Gone With the Weekend

Monday mornings are so much nicer when you don't have to go into work. I have off on Mondays because most theaters are closed -- the same way as NYC museums. What makes this an exceptional Monday morning is the weather bonus. At this moment a thunderstorm is hovering over Queens and rain is pouring down. Usually around 8am the local birds remind me that I'm sleeping by waking me up with their petulant chirping. This morning, around 9:30, it was the sound of water hitting the ground hard and fast. Guess which way I prefer to wake up.

Saturday, I finished out my work week with two performances of The Odd Couple. After watching it for a week, I feel like I know this particular production. This play has been around for over 40 years so it's pretty tried and true. When you're mounting this show, you really only have to worry about casting and production design because the script is tight. If performed properly, every joke hits and audiences roar with laughter every few minutes.

Which is why I'm amazed that Matthew Broderick was able to get so many laughs. He gave his most wooden performance as Felix Unger. At times it seemed like he was on stage for the first time - insecure, stiff, uncomfortable and so quiet at times, you'd think he'd forgotten about that one deaf person in Secaucus to whom he's supposed to be projecting. But then at some point you realize either Joe Mantello, the director, told him to act that way or these were choices that Broderick made for his portrayal of Felix Unger. The performance completely lacked energy and for the most part the voice he chose was just awful. (The man's been on Broadway since he's 17 years of age. That's more than half his life. He should have been the best one on that stage.)

But maybe I shouldn't be amazed, because as I said earlier The Odd Couple is a very good play - so good that even if one of the actors turns in a so-so performance the play could still be a success as it is. Every performance I saw had the audience in stitches.

There's a really good and honest review of The Odd Couple at Gay City News. I agree with Christopher Byrne's review regarding the performance of Matthew Broderick and his criticisms of the director Joe Mantello for not helping Broderick give the best performance possible. You may not know this, but it's the director's responsiblity to make sure his actors aren't screwing up on stage and in the case of Broderick, he didn't do much to help the situation. (It's interesting that Montello is also the director for Three Days of Rain. Julia Roberts could have used some help and it seems Montello failed her as well.)

As much as I think Mr. Byrne accurately described Matthew Broderick's performance as the weakest point of the show, I don't necessarily agree with his criticism that the play is an anachronism and doesn't hold up - that people don't get it.

And here's why. Most theater goers know this play and understand that it takes place 40 or so years ago. There's no reason to underestimate the American public by assuming that the values and expectations of the 60's are so foreign to us now that a play like this can't be successful. The proof is in the ear splitting laughter. It's pretty clear that this play is set in the 60's. It says so in the Playbill and the set design, costumes and language couldn't make it any more plain.

I still recommend seeing this show if you can get a ticket. The performance turned in by every other cast member is delightful - particular Jessica Stone and Olivia D'Albo as the Pigeon sisters. They are wonderful and save the dinner scene at the opening of Act II . If it were up to Broderick, evereyone would have used a nasally head voice and whispered all their lines but Stone and D'Albo light the stage on fire with their oxigenated energy and comic spark.

That's my favorite scene in the play and Nathan Lane as Oscar delivers the line "Is everybody happy?" perfectly. He also does well with "It took me three hours to figure out FU stands for Felix Unger."

Go see it. Go see it now. Nathan Lane is always good without exception.

Happy Mother's Day

To all mothers, mothers-in-law, aunts, grandmothers, mother surrogates, and mothers to be

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

Random Smattering of Stuff and Things

Fit for a Dolphin
Yesterday I used the treadmill at Dolphin Fitness - my new gym - and did some tricep dips.
Because today is a double feature I decided to skip a day but I'll go back tomorrow for some eliptical machine and stomach work.

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An Odd Pairing Indeed
Last night I started a new schedule at the Brooks Atkinson theater. They are currently showing The Odd Couple by Neil Simon starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. It's good. I was expecting Matthew Broderick to sleepwalk through the play but he didn't. I'm not going to say he was great but I will say he was good. He chose to give his Felix an annoying voice, which, considering Broderick's natural voice is already annoying, wasn't really necessary -- but he delivers well enough. He doesn't suck. Nathan Lane is the real star of the show. He could act with a box and make the box seem interesting - luckily for Broderick whose good enough performance was a little forced and wooden at times.

The key to performing in any play is energy and Nathan Lane has enough energy to pull the whole cast through the show. It's a good show. I recommend it. It's worth the money. This is good advice indeed considering I don't even like Neil Simon with one exception - this play. The women who play the Pigeon sisters are really fun as well.
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Coconut Lime Verbena
Bath and Body Works has a wonderful new family of scent that combines the essences of coconut, lime and verbena. I bought the bubble bath, the hand lotion and the body spray and I smell good enough to eat.

New Gym

I joined a new gym. A couple of months ago, I let my NYSC membership run out. It was a beautiful gym but it was always so crowded and I never used the shower or sauna. Heck, I didn't even like going into the locker room.

I found a gym that's closer to my house, much smaller and much cheaper.

I just bought a 3 month membership for the same cost of a session with a private trainer at the New York Sports Club.

I checked it out today.

It's clean and nice. The only problem is the thunk thunk music they play but as long as I have my own portable music player, I'll be okay.

Yay me!!

The Worst Pies in London

Other people can be so noisy. And by "other" I mean everybody else except me. The ushers at the theater I worked at this week couldn't stop talking and yapping to the exclusion of everything else going on around them.

For example, the other night, the cast all came out on stage before walk-in to rehearse with Benjamin Eakely - who is filling in as Anthony for Benjamin Magnuson who sprained his ankle.

The cast came out pre-makeup including Patti Lupone in a warmup suit with her hair tucked into her snood.

This is one of the plum bonuses of doing this job. It doesn't take that long to set up so between 7 and 7:30 there's a lot of downtime. Several times I've seen the cast warming up, but usually it's only 3 or 4 cast members - never Patti Luapone. Michael Cerveris (see right) was also warming up. He plays Sweeney - quite well.
They were all out and singing intimately to each other helping to get the understudy ready for the show - to work out the kinks. They were rehearsing the duets between Anthony and Johanna and Mrs. Lovett and Sweeney Todd.

And the whole time they were giving me this private performance, every usher in the theater was running his or her yap, making sure to increase their volume as the singers on stage got louder. They weren't even discussing anything interesting.

Here are snippets of conversations overheard during one particular rehearsal from a different night.

Usher 1: Rumor has it Elizabeth Taylor is on her deathbead.
Usher 2: Oh. That's too bad.
Usher 1: Yeah. Heart failure.

