairly interchangeable and no one really stood out to me as being more or less talented than anyone else. The actors playing Fantine, Marius and Cosette are adequate but that's okay. This is the kind of show where the parts are strong enough not to rely on the strength of the performers and can carry adequacy. I'm not saying that they aren't any good - it's just that compared to the performances of the previously written about actors, they're just adequate.

I will dedicate this last part of my entry to EPONINE. The actress that plays the teenage EPONINE was last seen in The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Celia Keenan-Bolger is entirely believable as the scrappy tomboy on the verge of discovering her womanhood. She broke my heart when she sang ON MY OWN and then A LITTLE FALL OF RAIN at the beginning of ACT II. Eponine is possibly the most tragic character in literature. In the book, she is starving, neglected and all her clothes are threadbare. In the play, she is the same.

If you're the kind of theater goer that has seen Les Miserables umpteen times then don't see this show, because like the NY Time reviewer you won't be able to watch this show without comparing it to the original and you probably won't like it. But if you're like me, and you never got to see it, then I strongly, strongly recommend that you see this show.

You'll enjoy the experience.

Ironic

. . .because Osama doesn't really vote. . .

Ladies and Jellyspoons

When I was very little, I memorized the following from a jokebook for children.
=========================
Ladies and Jellyspoons

I come before you to stand behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Since next Thursday will be good Friday
We will have a father's meeting for mothers only.

Wear your best clothes if you don't have any
And please don't come if you can be there
Admission is free, please pay at the door
Have a seat on me, please sit on the floor

No matter where you managed to sit
The man in the balcony will certainly spit

I thank you for kind un attention
And now to present to you

FANFARE
(fanfare added as adult for embellishment)

The Four Corners of the Round Table