America's Most Smartest Model Episode - 8 recap

It's hard to believe I've made it through 8 episodes of America's Most Smartest Model. But I can't stop watching . AMSM is compelling and I'm more than a little bit invested in the outcome. My wish is that either Brett or Rachael win. But more likely it will be the "now villain" of the show, V.J. Logan.
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The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend
It's another sleepy morning at the Surreal Life/Rock of Love/America's Most Smartest Model house and we see sleepy models rising at an unspecified time because the contestants live in a bubble beyond the time space continuum. It could be 6 in the morning; it could be 10 in the morning. The home audience never sees a clock. We only know that models wake up just like the rest of us.

VJ stretches to life mumbling something like "there must something more to life than being really, really, really, really ridiculously good looking" (No VJ. I'm afraid there isn't more to your life than that). Angela is alone expressing regret at Daniel's departure. While telling us about her desire to stay until the end, we see her opening and closing panels that look like circuit boards. What new torture device is this? I don't know and I'll never know because there is no explanation given for what she's doing.

After VJ and Angela are shown in the house alone, we see Andre, Pickel, Brett and Rachael sunning themselves by the pool side. Andre lets out a big celebratory yell and Pickel replies "All you have to do is get rid of his enemies and now he becomes a nice guy." They have developed a new alliance and they are determined to kick out Angela and VJ. Much cockiness ensued as the new alliance of four, with much false confidence, discussed their plans to pick off VJ and Angela. Pickel was particularly cocky. Leaving that clip in is the REALITY SHOW version of foreshadowing.
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Note Du Jour
Angela beckons the other models into the house She's found a table stacked with sneakers and workout clothes and the note du jour. Pickel deduces that "something physical is coming up." Angela reads the note du jour aloud. "Good morning models. Today, you will be put through a grueling test of both your bodies and your minds. Divide yourself (shouldn't that be yourselves? Mary Alice must truly have written this note) into teams of two. Put on this workout gear and meet me in the living room in one hour."

VJ looks to Andre to become his partner. Andre calmly tells everyone to take moment, breath and then choose. VJ camera speaks that this is his opportunity to get to know Andre better. But Andre camera speaks that he doesn't want to join up with him because he's a disgusting and he's a sneaky bastard. In the calm moment that followed, Angela asked VJ to be her partner. Andre joined up with Rachel, Pickel joined up with Brett. And things seem to be going according to the grand plan of the new super alliance.
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The Edge Challenge - Survival of the Fittest
One hour later, the models walk into the next room where podiums and treadmills await. I was pleasantly surprised to see Ben Stein awaiting the contestants, because that means there is going to be quizzing and an opportunity for viewers at home to feel mentally superior to the silly, skinny people on the boob tube.

Ben Stein explains that one person from each team of two will answer as many questions as he or she can in one minute and the other will participate in an endurance challenge. The winner of the quiz wins a low setting on the treadmill for their team mate; second place earns a higher setting; third place even higher. Pickel is the first contestant.

Ben Stein signals to Mary Alice to start her stop watch because that is about all she is qualified to do when it comes to challenging somebody's smarts. Ben reads the first question. Pickel answers 10 out of 15 questions correctly. Angela and Rachael each answered 13 correctly meaning that VJ and Andre set their treadmills to 6 and Brett had to run with his treadmill at level 9. And the running begins. And goes on and on. After about 15 or 20 minutes, Pickel tells Brett to stop because he wants him to save his energy for the next day, leaving Andre and VJ to battle it out.

The challenge goes on for so long that both Ben Stein and Mary Alice lose interest. After an hour, they push the settings up to 7. And then to 8. Ben remarks that he never knew this competition would get so intense. That's probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard him say. Eventually, Andre just got tired and stopped running leaving VJ as the winner. Angela and VJ won an important Edge for the upcoming Callback Challenge. Not only did they earn the right to change their clothes nearby for an inhouse fashion show (which will make sense later), they got to choose one other person to go with them. They chose Rachael.
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You Take the High Road and I'll Take the Low Road
The Call Back challenge was difficult, for both groups of three. The contestants had to put on a runway show for Mary Alice Stephenson and some random guy who I guess is important in booking modeling jobs but not being into modeling myself, his name didn't register with me. For Angela, VJ and Rachael, the challenge was pretty straightforward. They used a dressing room next to the catwalk to change into three different outfits for their catwalk test.

However, Brett, Pickel and Andre had to change outside and get through an obstacle course before walking down the runway. But they had to act like they hadn't just been through a grueling physical challenge. And on top of that, they had to do it all in a finite amount of time; seamlessly transitioning between outfits.

The only one who wouldn't know would be the visiting guest judge but how he didn't know something hinky was going on indicates that people in the modeling industry just aren't very smart or observant.

VJ, Angela and Rachael all did pretty well. Mary Alice drooled while she told VJ how well he did. I wouldn't be surprised to hear about some scandal involving both of them after a winner is announced in a few weeks.Angela won the challenge.

Pickel, Brett and Andre all had problems. Of course, they did a great job considering they had to run through tires, race through monkey bars and spin five times while balancing on a bat. But they didn't even credit for trying. In fact, Mary Alice seemed to go out of her way to make sure that the visiting guest judge model agent talent booking guy noticed every single thing the three of them were doing wrong.

Mary Alice had huge problems with the fact that Brett looked pissed and went out of her way to point it out to he visiting model booking talent agent guy. There were other things Mary Alice didn't like. For example, she chastised Pickel for opening his tuxedo to reveal a vest underneath because it was to Chippendales. It wasn't that bad and besides models are supposed to show off their outfits. She didn't like that Andre winked and blew kisses at the end of the catwalk.

She didn't like that Brett looked pissed off and she really hated when he tried to defend himself by reminding Mary Alice how much she loved his runway performance before. He told her that in previous challenges he had received good feedback from her for doing exactly what he had done in that challenge. And she got upset because she's inconsistent and she's not very nice.

But mostly, Mary Alice didn't like the fact that Pickel, Brett and Andre are NOT VeeJay. She has a thing for him. And I think it's as obvious as when she's drunk. By the way, I'm happy to point out that Mary Alice did not appear drunk in Episode 8.
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Elimination
Andre, Pickel and Brett were called out as the three worst. And in spite of Mary Alice's badgering of Brett throughout the elimination, she decided to send home Pickel because he only answered 10 questions correctly in the EDGE challenge.

What is Ben Stein doing on this show? I mean I understand why Mary Alice is on the show. She's obviously looking for some kind of validation for the years she's had to put up with people thinking she's dumb because she's beautiful. But Ben Stein is pretty established. My respect for him is dwindling even more than after I found it he's become a spokesman for Intelligent Design.

Couldn't he just bring back Win Ben Stein's Money? Now, that was a good show.

My Eating Plan

In case you were wondering, my diet is going very well. Although I am not weighing myself, my face is getting thinner. I've fallen into a comfortable pattern of preparing meals and tracking my foods and I'm starting to enjoy bike riding as much as I did when I was a teenager.

Overall, I am feeling much better. I haven't quite gone down a whole dress size yet, but I suspect that goal will be met by the end of the year.

Broadway Strike Still Not Over

The League of American Theater Owners and Producers and The Theater Stage Employees Local One IATSE are taking a 12 hour break after negotiating throughout the night. They stopped at 6:30 this morning.

And while they are taking their break, we have to wait and wait and wait.

If you're already making 6 figure salaries like eveyone involved in the talks, you should not be allowed to deprive the people who earn much smaller salaries the opportunity to make 1/8th of the money you earn for working half as much. It's not fair.

I'm sure everyone was positive the strike would be over by now.

Hopefully, Broadway will be back in business tomorrow.

More Talks Scheduled

More talks are scheduled today between the two warring parties on Broadway. The meeting will take place at an indisclosed time and location. My boss is optimistic, so much so, that he scheduled for 8 shifts of work next week. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Oh. And in case you hadn't heard, by court order The Grinch is now playing at the St. James Theater.