This lead to a fascinating discussion about who's still hot and who's not from old Hollywood.

Usher 1: Paul Newman still looks soooo good.
Usher 2: Now he's also got Oreo cookies ...
Usher 3: Without the cream inside.
Usher 1: Yeah. His cookies are good.
Usher 2: Debbie Reynolds still looks like a kid.

(pregnant pause)
Usher 1: Betty White is still beautiful.
Usher 2: Of the Golden Girls, she always looked the best.
Usher 3: Bea Arthur was never really fly.
Usher 2: What was she? Like 6'2".
Usher 1: She always looked a little bit like a man.

Yes. I was sitting near them with my notepad writing down some observational notes based on what was going on in the theater. Yes. This was a conversation from Friday night and not from Thursday night's impromptu full cast preshow rehearsal.

I've got other notes too but they are mostly bitter observations about the not-so-friendly ushers at this theater. So... I'll keep them to myself. There's no need to be mean.

My Own Private Idaho

Is it wrong that I enjoy being alone so much?

I have been spending days by myself and I don't seem to be getting tired of it.

A friend told me today that pretty soon I'll start getting antsy but I don't see it happening too soon.

Granted soon there will have to be some kind of daily activity outside of household chores otherwise I'm going to become boring to those who know me rather quickly.

But for right now . . . I'll enjoy this just a little longer.

Demon Barber of Fleet Street

This week I'm working on Sweeney Todd, over at the Eugene O'Neill Theater.

I saw it for the first time tonight.

It was amazing, absolutely amazing.

But the theater was practically empty.

If you want to see it, see it on a Tuesday night.

Much Ado About Nothing

Before I continue writing about my theatrical experiences, I give you one more picture from the Jacobs Theatre. Here is a picture of the crowd gathering to see Julia Roberts at the Stage Entrance after the show.

100 Years of Solitude

Looking at the title of this post, you may think that I'm writing about Three Days of Rain - yet again. But I'm not.

This week I read a book called 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

It's a beautiful and strange book.

I recommend it if you're looking for something to absorb you and make you think.

Have you read it?

What do you think?

Three Days of Rain

Okay. I've seen the show five times this week. I really wanted to be fair to Julia Roberts before I reviewed her performance, giving her ample opportunity to improve. She never does. She just doesn't get better.

Every show she gives the same flat, soft-spoken, low energy performance. It's like she's on valium. There are scenes where she interacts with either one or both of her male co-stars who run around the stage with abounding energy. They give her so much to work with. Yet she somehow sucks it all in and then neutralizes all the life force being given to her as a gift from the other actors.

And she drops practically every line - well, maybe dropped isn't the right word. She seems to speak downwards. She ends every sentence at a lower pitch than she started. And she does seem as wooden as the reviewers said. Especially when compared to Bradley Cooper's performance which is like bubbly champaign next to her flat gingerale.

I realized for the first time last night that she must not have any formal theatrical training - that she's probably been getting by on her sweet personality and good looks. In film, she's great. She connects immediately with audience and is usually instantly sympathetic. She was great in Erin Brokavitch - so great in fact she won an Oscar.

But there won't be a TONY anytime soon, that's for sure.

Today I have to work on the revivial of Neil Simon's Barefoot in the Park which the critics absolutely hated. With the exception of parts of the Odd Couple, I generally hate Neil Simon. He always portrays women in a bad light.

Disney Plus Times Square Equals Misery

As if Disney's monopolization of 42nd Street and its slow takeover of Broadway weren't enough, now Disney is filming a movie in the heart of Times Square. Yesterday, Disney was filming what looked like a stunt for one of their movies.

Here is the shot they were working on when I got to the evening showing of Three Days.


If you look closely, on top of the bus you see a man dressed in a ridiculous outfit with puffy sleeves.


I can only imagine that Disney is filming yet another one of their "brilliant" fish-out-of-water sagas where a colorful and arrogant (or heroic - doesn't matter) prince from the general past (usually in a history made up by the geniuses at Disney) somehow ends up in modern times. By watching what they were doing, I'm guessing that the prince most likely will have fallen out of the sky only to find himself in a world full of mechanized monsters that transport people from one place to another.

In the meantime, trying to get to the subway station under that sign in the background that says Guest Suites is becoming increasingly difficult.

Every day it's something new preventing me from making a quick escape from the congested city. If it's not the premier of a show like Le Stat The Musical next door to the station, Disney is filming a crap movie.

Welcome to life in the big city.

The Rapping Granny

With a limited engagement of a hot play with a star as huge as Julia Roberts, there are bound to be a few celebrities in the audience. At the matinee performance, I missed seeing Tracy Ullman as she got a drink at the bar, just four feet away from me, because I was helping customers.

As I was getting my headsets ready for the evening performance, Julia Roberts walked right past me while my back was turned. I didn't know until I turned around and she'd already passed me. I saw her back. So, I can only tell you that from the back she looks like pretty much every body else, except that she was wearing a really nice spring coat.

In the audience, as people were getting into their seats before the show, I spotted Ellen Albertini Dow who much to my delight has her own website. You know her. She's the character actor who is always playing a part where she is doing something out of character for an old lady like her role as the Rapping Granny in the Wedding Singer.

I'm sure there will be others. I'll keep you posted.

Three Days of Pain

Okay. I get it. I understand why the critics are being so hard on Julia Roberts, but it's not her fault. Three Days of Rain is kind of boring. And her part in the first act is kind of lame and the fact that she's practically screaming may have had something to do with, what some critics called, her wooden performance. It's not fair when actors and actresses
have to worry about the sound quality of a show because it detracts from their performances.

Sound on straight plays is always lame. I don't know why they don't attach microphones to the actors like they do in musicals. If actors in this play had individual mikes they could concentrate on acting instead of projecting. But no. Like all straight plays where TALKING is the most important thing, only the stage is miked which means instead of individuals you hear all of it, everything. Even if you're wearing one of my headsets, instead of hearing the sounds being eminated from the people acting in the show, you hear every sound in the entire freakin' theater - including candy wrappers, coughing and the beeping of phones that weren't silenced during the walk-in (the half hour before the show starts where everyone takes their seats).

Now as far as the play goes, it's like watching someone's playwriting graduation project. I don't know how this show was chosen for Broadway - and mind you some these tickets are going for over $600. In the first act the three actors play a brother, his sister and their friend. In the second act they play their parents. Snooze. Nothing much happens. Although, the second act does afford Julia a meatier part by way of a dramatic Southern woman. Paul Rudd's character stutters in the second act which makes it even LONGER. I smacked my forehead in frustration and released a huge sigh when his character started stuttering.

I've heard that some people find the play confusing but is that Julia Roberts's fault? No. It's not. It's the play. I understand why some people found the play confusing. If you were bored by the incredibly boring first act you may have missed all the important but boring exposition and boring background stuff about the characters that would show up later in the slightly less boring second act.

Bradley Cooper is the third actor in the play and he is very good. His energy is what pulled me through the show. Paul Rudd turns in a decent performance and Julia Roberts is Julia Roberts. She is lovely, talented, sweet but very soft spoken. The Jacobs Theater seemed to swallow her voice. I listenedto her. She was talking in top voice. It's not like she was whispering.

But gosh I sure do wish she would speak louder. I hate when the patrons complain to me about the sound quality of the show. Patrons don't understand that I'm not associated directly with the theater - I'm just a vendor providing a service. Because of the nature of my work they want to talk to me about the sound of the show. I can only shrug my shoulders.

Le Stat, The Musical

Last night, on my way to the theatre, I walked by a big to-do in front of Le Stat, The Musical. There were mobs of people, boom mikes and photographers with huge cameras set up on tri-pods watching what looked like some kind of red carpet spectacular.



Actually it was the opening of the show. And it didn't get very good reviews. Not surprisingly. Most shows crash and burn within two months of opening. I remember seeing AIDA in the same theater and that was absolutely wonderful - moved me to tears. Perhaps Elton John was trying to make lightening strike the same spot twice. Of course, critics absolutely can not be trusted. If I actually get to work on this show I'll let you know how it is.

But until then save your money. Do not spend $100 or more on a show unless someone you trust and whose taste you agree with recommends that you see it.

A New Week - A New Show

I'm going to the Jacobs Theater tonight and I'm psyched as all get out. I'm leaving in 5 minutes or so.

And I'm hungry.

Yesterday, I bought a new jacket at Macy's on sale. Macy's is what Lord & Taylor was.

I couldn't believe the sales. I'm going to have to go back with a bigger plan than just buying one jacket.

Things I Missed This Week

American Idol - Now that I'm working nights, if I don't tape a show I like, I'm not going to see it. This is what happened with A.I. this week. I forgot to set the VCR but this was not a problem as the guest judge was Rod Stewart. Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe the musical talents of Rod Stewart? So no loss there.

Chris's housewarming/birthday party - Friday night my friend had a party. Due to allergies and a late shift I ended up bailing. Sorry buddy. I'll make the next one. I promise.

One thing I didn't miss this week was my old full time job.

Dirty Rotten Commute

Today was a long day, not that I'm complaining because I'm not. Because I have an amazing part-time job that is giving me a lot of joy, so I wouldn't dare complain. But Wednesdays and Saturdays are very long days because of the matinees.

Matinees end around 5 which gives me two hours before I have to be at the theater for the evening shows. I get to the theater an hour before the curtain goes up in order to get ready for the shift. So, I have to be there at 7. I would go home except that by the time I got home, I would have about half an hour to relax before I had to turn around and head back into the city.

With that said, today was a hard day to kill two hours walking around mid-town because of the unusually cold and rainy weather. I had a plan and that plan was to walk over to the lending library at 39th St and 5th and get a new library card, which I did - in the cold and the rain. I had dinner at a quiet Chinese restaurant and worked my evening show.

But then the night got really long. First, my last headset was returned 10 minutes after the show ended. Then I had to fight my way through the rain and crowds of theater goers exiting their respective shows. When I finally made it to the station I was psyched to get on the train and head home to our nice warm apartment. I waited from 11 to 11:30 as 3 R trains stopped and picked up the lucky passengers headed toward Rego Park and Forest Hills.

I didn't get home until midnight. After 30 minutes of waiting I finally went up to the clerk at the ticket counter and asked him if N trains were indeed running. He said they were running but were behind schedule. (NO KIDDING.) My question naturally prompted the N train to come and rescue me from the cold, damp station.

Three Days of Rain - Premier

I was working at the Imperial Theater the night that Three Days of Rain premiered across the street at the Jacobs Theater. Three Days of Rain stars Paul Rudd, some other guy and Julia Roberts in her Broadway debut. As you can imagine, the scene was complete chaos. People were losing their minds for a glimpse of Julia Roberts. Here is a shot of the Jacobs as the stars made their wait out of the stage entrance after the premier. If you look closely you can see a black SUV parked by the stage door amidst the crowd in which takes Ms. Roberts home every night.


And here is the rainy scene three days later. You can see Julia's SUV more clearly but not as many people. In all fairness, I did take this shot an hour before the play was scheduled to go on, but I thought it was an interesting contrast to the madness of three days earlier.


I have to admit I'm pretty excited to be working this show all next week. It's even more exciting than when I worked on Long Days Journey Into Night and that show had FOUR big stars in it. There's something about her star power that transcends reasonable expecations of her as a human being. I think critics were expecting her to give a TONY winning performance in her Broadway debut not thinking that she might actually have to practice live theater for a while before actually getting good at it.

Any way, I'll be sure to let you know what I think as soon as I have an opinion that can be expressed in 200 words or less.

Post-It Graffiti

I took this shot Tuesday night waiting for the train at the 49th St. station.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if this was the graffiti trend of the future?

Warning

One of the wonderful things about my new schedule is now I have time to do chores. Hooray!!

Thursday morning I did our laundry, spending half of what we would have spent had we had it done. Since the last time I did it, the laundromat added these warning labels to all of their machines.

When did it become necessary to warn the public against the dangers of putting people into washing machines?

Knock This Battery Off My Shoulder - I Dare Ya'

I forgot to tell you that I saw Robert Conrad at the theater Wednesday night. A lot of you probably don't know who he is, but I sure do. He was a big time TV actor for a long time, most famous for playing Jim West in The Wild, Wild West. He had a real tough guy image, so tough in fact that in the 70's he did a TV commercial where he dared viewers to knock a battery off his shoulder, which is probably the second thing he is most famous for.

He looked very old - older than 71 years of age. His white hair was thin and whispy. He's still tall and handsome but he's not young anymore. His posture is still good but he was doing the "old man shuffle" when he walked. I was very excited to see him. It's always exciting to spot a celebrity especially one that's been out of the lime light for a while.
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Last night (4/19/06), across the street from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, the play Three Days of Rain premiered. When I got to the evening show at 7, there were crowds of people hovering around the Jacob Theatre - news crews, boom mikes and cameras. Why? Because Julia Roberts is the *STAR*. Before the show crowds gathered to watch who was coming into the theater. After the show, they were crowding around to see Ms. Roberts exit the theater via the stage door. It was madness. The show didn't receive very good reviews.