America's Most Smartest ModelEpisode 7 Recap

In episode 7, the models are given a brief reprieve from the competition or so they think. What started as a night out to celebrate Daniel's 24th birthday, turned out to be the most challenging of Edge challenges yet.
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The Morning After
After the challenge the models were stunned that blond Rachel was sent home before the actual elimination ceremony. Daniel walked into the living room and found a cake with Happy Birthday Daniel inscribed in frosting. Daniel was so excited because the note du jour told the models that they were getting a night (even thought it's day time) at Republic to celebrate. I'm amazed that with the all the experience we have as a nation who watches reality TV, that anyone would be surprised that a night out wouldn't be just a night out. Yet, the poor unsuspecting models walked blindly into an evening of traps set up by Mary Alice Stephenson.
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The Edge Challenge
The models had a lovely dinner in a private room at Republic. They ate, they drank, they were merry. And some of them held liquor better than others. Daniel and Rachael seemed to get drunk the fastest, while VJ, Andre, Pickel, Angela and Brett seemed to hold their own.

After their meal, the models were invited to a party in the next room where they found other people dancing and drinking. Again, there were so many clues that the models were being set up that they really should have caught on. For example, this party was taking place during daylight hours. That should have been their first clue. While the models were shown entering the party, Mary Alice revealed to the audience at home that the party crowd was sprinkled with industry professionals.

The fact there were so many industry pros in the room should have been the second clue.The Edge Challenge was meant to test the networking skills of our contestants. After the models made the rounds, only VJ was able to figure out that they were competing and he networked his little butt off. Brett was his usual level headed self, realized that he should network but didn't know he was in a challenge. He also came out okay at the other end the challenge. The others didn't so well.

Andre thought that Robert Flutie of Flutie Entertainment was hitting on him and blew him off so he could continue speaking Romanian with the hot girl they planted in the crowd to distract him. Poor Rachael was too drunk to make a good impression. Angela also thought she was getting hit on by Robert Flutie and blew him off as well. Pickel behaved in a sexually aggressive manner with some designer (who I'm sure is really important but please forgive me for not knowing who she is). And poor Daniel was just a happy drunk behaving like a guy celebrating his 24th birthday. Imagine how surprised the models were when they were brought into a room to be judged.

Here are two of the more memorable moments from judging.
(1) Andre was called out for not truly being Russian. One of the people sitting on the Andre's panel of judges spoke Russian and tried engaging him in a Russian conversation. He had to admit that he is indeed Romanian and not Russian and while he understands Russian he doesn't really speak it.
(2) Daniel walked into that judgement room like a sheep into a room full of wolves. He was completely pie eyed and acted drunker than drunk. He even warmly embraced the wolfiest one of all, Mary Alice, and smothered her with affection and compliments like Mary Alice probably hadn't heard since her 24th birthday.

VJ won the challenge because he remembered everyone of importance that he met and he collected the most business cards. Rats.
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After the Challenge
The models were upset that they had been sabotaged but no one was more upset than Daniel who threw one the biggest adult tantrums I've ever seen on television. He behaved like the spoiled brat that he is. He has to be spoiled. I mean who else gets their PhD by age 24 unless someone rich is bankrolling them. No one. He's a very lucky boy. He's smart. He's good looking and he's rich. He won the life lottery. Does he have to model too?
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The Callback Challenge
VJ won a huge edge. As the winner of the previous challenge, he was able to decide how much time the other models had for their Callback Challenge photo shoot in declining increments of time. VJ as the winner had 30 minutes. He assigned Rachael 10 minutes, Angela 8 minutes, Pickel 6 minutes, Brett 4 minutes, Andre 2 minutes and 1 minute to Daniel.

Not only did the models have a time limit for their photo shoot, they learned the shoot had to be done with a farm animal. VJ chose the horse. Angela chose the pygmy goat. Rachael chose the donkey. Brett chose the pig. Pickel chose the chicken. Andre took the llama which left poor Daniel with the ostrich.

The photo shoot was for Antik Jeans which means that the models focus should have been on featuring the jeans.

VJ posed with his horse but for all his smarts and all his minutes; all his lying, cheating, stealing and kissing ass, he was unable to pull off a good photo because his photo ended up being about him instead of the jeans. Angela's picture was unsatisfying which made me wonder why this pretty, smart, well educated woman has to be a model as well. Isn't what she already has enough? Rachael's picture came out looking very posed although she was showing off the jeans. Brett did the best he could with his wild pig which he ended up chasing all over the farm. Pickel ended up with a picture that was more about the love between a man and a chicken that it was about jeans.

Andre made the most of his two minutes, by posing in profile with his llama. With everything that was going around him, he succeeded in making sure the jeans were the first things you saw when you looked at the picture. He justifiably won the challenge. Daniel's picture came out really bad. He had one minute to pose with an angry ostrich and in his photo he looked terrified and ugly.
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Elimination
Ben Stein's one and only appearance in Episode 7 was at the elimination ceremony. And the only really cool thing he said was, "This is very painful. but like involuntary servitude after the enactment of the 13th amendment, you have been abolished." With that, Daniel was sent home. He wasn't street smart enough and his modeling wasn't there. Angela was warned that being a know-it-all will hurt her if she continues behaving like a know-it-all. And pretty, sweet, full of personality Rachael was warned that she's feeble and has to build up her self-confidence.

If that advice were coming from anybody except Mary Alice I might believe it was valid. But Mary Alice seems drunk in every episode and to me that means that she lacks the self-confidence that she's advising Rachael to build. I think she may be projecting a little of her own insecurities onto the two remaining female contestants.

If Mary Alice has a medical condition that makes her appear drunk, I apologize to her. Because then my assessment is unfair and cruel. But if she really is drunk, maybe she's the one who should be working on her issues and not the remaining contestants.

Broadway Stagehands Still on Strike

The latest report I read about the strike said that the IATSE Local 1 broke off negotiations with the League of American Theaters and Producers because the producers are still holding out on that one issue.

What's the issue? Producers don't want to pay for what they consider "extra" stagehands for load-ins. Load-ins are the time when stagehands move everything into a theater for a show. For years, the way it's worked, is that Local 1 requires a minimum number of people for every load-in, even if some of those people aren't working.

Extra people mean that if someone gets injured moving the insanely heavy and expensive equipment require to make that "Broadway magic", there are people ready to fill-in and keep everything on schedule. But before you start feeling sorry for either side, stop. This money issue isn't keeping the producers from buying second and third vacation homes. And of course the union has a huge slush fund from which they can pay their members for the duration of the strike.

That's how I intepret the situation. I don't REALLY know what's going on in everybody's heads. But I do know that Local 1 and the League are ruining it for everyone else who isn't a theater owner, producer or stagehand. The little people are the ones who are getting hurt.

I am now looking for another part-time job that I can hopefully start in the coming week, because the strike is going to continue until the 25th of November.

Broadway Negotiations

I wonder what happened at today's negotiations between IATSE Local 1 and the League of American Theaters and Producers. All I've been able to learn from watching hours on end of NY1 is that beloved stagehand died last night while picketing in front of the Minskoff Theater. He had a heart attack. That's sad.

Notorious New Jersey

Jon's been working on his website and it's really starting to look good. Check out the new revised site at Notorious NJ.

The Nutritionist

I saw the nutritionist today for my second follow up visit. Last time I saw her, I'd lost 5 pounds in two weeks. Today's visit was a little bit disappointing. In spite of all my efforts, including increased biking and super dilligence watching my food intake, I only lost 2 pounds. The nutritionist said that any number lower than my previous weight is a good number. And I know this. But knowing and accepting are two different things.

The nutritionist tried to encourage me but I'm still disappointed. I actually lost the amount of weight my diet plan is designed for, 1 pound per week. But compared to that first five pounds, it's natural that I'm disappointed.

I have to force myself to accept that today's result is a good and appropriate result. I'm doing well and I have to stick to this.

America's Most Smartest Model Episode No. [does it matter?] - Recap

(For a more detailed recap visit AMSM Episode 6: You can't fix stupid at DSO Media.)

The Edge
In this week's episode Mary Alice tested the model's knowlege of geometry - well, shapes anyway. The models didn't have to do anything more than measure and draw a series of assigned shapes to win this week's Edge challenge. (So was it really geometry?) What was the edge they gained? A designing session with Project Runway's season two loser Santino. Do you remember him? Exactly. Me neither. I haven't thought much about him since I saw the episode of Project Runway where he lost because his clothes were ill-fitting. (I didn't recap Project Runway otherwise I'd link to that episode).

It was in a random room at Cal State that Pickel and Brett won the Edge Challenge because they were able to successfully cut out six shapes. Not only that, Pickel and Brett got to choose what shapes the other paired up models would have to use to fashion outfits. By the way, there is no real life modeling situation where models would have to design and make clothes using only rhombuses and circles but apparently this was what the models had to do for their Call Back Challenge. I don't really understand how designing dresses out of random shapes tells anyone how successful the contestants will be at modeling. But that's what they had to do.