I'm working the show next week.
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They've been shooting a movie in Time Square late nights. It makes leaving the theaters a nightmare as I make my way through motionless crowds of hypnotized tourist. They've never seen a camera man in a cherry picker before. I should be more understanding and bring my elbows in more while I pushy my way through the.

New Yorkers are jaded to things like movie star trailers and enormous, crowd blocking film equipment that makedaily commuting nightmarish.

NO MORE FILM SHOOTS, TV SHOOTS OR COMMERCIAL SHOOTS IN NEW YORK CITY PLEASE. I think enough people know about us by now.

Love is My Legs

This week I'm working on the show Dirty Rotten Scoundrels which is very funny.

Jonathan Pryce (you may remember him as Al Pacino's pigeon in Glenn Gary Glenn Ross) took over the role originated by John Lithgow and seems to be doing a great job.

The show also stars the very familiar Joanna Gleason, who I know so well, but couldn't tell you one thing she's ever done. I just know her. She's exceptionally good - truly a triple threat.

The story line is the same as the movie made famous by Michael Caine and Steve Martin. I didn't find the movie all that funny. Amazingly though, I find the play INCREDIBLY funny. It's mainly due to the comical performances of Rachel York as Christine Colgate, the young naive pigeon who becomes the subject of a cruel bet; Mylinda Hull as Jolene Oakes, Oklahoman heiress to a huge oil fortune; and Norbert Leo Butz as Freddy, the young flimflam man in training to be the most successful conman in the world.

His performance has been consistently funny two shows in a row. I'll see how he does tonight but this guy's got it. He could burp on stage and people would laugh. He's just a funny guy.

And of course, everyone sings, dances and acts amazingly.

Nightmare in New York

Have you ever ridden the tram that goes from New York City to Roosevelt Island? If you're not from New York, you may not know it but there is an island in the East River called Roosevelt Island. It's been around for a long time and has gone through many incarnations. Right now, it's a combination of apartment buildings, private residences and convalescent homes.

Jon and I took a tour of the island with Forgotten New York back in November.

We learned that for a long time to get to Roosevelt Island you had to take a boat. Then a small bridge was built connecting it to Queens. For a long time, that was the only way you could get on and off the island. About thirty years ago or so, the tram was added to ferry commuters to New York City and most recently, the subway.

If you're not familiar with the tram you've probably seen it. It looks like this.

Back and forth across the East River, it takes four minutes each way.

I've been on the Tram several times and there hasn't been one time that I've taken it, that I haven't thought about what a nightmare it would be if the tram got stuck one way or another.

Well, it happened today and all I can say is thank goodness I wasn't on it.

At the time I'm writing this entry, the rescue operation is underway. It involves a small basket that can move people 10 at a time. The one closest to Manhattan, suspended over either 1st or 2nd Avenue, will be the second to be rescued because the one heading toward Roosevelt Island is stuck in the middle over the water and is presumably the scarier one to be on.

The scariest part, aside from having to hold your pee for 8 hours, has to be climbing out of the tram and into that little basket 200 feet above water. To get out of the tram you have to climb out through the roof. It's not a simple rescue.

I hope it goes well.

A Couple of Things

This morning I made myself a breakfast burrito with a couple of eggs and turkey pastrami. Imagine my surprise when I cracked open my first egg and out fell a double yolk. There are several superstitions associated with double egg yolks. One predicts marriage while another predicts death. I prefer the one that says a childless couple will create a child if the woman eats the double yolk after finding it.

Since I prefer the procreation theory of double yolked eggs, imagine how excited I was when I cracked open a second egg and found another double yolk. I scrambled up both eggs right quick and greedily gobbled them up.

Maybe that means Jon and I will have quadruplets.

Ring of Fire

Friday night, I started working my new old part-time job. My first assignment was Ring of Fire at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre. Ring of Fire is a revue of music recorded by Johnny Cash. I say recorded by and not written by because when you look at the program, you realize that at least of 40% of his hits were written by other musicians. It's a decent production. There are 3 couples who do most of the performing - very young, young and not so young. I guess you don't have to be a genius to figure out that the three couples represent Johnny and June Cash at different times in their lives. Then there are 9 other musicians who perform right on stage with the cast. They sing and dance right along with the triple threats who make up the main corps. It's a talented bunch of people. All 3 male leads and at least 1 of the female can play guitar and sing and act and dance all seemingly at the same time.

There's a loose story that ties all the songs together about a guy travelling on a train that at the beginning of the revue he hears rolling - rollin' round the bend. This allows the cast to travel in time from the beginning of Johnny's career to the end.

Some of it is a little hokey but that's typical of a Broadway show that is meant for all ages. Like a Bugs Bunny cartoon, there was a little physical humour to appeal to the younger and less cerebral members of the audience. The edgier points are inferred from the music and the acting that was being done simultaneously with the singing. One of the funnier numbers is sung by one of the cast members performing as a prisoner in Folsom Prison - about how he missed Delia, the woman that he loved and then killed.

The most popular number was definitely I've Been Everywhere, Man. It starts slowly with 3 guitar players performing the main theme and ends with all 12 cast members on stage, each playing the guitar although I suspect that only 8 of them were really playing. So popular in fact that the people who sell the show's souvenirs made a T-shirt with that specific phrase.

As with all Broadway shows, Ring of Fire has a gimmicky, hokey souvenir stand called The General Store done up in a Western fashion to match the flavor of the show.

Here is the beautiful (not so beautiful) I've Been Everywhere, Man t-shirt complete with all the destinations where the singers have been.

This normally plain brown t-shirt is a 50/50 cotton/poly blend, yet if look closely at the sign,

you'll see that this cheap little t-shirt cost $30.00. Yes. $30.00 is what it says and while I stood at my booth waiting to hand out headsets, I witnessed many people buying them two and three at a time.

Speaking of my booth, I bet you're having a hard time wrapping your mind around what it is I'm doing exactly. Basically, I work for a company that provides a free service to those that are having trouble hearing. During the half hour before the show while people are walking in and during intermission, I stand in front of this booth and wait for people to come over to me and request a headset.

Each of those yellow dots is a piece of tape with a number that helps keep track of the headsets.

The patron gives me a license usually that I hold while they enjoy the show with device. At the end of the show, we make a final exchange and they go on their merry way.

In the between times, I am free to watch the show if I choose. I chose to do it on Sunday. Although I listened to the show during the shifts previous to that. Now, I understand that country music isn't for everybody. What I don't understand is why this show received bad reviews.

It's good for what it is. I recommend it to those of you that like the music of Johnny Cash or country music in general. If you thought that typical Broadway wasn't for you because the musical style threatens your heterosexuality, then this show is for you. Because it is the least gay Broadway musical I have ever seen.

Facialist

This is me doing a facial. Ain't I cute?

Plucky Bucky Goes Home

Bucky Covington was finally eliminated from American Idol (A.I.). But not before we had to listen to him sing his song out of tune one more time.

That's a strange thing they do on A.I. When a contestant is told that they are going home, they are handed a microphone and asked to sing in spite of their tears or obvious disappointment - at which point I always change the channel. Why would I want to hear someone sing the song that got them eliminated? Why would anyone think that's enjoyable?

Perhaps I'm not the only one doing this because I think the producers got wise to this. Instead of having the loser sing his final goodbye to wrap up the show in a neat a little bow, they had the bottom three sing their song as their names were being announced.

When Elliot sang I sat and listened because he was so good last night that there was no way he was going home. He was the exception.

When Ace sang, I started some turkey bacon cooking in my favorite new pan.

When Bucky sang, I fixed myself a plate and then ate said turkey bacon.

I don't have anything bad to say about Bucky. He seemed like a nice young guy who sang real well through his auditions. But it seems he left his talent behind at the auditions. Because during these last few weeks he has been consistently giving poor vocal performances.

Maybe they'll bring back Mandisa. Now she could sing even if she was politically incorrect.

American Idol - Queen

This week's theme was the music of Queen. Each contestant got to rock out with Queen in preparation for the show. But if you can't sing, no amount of preparation - even with a great group like Queen (and I use the word great loosely) - is going to help you win American Idol.

Bucky Covington contributed to the show's lackluster start by butchering Fat Bottomed Girls. The man cannot sing in tune to save his life. Yet somehow every week, he gets through. What he doesn't have in voice talent he makes up for with unfaltering enthusiasm. He ends being enjoyable to watch because he has a genuinely good time performing. But he still can't sing in tune.

Ace Young was up next. He sang We Will Rock You - the kinder, gentler version. Simon's comment best summed up his performance. "It was like We Will Rock You gently." He even managed to screw up the lyrics. This song does not have complicated lyrics. If you watched him last night, you may have noticed that he was wearing eye makeup. Very strange. And completely unnecessary. He's a good looking 25 year old man. He doesn't really need much in the way of eye makeup.

After his performance, just before Ryan cued the judges, the camera cut to Mickey Dolenz - former Monkee - in the audience. I couldn't help but get the idea that someone is suggesting that Ace Young is like a Monkee - ready to be exploited for what little talent he has.

Kelly Pickler did a decent job performing Bohemian Rhapsody. Simon said something that confused her as usual. So he simplified his critique by saying she sang good so she could understand him. She is pretty naive and it's really starting to annoy me. She doesn't understand metaphors, puns or anything with double meaning. But she sure is sweet - stick your finger down your throat sweet - and I don't think I can take the naive schtick anymore.

Chris Daughtry rocked the shit out of a song that Queen never sings live. While he was singing, the rear screen projector was showing some weird matrix like imagery. But he sang his song really well. The song was one I'd never heard but it was soooo complicated that to sing it well means something. He chose Innuendo. He could win this thing. I'm quickly shifting my loyalty from Taylor Hicks to Chris Daughtry. He might just have the better voice of the two. He does this great Eddie Veder thing with his voice that really works. He was another victim of the American Idol makeup artist. Way too much eyeliner for a straight guy.

This brings us to the very pretty Katherine McPhee. Between Daughtry and McPhee the camera cut to Camryn Manheim of The Practice fame. I couldn't tell if she was excited about Daughtry's performance or McPhee's upcoming one. McPhee sang Who Wants to Live Forever from the soundtrack of Highlander - a forgettable 20 year old movie. She sang this song well. She's a Broadway kind of singer - she belts. Except I thought the judges were being generous when they described her as having pitch problems. The truth is that instead of belting out her high notes she was shouting them and you could really hear it. She was straining, yelling, stretching her voice beyond it's limit. I wouldn't be surprised if she was in the bottom three again tomorrow night.

The very charming, but not so handsome Elliot Yamin sang Somebody To Love. It was nice to hear a familiar Queen song after the previously mentioned performances of two obscure ones. He did a great job. He really knows how to vocalize. He sings. I like him. But sadly he won't win in spite of his natural abilities.

Taylor sang Crazy Little Thing Called Love and kind of made a fool of himself. He can sing but sometimes he gets carried away with the dancing. Graceful he is not. He did mike stand thing that completely fell apart and made him look pretty stupid. And the song was kind of blech. I've long been a fan of his but since the competition began he's kind of lost what it was that I loved about him. He had an "it" quality about him that is missing now. He's becoming too much of a ham. He doesn't know how to play it cool.

Paris Bennett blew everyone away with her incredibly awesome and weirdly inappropriate performance of The Show Must Go On. I say inappropriate because there is just something strange about watching a cute, wholesome 17 year old sing like a cynical adult. Simon commented on it too. She is great but there is something weird there. She's still my favorite to win. Her talent is so far beyond anyone else's on the show. She can't be topped.

Overall the show was pretty good. It was definitely more entertaining than last weeks Kenny Rogers themed show. That show sucked for me because country music is not my favorite.

Jury Duty - Day 3

It took one hour and fifteen minutes of riding connecting subways to get to the courthouse this morning for my 10 a.m. call time. I was 15 minutes late to the juror room and nobody noticed. As I was approaching the courthouse, the defense attorney on my assigned case walked past me in the opposite direction. I interpreted this as a sign that we weren't going to trial today. Around 1 p.m. they sent us home with a notice requesting our presence again on Monday the 17th.

I'm excited to be doing jury duty and I'm probably one of very few people who say that and mean it. It's my civic duty and I want to do it. I just don't want to sit around waiting to do it and that's what I've been doing. Waiting. And don't tell me that by my being there, I'm serving as a reminder to both plaintiff and defendant that this case is serious and that I may make a difference in terms of the final decision - because there's no trial yet. Nothing's happening. The case is scheduled but isn't moving up the calendar.