Call Back Challenge
I feel lazy today so I'll make this short and sweet.

* Brett and Pickel won the Call back challenge because Brett looked hot in his scanty outfit. Mary Alice and her female guest judge were drooling at their macho display.

* Aussie Rachel and VJ lost the challenge because Brett and Pickel assigned a circle for their design and their outfit looked really bad.

* Even though Daniel and blond Rachel designed the only outfit that looked like actual clothing you might find in in K-mart, she sent Rachel home in tears because she's not that smart. And she didn't let her forget it. Watching Mary Alice berate blond Rachel was like watching someone club a baby seal. It was unnecessarily cruel. And while I agree that she was not very smart or a very good model, she was still a nice person. Mary Alice was mean, is mean and will continue to be mean until she sobers up

Ms. Stephenson is not a nice person. And I'm starting to get turned off to her as a host of the show. I hope that Ben Stein becomes a stronger presence because I'm really getting tired of Mary Alice.

The Strike on Broadway

Yes. I am being affected by the strike. I didn't work on Saturday and I'm not working tonight. At first I was thrilled because I didn't want to work the Saturday Matinee of Rock-n-Roll by Tom Stoppard starring Brian Cox and Rufus Sewell. But I did want to work the Saturday night performance of the Duran Duran concert. And I wanted to work my full week of The Farnsworth Invention including the opening night performance on Wednesday night.

Hopefully, the strike will be resolved by then because I love working openings. Especially when someone like Hank Azaria is starring in the show. I'll have to bring pen and paper to keep track of all the celebrity patrons.

Aside from missing the great opening night affair, I'm also missing out on making money. That kind of sucks. And I probably won't be able to apply for Unemployment because I'm sure the strike will be resolved before the week is out.

Work

I worked that extremely long show last night. And it was extremely long. I handed out almost 60 headsets which wasn't so bad. It was manageable. But I didn't leave the theater until 11:10 and I didn't get home until after midnight.

When I got to the station at 11:15 I had just missed an N train. And another one didn't come for 25 minutes. Considering I got to the theater around 6 pm, it's a good thing the company is paying extra to work this show.

The show was good. Naturally, I identified the places that could be completely chopped out without hurting the play, but I'm sure the playwright wouldn't agree. Quite a few of my patrons complained it was too long. It takes real balls to demand that your audience sit and watch your show for 3 hours and 10 minutes (add 2 10-minute intermissions for the 3.5 hour show time).

I was finished so late, that the porter locked me in. The only way I could exit was through the stage door. I had to walk across the stage. I hate walking across the stage for fear of knocking something down on the set. I felt so embarrassed. I also had get past a couple of the actors who gave me the usual "who are you?" look and when I exited through the stage door the waiting fans gave me the same "who are you?" look followed by disappointment. The fans apparently did not recognize me from my role as the headset girl in the back of the orchestra house right.

Weight and Work Issues

I'm still on my new eating plan and it seems to be going well. Slowly but surely my jaw line is reemerging as I lose the weight. And I'm finally able to enjoy biking again now that the cooler air is also cleaner air. Breathing has been easier and I've been able to go longer distances. Today we went around Roosevelt Island twice.

But what was first an energetic effort to prepare food is now becoming a daily chore. I was hoping more for a habit but I guess I'm just lazy by nature. When everything is going well it's easy to follow my plan. But when I start worrying about things over which I have no control, I want to stop eating. It's like the worry just takes over the area in my brain that I'm using for the eating plan.

For example, at the beginning of the week, I thought I was working five easy shifts at the theater plus one demanding shift Saturday matinee. But the powers that be pulled a bait and switch. Tonight and tomorrow night, instead of working the concert show originally assigned, I have to work at the 3 .5 hour long play at the theater I'm not going to mention. Apparently the rep working that show broke a rib, and I'm the only other person with enough experience to work the demanding play. Apparently it's a heavy headset show. The play is so long, it starts a half an hour earlier than everything else on Broadway. And it's so demanding I have to get their half an hour earlier than normal just to set up the headsets.

I know it shouldn't but these things make me anxious. At a busy show, I'm always worried that I'm going to run out of equipment or mix up people's ID's. I do have the experience. I have done it before. I guess I just don't want to.

I don't know what to expect. It may not be bad at all. Just long and boring. Anyway, I have to force myself to eat because when I'm nervous I don't remember to eat. And if I don't eat, my whole eating plan will get messed up.

America's Most Smartest Model - Episode 5

Note Du Jour
In the recap, we are reminded that last week VJ sabotaged Jesse by dominating their bathing suit shoot photo. This is the perfect set up because in Episode 5 of America's Most Smartest Model, there's a shift from Andre as the bad guy to VJ as the bad guy.

This obvious plot point is placed early in the episode. After a couple of beefcake scenes of male models lifting weights as part of their early morning workouts; after Blond Rachel explains how wonderful it was to cuddle with VJ all night, Angela reads the note du jour. The note du jour tells the contestants that their Edge Challenge will test their knowledge of anatomy. Angela reads the note with absolute glee because she has some kind of degree in animal sciences which she thinks will give her an advantage. Anyway, within the note du jour portfolio was a book on anatomy.

Remember, the thread of this episode is that VJ is an evil prick. And in true prick fashion VJ grabbed the anatomy book much to the chagrin of the other models. Those poor unsuspecting models. How were they to know that VJ would steal the book? Oh. That's right. Because he steals things. Pickel camera speaks that VJ is a slippery eel or something to that effect and laments that VJ grabbed the only anatomy book. But you have to wonder how much the models expect they are going to learn in the time between the reading of the "note du jour" and the actual challenge. You either know things or you don't. I understand the concept of staying up all night and cramming before a big test but cramming for an hour? I don't know.

Anyway, the models do the best they can, studying from the encyclopedias that are lying around the house which seem completely adequate. But they're not happy because as Pickel puts it - or was it Brett, the boys are starting to look alike to me - the information is so vague and doesn't tell them anything.

VJ may have annoyed everybody by stealing the anatomy book, but Angela seems to annoy the models even more because she's a know-it-all gloating under the guise of helping the other models with their studies. She explains the secum (what?) to Andre and jokes with Aussie Rachel that the human body has a colon and a semi-colon to which Rachel responded with a polite laugh.

Lisa knows that she has to "step up the smarts and the modeling" or she's in danger of going home. She knows there's a target on her back. And so does Blond Rachel who avows that she is going to do whatever it takes to prove that she is "a smart girl".

The best part of the study segment comes to us from a very special room in the house with anatomical models and a big skeleton. Andre is alone with a bisected model of a pregnant woman. Inside there's a plastic fetus which gets Andre to thinking about relationships between men and women. “There’s this male fetus, he’s not even born yet, and this woman’s suffocating him! Like, it remind me of my ex-relationship! Like, poor baby! They do this before we’re born! Give the guy some space! Och!” He may have some mother issues. SOVIET!!!
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The Edge Challenge
The next segment takes place in a science classroom at Birmingham High School. The models line up in front of science teacher Mr. Morrison. On the table in front of him is a tarp covered pile. And what was under that tarp? A pile of fetal pigs, of course. The models have to cut open the fetal pigs and identify 9 different organs. This generates various reactions from the models.

Angela is an expert so she's pretty confident. Daniel was a biological anthropology and anatomy major so he's fairly confident that he's going to do well. Blond Rachel seems upset. She had a potbellied pig named Chelsea and all those little fetal pigs reminded her of Chelsea the potbellied pig as a baby.

To get the models through the moral quagmire of having to cut up something dead, the science teacher explains to the models that these fetal pigs have never lived because their mother was ill and they were removed by C-section before they ever breathed air. Whatever. The only one who had a real problem with it beyond being grossed out was Blond Rachel.