This presents a big problem for me. This week I am off until Friday night, when I start working again. But next week, I'm supposed to work a Wednesday matinee and there's a good chance the case is going to run over two days once it gets started. So now something that I was looking forward to doing, something I want to do because I believe in it, has become an enormous pain in the behind.

Jury Duty

Yesterday was my first day of jury duty and I was picked as a juror for a civil suit.

I waited only two hours before my name was called to be on a panel and within 45 minutes I was on a jury. Because it is a civil suit there are only six of of us with two alternates.

The plaintiff's attorney questioned us for about 5 minutes to make sure we didn't provide any conflicts for his arguments while the defense attorney took 40 minutes. The defense attorney couldn't stop blathering. Throughout his questioning, he kept telegraphing his case leaving no room for wondering what his arguments might be in the courtroom.

Either way, I was out of their by 3:30pm and set out from Sutphin Blvd by the Jamaica courthouse in Queens and arrived on Steinway St in Astoria 1 hour later.

Traveling in Queens on public transportation takes a very long time.

Bahlaqeem

Chiropractor James C. Burda of Athens, Ohio claims he can realign your bones with the power of his mind. He calls this form of telepathic healing Bahlaqeem - a word he made up after he discovered his "ability" after healing a pain in his foot by simply wishing it felt better.

Specifically, Burda claims that he conducts his healings by travelling back through time to when his patients' injuries occurred.

You can read about his "amazing technique" on his website http://www.bahlaqeem.com and learn how he can align your body by phone or by email.

The Ohio State Chiropractic Board wants to stop him from practicing due to mental illness, claiming he suffers from delusions of grandeur.

That an official board of chiropractors wants to stop one of their own from practicing "medicine" says a lot about how insane this guy must really be. If you've ever been to chiropractors, you understand that there are some that actually help you through using a more sophisticated form of massage. There also those that use power of suggestion by exploiting the vulnerability and gullability of their desperate patients.

I've been to both kinds and find the latter despicable and amazed that the Ohio State Chiropractic Board is only stopping one from practicing a questionable form of healing.

Dermodoctor

I'm fair skinned so it's important that I get my skin checked regularly for early signs of skin cancer but without insurance it's been hard to get that done. Now that I have insurance I'm taking better care of myself and seeing all the doctors I've been putting off for years. Yesterday, I finally had my appointment with the dermatologist.

He checked my moles and my freckles and gave me a good report.

One of his comments made my right eyebrow arch like Spock's. He said, "You have a surprising small amount of moles for all the sun damage you have on your face." He didn't elaborate and I was so embarrassed by his examination of my mostly naked body that I forgot to ask him to elaborate. If he meant freckles then I understand what sun damage is but if he didn't then I don't know what he's talking about. I thought my skin looked pretty decent for someone who is almost 40 years old - slight crow's feet, the start of some laugh lines; nothing too serious.

What did he mean by that? Does anyone know?

Great Adventure - People

After the safari, we went to the park.

Here's Jon looking at a map with our friends Dave and Alicia in the background looking at the same map. We went out separate ways but joined up later in the day to play some carnival games.


The first attraction we saw was this great fountain with living sculpture. Just before I snapped this shot, the actor lurched forward like she was going to grab the two people walking by her scaring them. But then she moved right back into this position and when we left the park 5 hours later, she was still standing there.


It wasn't long before we ran into a couple of characters, literally. Sarah posed with "Tarnation" Sam and I posed with Marvin the Martian's dog.



Just after this I spotted the candy coated carousel. This section of the park was amazing as it looked like the buttercream on a 3-year-old's birthday cake. Jon, Sarah, Caren and I all went on the carousel. It's a life rule of mine that if you see a carousel you have to go on it. It's a good rule because a carousel is one of those places where everybody feels happy.




Tea cups were next on the list because they were right next door. I haven't been on a Teacup ride since I was 10 years old. I had so much fun on the ride I didn't take any photos but here's one of the sign. I find it amusing that the tea spilling out of the cup in the sign looks a little bit like vomit. If you spin your cup too fast you could throwup.


After Tea Cups we went into the arcade and played Skee ball. We combined our winning tickets and bought two mood rings; a magic ORB which makes prediction in an amazingly similar manner to the Magic 8 Ball; a yoyo that lights up; and a super bouncy ball.

We then walked into the red, white and blue section of the park. It was here that I realize that each section of the Great Adventure park has its own color theme. This oom pah pah band greeted us in their American Flag vests.


This section of the park features the Superman ride, the Great American Scream machine and the Parachute ride. Of the three, we all agreed that the Parachute ride was the least scary. You can see the Great American Scream Machine in the background. That ride looked scary. As it turned out the Parachute ride was thrilling. It looked simple enough - being wisked into the air but when you're on the ride, you realize that you are going really, really high up. I was scared. Sarah was brave enough to take a picture. Not me. Nope. I was clinging to the safety bar for dear life.


After this exciting ride, I was ready to try something more daring so went over to the Runaway Train - the first rollercoaster I ever went on as a teenager all those years ago. I'm told that this is one of the gentler rollercoasters but I felt like my life was in peril. It was fun, I guess. I'm not sure. When I was done I felt both scared and happy and I had butterflies in my stomach.

We finished the day off with a ride on the ferris wheel.

Great Adventure - Safari

Jon and I joined some friends for a day out at Great Adventure's opening weekend. The last time I was there was in 1985 - the day after prom. We never got to go on the Safari because most of the day was spent looking for the other half of our group. By the time we joined up it was after dark and the safari was closed. But this time, we got there early enough to enjoy the animals. But did the animals enjoy us?
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On Safari

As cool as it is to see wild animals face to face, there seems to be something inherently wrong with allowing animals to roam free with cars that can kill them.


This is a girl elk. The boys had big antlers and were walking in between the cars slowing down traffic but nobody seemed to mind.


There were 6 elephants penned up in a space probably only big enough for one or two. They looked old, tired and some of them had tattered ears. But again, it was so cool to see elephants so close up.


There were quite a few animals roaming freely including the camels which, much to my surprise and the surprise of those with me in the car, people were feeding. In spite of the fact that there were warnings posted everywhere about the danger of feeding these animals people food, people were sticking things out of their windows to attract the animals. Hopefully people had sense enough to feed the animals appropriate food but I doubt it.



It was the same thing with the giraffes but I was so filled with childish glee at the sight of them in the road, I didn't get upset until after we drove through the Great Adventure herd. Here is a giraffe approaching us and then bending down to visit and see if we have any food to offer.