The models did well on this task. Several of them got A's including Angela, Daniel, Brett and Blond Rachel. VJ's butcher block experience earned him an A as well. (I thought VJ and Blond Rachel were the actual stupid models on the show. I found this confusing because they both did well) Daniel had the cleanest board and the best carved organs (nudge nudge wink wink)which earned him an A+. He won the Edge Challenge which was an advance copy of the script that the models would be using in the Call Back Challenge the next day. And he would be able to shoot his commercial with warm water. All the other models would have to use cold water for their shower spots.
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Back at the House
After the challenge, we spend a little time with the models while they get ready for the next day. Daniel practices his lines and Andre practices taking cold showers. The next morning, the robe clad models emerge from the house into the bright morning sun. And in their robes they climb the AMSM bus and head over to a studio for their commercial shoot.
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The Call Back Challenge
When the models get to the studio, Mary Alice is standing there with Zosimo Maximo, a commercial director and Matt Heinze, the client. I say standing but I mean wavering. Mary Alice doesn't like she's feeling all that well. But before disappearing until the end of the segment, she explains. The models will have 10 minutes to shoot as many takes as they need and afterwords another model of their choosing will choose their best take. The models pair up quickly leaving Andre out in the cold or he may just have withdrawn because as he explains to Mary Alice, this is a competition and he doesn't trust anyone. But he gets talked into picking Pickel who he thinks is fair (even though he's American [my words, his thoughts]).

The models have 20 minutes to learn their lines. Daniel and Aussie Rachel start. Daniel is practicing his lines like he's just learning them. He had all night to learn 30 seconds of copy and his nerves seem to be getting the better of him. While he's rehearsing VJ is posing for the camera within earshot of Rachel and Daniel learning what he can. This leaves a bad taste in everyone's mouth (not just Rachel). The models were seething. Bret even said something to him but to his credit he told Bret to shut up in a very impolite way. In his camera speak he makes a point of making fun of all the other models by using a mocking baby talk tone and distorted face.
It was fun to watch the models struggle through their cold shower spots. In the end, Lisa and Blond Rachel did the worst. Mary Alice actually gave Blond Rachel an F because she lives to make Rachel cry. And much to the dismay of all the other models VJ won. VJ shot the best commercial. Andre addressed Mary Alice on behalf of the group, reporting that they thought VJ cheated but you know what? Mary Alice didn't give a shit. She informed the models that what VJ did was perfectly alright with her. And the client informed the models that he really didn't care as long as he had a good commercial. Zosimo Maximo didn't seem to care.
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Elimination
After the models cat walked their way into elimination, Mary Alice called down the two models who thought they were in the bottom two. And in perfect in sync, Blond Rachel and Lisa walked out of the pack. Mary Alice wasn't sure who should be sent home so she called for a "SMART OFF". Lisa looked blankly forward while Blond Rachel made a face like a guppy to register her surprise. If you look closely you can see her gills moving.

Here are the questions Ben Stein asks during the Smart Off and how the girls the answered. (a big thank you to DSO Records for doing the work of breaking out the quotes)

Ben: “In what country is Darfur located?”
Rachel: “Oh, I’ve heard about Darfur. I knew there was a problem there. Arabia?”
Lisa: “Yeah, all I could picture for that is a men’s cologne.”

Ben: “Who wrote the famous American Novel, Tom Sawyer?”
Rachel: “… Tom Sawyer?”

This is what I expected from these two. But then all of a sudden, Blond Rachel starting answering questions correctly.

Ben: “If you are betting on a 3-1 bet, and you win, how much do you win?”
Lisa: “If you’re betting five dollars? Five dollars.”
Rachel: “15 dollars?”
Ben: “Yes, of course.

Tell me, in what century was the American Civil War?”
Rachel: “The nine…teenth century?”
Ben: “Yes! She got that! She got that!”

Mary Alice gave such a look - a genuine double take. She could NOT believe that Rachel got one right and quite frankly neither could I.

Lisa wasn't delivering. So Ben decided to give her one more chance to prove that there was something in that pretty little head of hers so he threw her a real easy question.

Ben: “I think frankly, Rachel is way ahead in the Smart-Off, but I’d like to give you a chance to go a few more rounds in the Smart-Off and see if Lisa can pull herself together… Who did George Bush run against for President in 2004?
Lisa: “Oh my gosh… in 2004? Um, … Dole. Is that right?”
Rachel: “John… Kerry?”

Poor Lisa. She camera speaks that knowing trivial things like who's running for President aren't really important in the grand scheme of things. She insisted to Mary Alice and Ben that she had street smarts so Ben asked her one last question.

Ben: "What is Mary Alice's last name?"
Lisa: "Alice?"

Lisa was sent home. Lisa is weepy as she tells the camera that we haven't seen everything she can do. But the real last note comes from Brett who is determined more than ever to get rid of the sneaky VJ. And just like that we have a new bad guy.

A Noteworthy Scrabble Game

Jon and I played an exceptional game of Scrabble tonight. Together we made six bingos. I made the words "brainier" "cascade" "guising" and "zygotes". Jon made "tastier" and "overeat".

Here are our final scores.


And here is the final board.

Autumnal Arrival

I think it's safe to say that we've left all that nasty hot and humid summer weather behind and that Fall has officially arrived!!!

Yes. I used a capital F for fall. I know seasons aren't supposed to be capitalized, I'm just happy it's here - finally!!!

Mammogram

Yesterday morning I went in for my baseline mammogram. All I have to say about the experience is OUCH!!!!

America's Most Smartest Model Episode 4 Recap

Jesse was finally sent home. I'm sure he's glad to be out from under the cruel, cruel glare of Mary Alice's spotlight. For a complete and thorough recap that is also totally hilarious please visit my friend at DSO Records. I don't have it in me to do a recap this week.
America's Most Smartest Model
Episode 4 Recap

The Nutritionist

I had a two-week followup visit with my nutritionist. I couldn't believe it when she told me I'd lost 5 pounds. And I lost 1% of my body fat. I was truly, genuinely surprised.

The reason I was surprised is because I don't weigh myself and I haven't been weighing myself. There's all this baggage attached to my scale and I find it's easier not to face it directly for now. And I don't have to. I am using the nutritionist as a crutch, which is why I went to her in the first place.

I was also surprised at how off some of my food counts were. For example, I thought that 1 tablespoon of oil was equal to one fat exchange. Wrong. Turns out that each tablespoon of oil contains 15 grams of fat which make it's equivalent to 3 fat exchanges. But that's okay. Remember how I thought I wasn't eating enough in certain areas of my diet. It was in those areas that I'd made mistakes counting and turns out I was eating enough without going over by too much.

I thought I would have only lost two pounds because my doctor said that my new food plan was designed to help people lose about 1 pound a week. I never expected that I would have lost 2.5 pounds a week which is what I did. That means that if I keep losing at this rate, I will have lost 10 pounds by the middle of November.

I'm proud of myself.

Mystic Seaport

Jon and I went to Mystic Seaport for a two day visit. It was lovely. Here is a picture of Jon and me in a land locked row boat.


And here's the link to my Mystic Flickr page in case you want to see more.

Happy Halloween!

Swimming Penguins

America's Most Smartest Model - Episode 3 Recap

So much happened in this week's episode I've decided to follow the stories of two of the models who as far as I'm concerned are the stars of the show - Andre and Mandy Lynn

Andre
The episode begins where the last episode ended. The remaining models are celebrating with drink. Angela is doing body shots off of Blond Rachel. The boys are pretending like they're not more into each other than they are the women. And Andre is in the kitchen all by himself studying the encyclopedia hidden by VJ and Blond Rachel. He's studying it quite hard so it really must be the encyclopedia with all the information in it. (see last week's recap).

Those silly models. In an attempt to be friendly, they invited Andre over to party with him. He refused and took their kind invitation as a direct assault on his Sovietness. Daniel was offended by Andre being offended and he started blowing air onto the fire that is Andre's temper. What started out as a benign invitation to drink turned out to be a full out battle consisting of Andre's hyperbolic criticism of the United States government and Daniel's (look who's come out of the closet) hissy fit. I guess everybody went to bed angry and by everybody I mean Andre.

The next morning, Daniel was explaining to two of the women in the house exactly why Andre is such a jerk. Apparently, according to Daniel, there have been a lot of changes in the Soviet Union that Andre doesn't seem to know about. Also, according to Daniel, Andre is abusive to not only Daniel but to other women as well. This conversation was all in ear shot of a slowly waking Andre. The house may look big on the outside, but it's very small on the inside. Daniel's comments meant another well developed tantrum from Andre and more hissing and whining from Daniel.

The Edge Challenge
All these good feelings followed the models into the Edge Challenge. I'll describe this as best as I can. There were plates of food in front of each model consisting of something healthy and something junky. For every question the models answered correctly they got to eat something healthy. If they answered a bonus question correctly they could give their junky food to another model. There was palpable fear in the models eyes as they were confronted with the possibility of eating chocolate cake, Twinkies and pancakes.