The zebras were grazing on NJ grass while people drove by taking snapshots. It's just not right and it doesn't look right.


The last sad picture I'm going to post from the safari is this picture of a baboon sitting behind the fence like a prisoner. The only thing missing from this shot is a tin cup in his hand for him to rattle on the bars. Even sadder were watching the babboons playing in a bare field of grass with a noisy roller coaster in the back drop. They were using an old piece of roller coaster track as a jungle gym. And half of them looked sick with big pink protruding asses. I don't know a lot about monkeys but I don't think their butts are supposed to that.

The rest of the day was quite lovely. The safari was lovely. It's just that sometimes seeing animals in captivity saddens me.

Flavor of Love - Reunion Show

Jon and I spent most of the day outdoors with some friends at Great Adventure which I'll write about tomorrow with pictures.

We got home in time to watch the Flavor of Love Reunion show which was just awful.

I don't know how I got sucked into a show like this.

It's degrading to all women but especially to the hoes who participated in the show.

Yes. I watched it. I even enjoyed parts of it.

But I'm done with Flavor Flav and his Flavor of Love.

I won't be coming back for Flavor of Love 2.

Last day

Of the week. Of the month. Of the job.

Today is a moving day. I'm going to help my old company move to a new office for my last day of work - which means, I'll be out of touch all day.

No blogs. No email. No phones.

Weird.

DMV Express

I headed out early this morning to the Department of Motor Vehicles in Herald Square to update my state ID. It opens at 8:30 so I figured if I got there early, I wouldn't have to wait too long. Imagine my surprise when at 8:10 the line for the DMV was already wrapping around the corner to the middle of 34th street. Disheartened I headed to my office. Of all the things I wanted to get done today, updating my ID was the most important, so had to come up with another idea...

...which is why I headed over to the DMV Express at 34th St. 8th Ave. later in the morning. With my passport, my marriage certificate and forms I downloaded from the internet I walked in and received my ticket numbered B148. I sat down and waited. There were three numbers on the screen of people being helped. B146 was one of them so I thought for sure that I was going to be going very, very soon. I was wrong. A series of numbers beginning with G, F and E came up before mine. 20 minutes went by before I was helped, which is actually not bad in the world of the Department of Motor Vehicles, so I was pretty glad about that.

When I went over to counter 5 and explained to the nice man that I changed my name which is why I needed new state ID, he asked me if I had had my photo taken. Uh...no. This upset me a little bit because in that 20 minutes while I was waiting, I could have gotten my picture taken. I thanked him and started over toward the photo line but as I was walking away, he stopped me and gave me an express pass which allowed me to skip to the head of the 7 person line.

That done I went back to counter 5 where the nice man who was helping me told me that I needed to have my ID approved. Again. Something else I could have done in those 20 minutes I was waiting. He could see I was annoyed, told me to wait and very kindly got all the approvals I needed.

Nice guy. He is a burn victim. His scars looked old and I wondered when I was talking to him if he was one of those kids you hear about every now and then whose parents tried to burn them alive. That's how badly scarred he was. But gosh he was nice. We talked about allergies because we were both sniffling and I learned that not only was he allergic to rag weed and flowering trees but a whole list of foods as well. It turned out to be a pleasant experience.

American Idol - Mediocre at Best

Last night's performances were mediocre at best. The American Idol contestants were told to pick songs from 2000 to the present. Instead of picking songs that best showed off their singing ability they generally chose the songs they liked best.

Paris Bennett, Mandisa, Bucky Covington and Taylor Hicks were the only ones who sang in key but Paris seems to have made the best song choice for her voice. Mandisa, Bucky and Taylor chose their favorite songs and sang them well but didn't connect with the judges which caused some negative feedback.

Everyone else was eh.

Kellie Pickler chose a really cute country song but sang it out of tune. The song she sang was exactly the kind of song she'll end up recording but still she caught some flack from from the judges for choosing something gimmicky (Suds in the Bucket) and was backed into an apology corner, repeating she was sorry over and over again for disappointing the judges. If they were paying attention, they would see that she was taking the criticisms very personally and eased up on her a little bit. She was apologizing so much I started feeling bad for her and almost called in to lend my support during the voting. Almost.

Lisa Tucker sang out of tune. I'm not even sure what she was singing because I always seem to be doing housework when she performs. If I'm not already puttering once she's started, I've been finding something else to do. Her parents must be proud of her because she is a brave little performer but I think she's too young for the show and has been turning in mostly robotic mouse-kateer like performances.

Chris Daughtry sang a rock sang like he always does but didn't connect with the judges this time around - probably because not all rock songs are that great. His performance was so mediocre Simon criticized him for being a one-trick pony which completely contradicted his critique from last week when Simon admired him for being a one-trick pony. He told him he should "change it up a bit" in that affected, disconnected, not-so-charming British way he has of bringing contestants back down to earth after they've started getting a little full of themselves. It's a shame he couldn't bring hairy, barefooted Bo Bice back down to earth. Bo Bice is in the center of his own little Bo-niverse which he's created in lieu of actual good music.

Katherine McPhee sang something but again I was busy doing something when she sang. I heard her singing and I heard her singing well but for some reason I just wasn't that interested in her last night. Her prettiness and actual knowledge and application of singing technique and musical theory will get her through most of American Idol but sadly she won't be the winner.

Elliott Yamin had the same effect on me. I'm a fan of his but I wasn't that interested in him last night either.

I think that's everybody.

Oh. I almost forgot the weird, creepy, preternaturally good looking one who stares into the camera like a zombie. Ace Young. So pretty yet so creepy and unable to sing in tune but he won't be in the bottom three. Nope. Not him. He's too Teen Beat Magazine to get voted off this soon.

My predictions for the bottom three tonight are Kevin Covais, Bobby Bennett and Lisa Tucker.

Flavor of Love - Reunion Show Postponed

The Flavor of Love Reunion show has been postponed until April 2nd. The last two Sundays I've been disappointed to see Hulk Hogan's show running in its place. The show's been postponed because problems due to editing.

And where did I learn this information? At the website of the infamous Tiffany "New York" Patterson. She's been busy working on her site, keeping her fans updated about all of her comings and goings. In one post she talks about her struggles of being a public figure - with people interrupting her during her workouts for pictures and autographs. As if.

She has a fan site (which I think she probably writes and maintains herself).