After camera speaking about his muscle-inducing diet of . . ."eggs and rice and beans and stuff" Andre answered his first questions correctly and promptly gave his enormous piece of chocolate cake to Daniel. When Daniel answered his questions correctly he didn't give his cake to Andre but to poor Jesse, who is eternally struggling with his weight. (To play up his weight problem even more, the editors left in a nice three shot of Jesse shirtless and flabby with Andre and Daniel in the foreground). Why Daniel did this I'll never know. He said it was because this is a competition. But I think he did because secretly he has a crush on Andre and doesn't want to continue alienating a possible love interest.

But that didn't stop the other models from piling the cake on Andre's plate.

Mandy Lynn
It was during this challenge that the focus of the episode shifted from Andre to Mandy Lynn.

Mandy Lynn answered her question wrong. Ben Stein asked her which weighed more - a ton of feathers or a ton of rocks. Guess what she said. Yes. She said a ton of rocks. Her punishment was to eat a piece of chocolate cake. The Edge Challenge came to a crashing halt because Mandy Lynn would not eat her cake. She claimed it was because she has a small tummy, that she had eaten enough, that she couldn't eat another bite. The truth is she didn't eat any of it and like any good girl from Long Island with an eating disorder (I went to school with lots of them) she quit the contest instead of having to ingest something that might actually put meat on her bones.

Dropping out of the Edge Challenge meant she wouldn't be able to participate in the Callback Challenge. Awwwwwwwww.

When it came time to participate in the Callback Challenge Mandy Lynn found a note from Mary Alice with two boxes of hair coloring. It was time for Mandy Lynn to dye her hair one solid color. Mandy Lynn was surprised that she had to do it herself. She was expecting a stylist. But instead of dying her hair which I suspect she found too challenging because of all the directions and stuff, she was going to be a good sport and participate in the Callback Challenge anyway.

Callback Challenge
What was the Callback Challenge? The contestants had to work out with Gilad - the king of TV workout shows. Whoever won this challenge would win a spot in one of Gilad's workout videos from Hawaii in addition to an automatic pass to next week's show. As the models took their place on the workout mat, poor Mandy Lynn had to stand on the lawn. As thin as she is, there was still no room for her. Andre and Blond Rachel were grousing how hard it was to work out on a full stomach. (It probably wouldn't surprise you to know that most of the models were exercising on full tummies because of how badly they did in the Edge Challenge).

They all managed to get through the workout - all except Mandy Lynn who got tired rather quickly (probably because, I suspect, she never eats) and decided to retire back to the house and dye her hair. You could see the disappointment on Mary Alice's face as she looked up from her champagne glass. Did I mention that Mary Alice was sitting on a chaise with a glass of bubbly while the models humiliated themselves for the sake of this challenge?

I don't like this Mary Alice.

Anyway, in the end Brett beat Aussie Rachel in a one on one endurance competition for the Hawaiian video spot. A lot of bitter not-so-macho whining ensued. Those boys can be such bitches.

In the end Mandy Lynn was sent home with her new brown hair. But not before upsetting Ben Stein's balance. He was literally struck dumb by her boobs at one point of the elimination segment. It was so bad that Mary Alice had to take over from Ben, redirecting her cruel spotlight onto the slightly overweight Jesse. Before sending Mandy Lynn home, she managed to completely break down both Blond Rachel , for being too skinny and too weak, and Jesse who was in tears because he just can't please Mary Alice.

Mandy Lynn was this week's loser. I thought that was mean of Mary Alice to make her change her hair color if she knew she was sending Mandy Lynn home. I mean we all knew it was coming when she wouldn't eat that fakakta chocolate cake. Mandy Lynn was happy with who she is. She liked her terrible two tone hair. Why did Mary Alice make her dye it? That was just mean.

Tiffany Taylor
Something about Mandy Lynn's two tone hair made me nostalgic for a doll I had as a kid. Do you remember the Tiffany Taylor doll? She had blonde hair but if you twisted her scalp, she had brown hair. She was almost 20" tall and she came with a flowing, gold, sparkly evening gown. If I looked in my parent's attic I bet I could find it.

Close Up

Days 4 and 5 - Diet

Day Four was a good day for me. I rode 9 miles on my bike. I ate most of the food I was supposed to eat. I made something delicious for dinner. I cooked chicken with spinach in my wok. It was very good. Quinoa was the side dish. I was disappointed to learn after I started preparing the Quinoa that it is equal to brown rice in terms of carbohydrates. 1/3 of a cup of Quinoa cooked equals 1 of my 7 allotted starches. Fortunately, I had enough starches leftby dinner time, that I could gobble up a decent portion. But I guess healthy alternatives are just as fattening as other healthy alternatives.

Day Five is going okay as well. Although I'm having trouble figuring out where I'm going to eat being that I have to eat outside my own kitchen. I'm actually behind schedule on eating. I honestly believe I may not have been eating enough before I went on this plan. Or maybe I was eating too much fats but not a lot of food? or too many carbs? I don't know. But I do know I'm starving right now. I've not had much to eat.

I spoke with the nutritionist about the days when I don't consume all of my calories and she strongly advised against it. I'm eating 1409 calories a day right now. Apparently, as I lose weight, I'm going need to consume less than that. This was my first time hearing about this - on my cell phone, standing outside the August Wilson Theater. If I don't eat all my daily calories early in the game, my body is going to get used to that small amount making later weight loss more difficult.

I just want to meet my first goal. If I can meet my first goal, I'll be a happy camper. The first goal is to lose 7 - 10% of my current weight.

That's going to take me months. Ugh. What have I signed up for?

Day 3 of Diet - Finished

I know this isn't very exciting but writing this down is helping me keep track of everything. Blogging about it helps me organize my thoughts about the diet.

On my diet I can eat 7 starches, 5 veggies, 2 Fruits, 2 Milks, 8 Meat, 5 fat.

Breakfast
1 bowl cream of wheat = 1.5 starches
1 hard boiled egg = 1 meat
1 small banana = 1 fruit
That left 5.5 starches, 5 veggies, 1 fruit, 2 milks, 7 meats and 5 fats for the day

Mid Morning snack
1 piece of bread with 3 slices of sausolito turkey = 1 starch plus 1 meat
1 tablespoon of pumpkin seeds = 1 fat
1 green tea energy drink which sucked up 2 starch requirements thank you very much
That left 3.5 starches, 5 veggies, 1 fruit, 2 milks, 6 meats and 4 fats for the day

Lunch
1 grilled panini sandwich with cheese and salami 2 starch plus 3 meats counting both cheese and meat - I gave 3 fats to this meal, because of the salami which was greasy
That left .5 starches, 5 veggies, 1 fruit, 2 milks, 2 meats and 1 fat for the day

Dinner
2 very small steaks which I counted as 2 meats because they were an ounce or less each
a lot of lettuce, asparagus and broccoli.
I may have gone over on the veggie requirement for the day, but the nutritionist said that it's okay to go over on veggies because 1/2 cup of cooked veggies is only 25 calories. I probably had about 4 cups of veggies. I love vegetables.
1 glass of milk
1 apple

which leaves .5 starches, 0 veggies, 0 fruit, 1 milk, 0 meats and 1 fat for the day

I'm short 1 or 2 fats depending on how much fat was in that salami and 1 milk. I burned through my starches too quickly today. While I liked the hot cereal for breakfast, I may save the starches for later in the day.

Day 2 of Diet - Finished

(12:28 am - since I wrote this post post I've eaten quite a bit more - 2 T of pumpkin seeds for two of my fats; popcorn for the starches; an apple for one of my fruits and 1 glass of skim milk)

I'm done with my second day of my modified food plan. I definitely did not eat enough.

It's 11:30 pm and I still have to eat
4 starches
2 veggies
1.5 fruits
1 milk
1 meat
4 fats

I've pretty much eaten my normal amount of Saturday food too. It's funny to think that maybe I haven't been eating enough in general.

Of course I won't eat all the above tonight. I'll probably just have some popcorn and call it a day. I'll just have to eat more tomorrow.

Day 1 of Diet - Finished

I successfully made it through the first day of my diet. Although, I don't think I ate enough food to tell you the truth. The counting thing is more confusing than you think.

Today I'm trying a different counting system see if it goes more easily.

I am going to do this. I am going to follow this diet. I am going to lose weight.

Attitude Problem

This mannaquin has an attitude problem.

Nutritionally Speaking

I met with a nutritionist yesterday who told me some good and some bad things. One of the bad things she told me about was my percentage of body fat which is a high number which I will not share with you until after it's gone down because it's just too embarrassing. The good thing she told me was that I have achievable weight loss goals and that if I follow the plan she gave me I will accomplish those goals.

The very good news came from my blood test results. My glucose level is 100 down from last year's number of 103. I always worry that I'll contract diabetes in my later life, so even though the number is still a little high, it's improving. My triglicerides were 111 which is much better than I thought it would be considering my weight. My cholesterol was 168; 41 good, 105 bad I pay close attention to this number too as we all do I'm sure. Being very old is no picnic especially if you have problems like high cholesterol.

And I am definitely immune to chicken pox. I had that checked because another doctor told me earlier this year, that I wasn't immune to chicken pox. I was right to question that. I had a very severe case as a baby and I've been exposed to chicken pox through out my life without a problem. So obviously I'm immune to it. It does make me wonder if the doctor who told I wasn't immune to chicken pox was looking at the correct results. DON'T BE AFRAID TO QUESTION YOUR DOCTORS.

The plan is confusing. It involves food exchanges meaning I have a finite amound of food I can eat in different categories - like meats and vegetables and fats and starches - and the exchanges correspond to those numbers. For example, the granola bar I ate this morning counts as 2 starches and one fat.

The nutritionist said I seemed determined and she felt confident that I will accomplish my goal. I want to lose 50 pounds and I gave myself a year. The diet is designed to help me lose 1 pound a week, so in 52 weeks, I should be able to lose the weight I want to lose.

I may or may not be blogging about this experience. I don't know.

You all already know I'm 40 years old. You already know I'm married. Of course, there are plenty of things you don't know about me.

I'll see how it goes.

Seriously Noisy

Since we've come back from our vacation, the building across the street has been undergoing renovation work.

The work is very noisy.

A Very Good Recap of America's Most Smartest Model

One day, I hope to be able to write as well as my friend over at DSO who has written yet another fantabulous recap of America's Most Smartest Model.

Check it out!

Get Well Soon

My friend's dog is sick. I hope she gets better soon. She's a sweet dog.

Trivia Trivia Trivia

I planned my schedule this week to have Wednesday night free so I could attend a pub quiz at Dempsey's. That's not what ended up happening. Last week, I requested 8 shifts of work.
Tuesday night, Wednesday matinee, Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday matinee and evening, and Sunday matinee and evening. I got seven shifts.

Monday night had been in the works for a couple of weeks. Jon and I went with our friends Jonathan and Tony to Last Exit for their bimonthly game. That game has higher stakes. It's $5 to play and most of the money collected goes to the first and second place winners. We came in third having lost the tie breaker for second place. There was almost $400 in the kitty so that would have been a great first or second prize. But alas we came in third and won drink tickets which are pretty worthless to me because I usually just drink water or seltzer.

Last night was unexpected. I hardly ever have off on Tuesday nights anymore. So I went to Tuesday Night Trivia at the Baggot Inn. My friend and her husband were hosting. It was fun. There were four of us and we won first place with a score of 47 out of 50 points. The prize was a $25 bar tab. The cup of coffee I drank on the way to the bar for the game cost me in sleep. I could not sleep worth a damn last night.

So after my shift this afternoon I was pretty tired - from lack of sleep. And I decided NOT to go to the Wednesday night game at Dempsey's which is too bad because I've been planning to go since last week. It's a shame. The whole point was to get scouted for Cash Cab. Several of my friends have been on it and they've been scouted at pub quizzes.

I don't when I'll have another opportunity to go three nights in a row.

America's Most Smartest Model - Episode 2

1666
It's morning time and the groggy models are waking up. Cut to Mandy Lynn. "I want a title. I want a title. I wanna be America's Most Smartest Model - hiccup giggle." Cut to VJ telling the camera that "they" changed the combinations for the locks on the bathroom and refrigerator doors. The number MDCLXVI shows up on the screen while VJ sits down with pen and paper to try to figure what these letters could possibly mean. Andre jumps in and tries to explain to Pickel that M is 1,000. Cut to Andre. "Come on folks. Locks on the fridge and bathroom. Didn't I just leave Russia?" I got the impression that even ANDRE THE GIANT EGO had some trouble figuring out the code. Scene I ends when VJ successfully unlocks the bathroom door for his morning piss.

Jesse heads downstairs to the gym. Apparently he's feeling the pressure of having only a 2-pack instead of a 12 pack like the other guys in the house. He's determined to firm up and win the $100,000. But he didn't say he wanted to firm up to be a model. You have to trust me when I tell you that this is going come up again and again and again as the other models try to get Jesse eliminated. They'll claim that he DOESN'T REALLY want to be a model; that he is there for the WRONG REASONS. This is the glue that binds Cris Abrego shows. There's always one person who's not there for the right reason.

Jesse's workout scene is the perfect segue for what comes next. We see the bathingsuit clad models sitting poolside when Daniel comes out with Mary Alice Stephenson's note du jour which, she informs the camera, she gives to the models every day so they know what their upcoming challenge is going to be. (I'm glad that Mary Alice explained that the note du jour happens every day because I wasn't sure based on the name. I'm telling you, she could be a contestant). The note condescendingly starts with the quote - from noted philosopher Francis Bacon - "for knowledge itself is power".

The models were divided up into co-ed teams of two:

Pickel and Aussie Rachel (cut to Pickel who couldn't be more thrilled because he likes her)

Andre and Lisa (to which Andre replied "Who's Lisa?" Cut to Lisa saying how much it sucks to be his partner because he's crazy)

Brett and Angela

Jesse and Erika

V.J. and Blond Rachel (she's excited because he has a nice body AND he's so sexy)
Daniel and Mandy Lynn (cut to M.L. standing topless next to chubby Jesse who is not topless. Mandy Lynn is happy to be paired with Daniel because he is "one of the most smartest people in the house)

The models have an hour to study before they have to meet with Mary Alice in the living room and all hell breaks loose. VJ and Blond Rachel monopolize and then hide the one encyclopedia with ALL the information. Is it likely that one encyclopedia has ALL the information? No. But they don't know that. Poor things. They really are quite dumb. A large argument breaks out. And everyone is really mad at them. Much pouting ensues and Rachel and VJ have established themselves as sneaky and underhanded. Well. Until they all make up and become friends again tomorrow.

Puzzle Me Pretty

The contestants walk into the living room and find a board with different subjects kind of like a Jeopardy board but with prizes instead of dollar amounts. The prizes are clothing, makeup packages, props, hair stylist etc. - things that they'll need for the Call Back challenge the following day. They have to answer questions correctly to win prizes otherwise they will be naked at the next day's challenge. The better the prize, the harder the question. Jesse is understandably concerned.

Pickel starts strong by identifying Gold from the chemical symbol AU and wins doctors and nurses outfits. Mandy Lynn chooses a question from the WHAT IT STANDS for category and identifies GOP as Governors and Presidents. She took too long apparently, prompting derision from Blond Rachel who accuses her of taking too much time. This was funny because later in the challenge Blond Rachel told Ben Stein that Napoleon's last name was Pierre and it was Mandy Lynn who supplied the right answer, stealing Rachel's prize.

There's too much that happened during the game for me to cover. This is a blog post, not a novel. I'll sum up. Jesse and Erika won a bed and finger paints. They have to be naked for their shoot. Andre was angry at Lisa for winning lipstick instead of clothing because they already had a make up kit. Everyone else did okay. It wasn't as humiliating an experience as I was hoping for but I was glad the models were able to answer basic trivia-like questions, with a couple of exceptions of course.

That night the models started planning for the next day. VJ and Rachel practiced poses, clearly demonstrating that they are attracted to each other (for now). Andre and Lisa went outside to practice and Andre couldn't have been nastier. Lisa wanted to warm up by the outdoor fire which led Andre to accuse Americans of being weak losers that he obviously hates. They fought and we were left wondering if these two crazy kids will ever be able to work together as a team.

The Photo Shoot

The next morning Mary Alice Stephenson wakes the models up and then makes them jump into a pool. I'm not sure why. When they get out of the pool they put on robes and then get into buses they can go to the shoot with absolutely nothing. But jumping into the pool was completely unnecessary. They really could have just put on robes in their rooms and then gotten onto the buses.

Pickel and Aussie Rachel ended up practically naked for their photo shoot using only a stethoscope and a nurses hat from their prize of doctor/nurse clothing. But they had a huge advantage in that they were able to get their makeup done. The shoot went well for the most part. Andre and Lisa were able to work their tension into their photo. VJ and Rachel used their sexual tension to create a pretty picture. Erika and Jesse had problems. Jesse's big belly (again, their words not mine) made posing awkward and the two of them produced the weakest photo.

In the end, Pickel and Aussie Rachel won an automatic call back to next week's show. The two worst photos were produced by Daniel/Mandy Lynn and Jesse/Erika. Guess who went home. I bet you're thinking Mandy Lynn. Well. So did all the models. But you would be wrong. So now you're thinking, it was probably Jesse because of his terrible TWO-PACK stomach. you would be wrong again. It was decided that Erika just didn't have what it takes to be a model. In her exit interview, she said that she's going to prove that short Latinas can make it in the modeling industry.

I wish her luck. She was probably one of the sweeter contestants on the show. But it is a contest and a sweet personality isn't going to keep you on a reality show where bitchy personalities loom large.

A Letter to Whoopi Goldberg About Quitting Smoking

I've been watching The View from yesterday because I was interested in seeing the Hilary Clinton segment (don't ask me why. I don't even like Hilary) but I got sucked into Whoopi Goldberg's segment on smoking. She was filmed talking to several people working for The View to see how they quit, in order to guage how difficult it might be for her. I hope that she googles herself and finds this post.
-------------------------------------
Dear Whoopi.

I was happy to hear that you would like to quit smoking. But it will be difficult. You just have to do it. Don't TRY to do it. Just do it.

I smoked for a long time, about 18 years, before I decided to quit. It's been a little over three years. I told myself that I wasn't a smoker and that smoking was unnatural for me. That was enough. It was a struggle. But I did it cold turkey. I just had to train myself not to smoke.

Perhaps you've heard that the craving to smoke goes away after three days. Don't listen to anyone who says that. If you've been smoking a long time, that's total shite. You will want to smoke every day. The cravings are intense and they last for a very long time, but they do pass. Don't bother fighting them, just let the feeling move through you. The cravings start to decrease in time and intensity. Eventually you'll spend so much less time craving you'll forget you were ever a smoker.

Now that I've said that, I'll contradict myself a little bit. There were times when the craving took over so badly that I just had to have one. The other secret to my success was that I would smoke one cigarette every two months or so.

Because you're human, you'll have to give into it every now and then, but when you do after months of not smoking, that cigarette is going to make you feel sooooo sick. But it will satisfy. It will sustain you while you continue NOT to smoke. The first one I had after months of not smoking made me sick to my stomach. But even those occassional slips will pass. It takes a LONG time to completely quit smoking. I don't mean to be discouraging but you have to be realistic.

There is no mystery. There is no secret. There is no trick. JUST DON'T SMOKE. And eventually you won't need to smoke anymore.

Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself if you do slip, but stick to it. And you'll be golden.

Remember, you are not naturally a smoker. Smoking is not natural. Think of that everytime you want to buy a pack.

JUST DON'T SMOKE.

Footfall

Here's another less than creative film I shot of my feet.

A Short Film

Going through some old photos I found this short movie filmed on our old camera. I like it because it reminds of the kinds of films our parents use to shoot on their little 8mm cameras.

Parasite Pals

I was just looking through some pictures we took on our trip to San Francisco in 2005 and I noticed that I take a lot of pictures of odd things. I love taking pictures but I end up taking more pictures of things than I do of Jon and me where the things are.


For example, in Chinatown, among a billion other things I took pictures of, I shot these Parasite Pals. What are they? I remember posting about them when we came back from our trip but I complete forgot what they were. Parasite Pals are characters that appear on merchandise. Weird, huh?

Fall Weather At Last

Autumn has finally settled in.

I celebrated by going on a 10 mile bike ride with my husband. And it felt good to finally be able to exercise in nice cool weather. The ride was challenging. Not for Jon. He's gotten so strong from all the riding he did this summer - he doesn't mind the heat as much me - that he takes hills with little to no effort. But I still have to huff and puff my way up even the shortest hills.

But it will get better. I'll get back to where I was in the Spring and hopefully, if the winter stays mild like it has been over the last few years, I should be able to lose the weight that I gained this summer and more.

Hump Day

It's the middle of the week. Hoorah!! And I'm in between two work shifts. I would love it if there were somewhere I could nap for a couple of hours.

I used to have a very, very good friend that lived in the city. It was someone I grew up with. When we were friends and she lived in the city, hers was a place I could go if I needed to crash for a couple of hours.

I miss her. We were friends for a long time. Mostly, I miss the idea of her. In the end, she wasn't a very good friend to me. Everyone I met through her ended up either ignoring me or hurting me. And she used to hurt me as well. I trusted her opinion about everything - even those opinions that didn't favor me - and as a result, she undercut my confidence for years.

She wasn't always like that. Sometimes she was really cool. I learned a lot from her. She introduced me to many interesting things.

But she would always tell me things like "you're pretty for an average person" if I ever asked her how I looked. Or if I'd shown her something I'd written or photographed she would say "that's not bad if you like mediocrity". Her approval meant a lot to me but I never really got it.

It took me years but I eventually caught on to her confidence undermining and friendship sabotoging behavior and I stopped being friends with her. My life actually improved after that.

The reason I'm thinking about her now is because someone I've recently become friends with over the last few years, wrote an interesting post about people who we love who are missing from our lives.

It's very well written and adequately expresses that feeling of loss brought up by seeing or hearing something that was introduced to you by someone who is missing in your life.

Jon

America's Most Smartest Model - Episode 1 Recap - Balls, Cherries, Balloons, Tires

So. Like there was this show on like TV last night where like all these models and stuff compete to see who's like the bestest and most smartest model and like we watched it and stuff and we like laughed cause it was like funny. You know?

It's my theory that if I watch enough VH1 programming produced by Cris Abrego parts of my brain will melt resulting in a self-inflicted lobotomy.

The premise of the show is simple - to humiliate models in order to make viewers at home feel superior. Although after listening to Ben Stein and his partner in crime Mary Alice Stephenson (who could qualify as one of the lacklustre contestants herself) we are supposed to believe that America's Most Smartest Model is earnestly looking for the contestant who possesses the right combination of looks and brains for a prize of $100,000.

The contestants are a mixed bag of nuts. Some of the models have just enough intelligence to operate their arms and legs while others are skilled enough to use four syllable words (correctly)in their regular speech. Actually, some of the models are quite smart as we learned during the introductions.

Several of the models profited from the introductions. They told Ben Stein about their academic experience and Mary Alice about their modeling resumes. After the intros, the contestants moved into their house where they discovered key coded locks. Their first test was to find the answers that would unlock the bathroom and refrigerator (year Columbus discovered America, etc). Then they participated in a spelling bee the winner of which gained an advantage. Danny was told in advance what to study for for the final challenge. And then for the final challenge the models had to walk like models while listing objects from assigned lists.

Here are some of the more memorable characters:

Daniel

Daniel is one of those contestants with an advanced degree. He won the spelling bee by spelling Bacchanalian correctly and by doing so earned an "EDGE". He was informed that his subject was Dinosaurs which he successfully named during his walking and talking challenge. He's really cute too.

Jesse

Jesse seems pretty smart but he's not quite a model yet. He finished second in the spelling bee and he's pretty good looking. However, he was told several times in last night's episode that he has to lose weight. I didn't see it.

Mandy Lynn

Mandy Lynn looks like a porn star and has done nude modeling. Ben Stein thinks she's really pretty but Mary Alice thinks she looks slutty. For her walking and talking challenge, she had to list objects that were round. So she repeated "balls, cherries, balloons and tires" over and over again through her challenge because she didn't want to keep track of too much. She's really sweet, but she might be the dumbest person on the show, in spite of her claim that she builds websites.

There were a few other characters who stood out.

There's Blond Rachael who isn't very smart at all and not that pretty. Although she is thin and blond. But between you and me she looks a little too old to be starting a modeling career.

There's Pickel - short for Jeff Pickel who has ADHD and a 135 IQ which he was quite proud of although I myself would not brag about my 135 IQ. Mine is lower than that but still, it doesn't seem like a high enough number for bragging rights. He is also very handsome.

There was a Russian guy whose name I can't remember. My friend thinks he's faking the Russian accent although I think he's legit. But we both agreed that he was cast as the BIG JERK on the show that we'll keep wishing gets eliminated but will mysteriously survive every elimination. He has a great body but a really lousy personality. He also looks like he's been punched in the face once a year since puberty.

In the end, the models who were sent home were Gaston and Victoria. Gaston and Victoria both did badly during the walk and talk segment. Apparently Gaston didn't impress the judges when he listed DIRTY PENIS as one of many things that smell bad. He also walked like he had a load in his pants which was also not very impressive. Victoria was the first one to spell a word incorrectly in the spelling bee and she couldn't list a European city outside of Italy.

I'll watch again next week.

Brussels Dinner and Morning Walk

Continuing on with our tour of Brussels, Jon and I strolled the area surrounding the Grand Place until we found a place to have dinner. We settled on a restaurant called the Roue D'Or for some traditional Belgian food. I liked their decor. You can see they painted the restaurant in a style inspired by Magritte.


Jon ordered the duck confit while I ordered chanterelles. I was excited about the chanterelle mushrooms which are very expensive in the states (meaning I've never really eaten them before). But I was disappointed that I ordered them. They looked good but they were smothered in garlic and butter and I couldn't really appreciate their flavor. And I found that Jon's duck was WAY too salty. The restaurant was in Jon's guidebook so I was expecting the food to be better. I have to admit that it was good to finally sit down and have a meal. But I should have gotten a salad.

Either way I was content to be sitting in a fancy restaurant in a foreign country on the day before my birthday. During dinner Jon told me that he wants to get me a dog for my birthday. I'm still thinking about the breed. I'm leaning toward either a Norwich Terrier or a Shihtzu - both known for their adorable appearance and affectionate personalities. That news made me happy as you can see below. (That's funny. I'm wearing that shirt right now).


The morning of my birthday we were scheduled to depart for Bruges on an early afternoon train so we went for a walk around Brussels looking at the cool murals. We even had enough time to check out one church.

Here are two murals that I particularly liked.

This one was clever because of the use of tromp l'oeil while not exactly being real tromp l'oeil because it's obviously a mural. I guess no one really believes tromp l'oeil anyway but now I'm rambling and that's not very interesting.


The other mural I really liked was this one by Frank Pe.


There was a Notre Dame du Bon Secours that we visited - every big city seems to have a church named Notre Dame but that's enough about Brussels.

We packed our bags, checked out of our hotel and walked to the train station for the next leg of our trip.

This Stupid, %#$&~* Weather

Update 12:53 pm- Since I posted this morning, the humidity has dropped to 61% but now I have to leave for work.

This weather is making me nuts. I can't exercise if the humidity is too high. Is this an excuse? Yes and no. The dense air interferes with my breathing and makes exercising less enjoyable than it already is. And I like breathing. I find it useful when trying to get oxygen to the limbs I need for bike riding.

I was riding my bike with Jon in the spring and I dropped weight. But this summer has been too humid. I gained back the weight I lost, well some of it, and I've been waiting for the weather to cool off so I can start riding again.

This morning, the humidity is already up to 88%. I used to welcome rain as a break from the humidity but lately rain has just been bringing MORE humidity. In New York City, the weather stays humid even when it IS raining. You're thinking isn't rain 100% humidity? I used to think that too. But I guess the air can still hold moisture even if moisture is falling from the air? Does that make sense?

Even it doesn't make sense, I'm sure you understand that I'm explaining New York City is very humid.

And I wish it would stop already.

Brussels by Twilight

Following a nice, restful nap in our very peaceful hotel room, Jon and I strolled about the city at twilight to check out the local area and find a place to eat for dinner.

One of the first things Jon took me to see was the Manneken Pis. This is a famous attraction described in our guidebook as disappointing once you've seen it. And it was. They say it's disappointing because people expect the statue to bigger than it is. It was NOT as exciting as seeing the Bosch painting, that's for sure.


More exciting for me was the gift shop nearby that sold knockoffs of the peeing boy.


After visiting the peeing boy statue we stopped for a Belgian waffle because neither of us had eaten in HOURS. I love the image of this pouty girl who made our snack. She's probably happy to have a job but thinking that she's not going to be there forever. She might be think about her senior year of high school or her first year of college. But she's more than likely sick of dealing with the public.


We continued our stroll into the Grand Square down this elegant street that had a one of many beautiful murals based on Belgian comics and the most bizarre statue I've seen of Van Gogh.


Eventually we wound our way to the great square. If you click on the below picture you'll see more pictures of the square. It was quite lovely.


Most interesting for me was this statue of a local hero who recovered Brussels from the Flemish. It's surface appears worn because people line up to rub the statue for luck. Long after I took this photo we went back to the statue so I could touch it when no one was looking.


I know I'm dragging out this first day, but we did so much that I want to document it all so I don't forget it. The next posts will be about our dinner and the morning after.

Brussels

We spent our first day of vacation wandering around Brussels. Because we arrived so early, we couldn't check in yet. Our hotel was very strict about that, for reasons I still don't understand. This was tough because neither of us had slept on our 7 hour red eye flight and we both needed a nap. But we busied ourselves with a visit to the Royal Museums of Fine Arts in Belgium.

We saw some amazing pieces. The first painter we saw walking into the galleries was by Heironymous Bosch. I took several pictures of his masterpiece, The Temptation of Saint Anthony. This theme is one I hadn't before seen in paintings but now I am fascinated by it. We saw another work based on this theme in a French museum later on. What's amazing about this work is the utter imagination shown by the painter to express the theme. Here are some of the parts I liked.

Here someone is getting stabbed in his face which is also a rearend.


And these are two particularly surreal abstracts


This is a painting that I found particularly appealing but unfortunately I don't remember the artist. And the museum website is no help.

I also saw for the first time paintings by both Brueghel the Elder and his son. I didn't photograph these paintings because I was intimidated by the guard sitting in the room and the sheer number of people crowding around to look at the fine details of each painting. It could also have been that I was too tired to lift my hands to take a picture.

We travelled deep into the bowels of the museum to view thier most famous piece. It was literally five floors underground. And that painting would be The Death of Marat by Jacques-Louis David. We had so much trouble finding the painting that I was too tired to enjoy it sadly. But Jon was happy. And now I'm happy I've seen it in hindsight.

This is a view of Brussels from the top of the hill up which we marched to visit the museum. Our hotel was near that great spire in the distance.


And this is the first shot I took of Brussels as we made our way from the train station to our hotel which we were finally allowed to check into at 2pm.


Before we spent our day in Brussels I would never have believed that two people could see and do so much in one day. After we took a little nap, we continued exploring the city. That post is forthcoming.

Gobsmacked

Gobsmacked is my favorite new expression. I've been watching some reality show programming on BBC America and the word Gobsmacked comes up all of the time.

According to dictionary.com Gobsmacked means utterly astounded.

It's a great word. Don't you think?

Paul Williams

Last night I saw Paul Williams and his wife at the Drowsy Chaperone. I wasn't quite sure it was him. I remember the chubby faced Paul Williams when he made guest appearances on The Love Boat. But was reassured of my sighting when I got home and did some research.

He looked really good. He is better looking now than when he was younger and his face is much thinner.

If you're not sure who he is, here is a link to his website and to his wiki page.

And if you're too lazy to read those he wrote a little song that we ALL love called

The Rainbow Connection
Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it,
and look what it's done so far.

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic....

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la laaaaaaa

Happy Birthday Jon

Jon's birthday was yesterday. (Happy Birthday Sweetie).


On Saturday, I waited patiently for his departure so I could spend the day preparing a special dinner for him. We had to celebrate early because we had a bigger celebration for our friend yesterday.

Here's the menu.

Appetizer
Shredded carrots with a dijon mustard vinaigrette

Entree
Roasted chicken with pita stuffing
Saffron rice
Asparagus

Salad
Mesclun with dijon mustard vinaigrette

Dessert
Angel food cake with chocolate frosting topped with kiwi

With dinner I served a Riesling from Alsace. I decorated the table with a 1/2 dozen small sunflowers and I used our China for the first time.

I was actually going to make a beautiful creamy potato/asparagus soup but the weather was quite warm on Saturday and the apartment was infernally hot because of all the roasting and baking, so I served it with the chicken.

And I ended up making two cakes. The first one didn't come out so good. I used a muffin mix in a loaf pan, which technically would have been fine, but I buttered the loaf pan and then lined it with wax paper. The wax paper fused itself to the cake and burned because of the butter. So, I trimmed off the yucky burned paper and cut it into brownies. For the bundt cake, I sprayed Pam and used NO wax paper. The result was much better, as you can see. But don't be that impressed. Both cakes were from mixes.

In the end, we really didn't have too much room for the salad.

We had to walk off the meal a bit before eating the cake.