But what I find hardest to believe is that Tiffany Patterson is only 23 years old. And I base that on the fact that her bosom sags like someone in her late 20's to early 30's. Those are not 23 year old breasts. On her MY SPACE site - which she copied started several weeks after Pumkin - she listed other interesting facts about herself like she's a Virgo and in a relationship. I guess she knows if you're visiting her site you're not really interested in what she has to say about the war in Iraq because all she writes about is herself and her interest in Flavor Flav.

Go Fug Yourself

The fabulous bitches at Go Fug Yourself are on fire today. Check out their thorough thrashing of the failing fashions of Pink, Diana Ross, Sharon Stone, Jennifer Anniston and others.

Reliable Delivery

Did I ever tell you that my image is being used to sell reliable delivery of United Envelopes envelope products?

Check it out here.

A Tale of Two Subway Lines

So. Last night Jon picked me up from work. We left before 5:30 which means that I left work early so I could spend a nice evening with Jon. We got home at 7.

At Carnegie Hall, the station agent announced that the N, R and W line was not running at all due to a signal problem somewhere in Queens. When we ascended from the 57th and 7th street station, our plan was to walk through Manhattan, over the 59th Street bridge and then home. That would have taken at least two hours. But instead, Jon had a brilliant idea. We took the F train at 57th and 6th to Long Island City and walked home from the 21st station instead.

The weather was nice so it turned out to be a lovely walk and we did have a lovely evening afterall. But the first hour of trying to get home was pretty stressful.

The Countdown Continues

My last week here has begun and with a bang no less. When I walked into the office this morning, I noticed that a lot of what was once on the walls was now packed in boxes scattered throughout. Someone did work while I wasn't here and that make me soooooo happy. What a nice way to start the week. With my boss having done the lion's share of packing this week won't be as physically demanding as once believed.

The weekend was good. Jon and I spent a good part of it in Long Island visiting my parents. But last night was dedicated to The Sopranos. A chill ran through me when the theme music started playing. Every character on the show behaved exactly as they would.

I'm not going to give anything away because last night's episode provides resolution to the previous week's cliffhangers and I'm sure not everyone has seen it. But just believe me when I tell you, the writer of that show understands his characters so well that it's almost as if they've evolved without his assistance and he's just transcribing conversations and situations as they happen.

Dear Random Guy in the Subway

Last night, when I found a seat on the train I felt so fortunate until you sat down next to me. That's when your male version of a woman's pocket book started rubbing up against me for potentially the remainder of my ride. Maybe I should describe your bag so you know who you are. The strap of your bag was slung across your shoulder while the pouch sat on your right hip. Why do you have a bag like that anyway?

And why couldn't you pick up on the fact that I wanted you to move it? I wiggled around in my seat so much that everyone else in the train was looking at me funny. Didn't you know that I wanted you to move your bag? Couldn't you read my passive aggressive behavior or did you willingly choose to ignore it? I think you willingly chose to ignore it because that's the kind guy of you are.

I hope you weren't offended when I moved to another seat as soon as one became available. You sure did notice. As a matter of fact, I saw you shift in your seat as soon as I left. That would indicate to me that you understood that the crooked way you were sitting was indeed uncomfortable and if that's the case, WHY DIDN'T YOU MOVE WHEN A SEAT BECAME AVAILABLE?

You caused in me the most hateful feeling. And the sad part is that if I had said anything about your bag sitting inconveniently on my hip as well as yours, I would have appeared to be the individual with a problem. Not you. You would have sat back and resumed your role of the victim never understanding why the people around you are always so upset and uncomfortable.

End of the Week

This is the end of a long and boring week. Being a lameduck employee has its disadvantages along with its plusses. On the plus side, I am counting down the time until I start my other gig. On the down side, my work load is small leading to hours of boring, boring, boring. The last day of the month is moving day for my current job. So my last day of work is going to be the busiest and most stressful of all the days I've worked here to date. I'm waiting for our boxes so I can start packing.

I tried to get us out of our Verizon contract so we could switch to a new vendor but we're locked into a contract because I chosed Centrix lines to save the company money. So I've coordinated Verizon and the company that handles our phone system to install and move the phones simultaneous to the uber move.

Here are the stresses of that day. The building we're in now operates the freight elevator between 9 and 12 and then 1 and 5:30. The building we're moving to operates their freight elevator between 9 and 4. So. . .do you see the problem? No room for error. Other stresses include mostly glass furniture which has to be disassembled and reassembled; computers which have to be packed with all of their own specific wires and attachments; and a general disconnected feeling between me and doing a good job.

That day is also a pay day. So I'm thinking of asking for my check the night before just to be sure it doesn't get forgotten about the day of the move but I hate asking for my check which is usually how I've had to get it here - by reminding my boss that it's payday. It really sucks to ask for your check. It's like begging or something.

American Idol - Was Hopping

Did anyone else noticed that Paula Abdul seemed medicated last night? She was acting a little loopy. Her doctors should really keep an eye on her dosage.
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Last night was the obligatory 50's theme night of American Idol. Barry Manilow (who coincidentally just released an album of 50's songs) was the celebrity guest/coach - helping the contestants to arrange their songs and improve their performances. Interestingly enough, all of the arrangements included a key change toward the end of the song true to Mr. Manilow's style of adding key changes at the ends of songs to make them more interesting.

Some of the music of the 50's affords singers an opportunity to really show off their skills and vocal range because a lot of it is really, really hard to sing. Standouts were Mandisa, Parris, Catherine, Elliot and Taylor who Manilow referred to as a "Whisky Tenor" - a perfect description of Taylor's voice, meaning it's raspy and he sings higher than a bass.

Kelly was the bridge between the above brilliant performances and the remaining bad ones. She did a sexy rendition of Walking After Midnight, a Patsy Kline song, but her lack of training was again very apparent. She is a good performer. I'll give her that. The performers who just weren't up to snuff last night were Lisa, Ace and Kevin. Actually those three gave it there all but they were outclassed by everyone else with the exception of Bucky Covington who again sang his whole song out key.

A Funny Thing Did Not Happen on the Way to My Office this Morning

I wasn't even supposed to come to the office this morning. I had a doctor's appointment at 9:15 on the Upper West Side.

I was on the station platform at 8:15 and ended up at work at 10 am.

How could something like this happen? Why do you think?

If you guessed the subway you are correct. When I arrived at the station platform the crowd was four people deep. An N train arrived shortly after I got there but it was so crowded I waited for the next one. The next one didn't come for 15 minutes and I couldn't get on that one either but while I was waiting a completely empty W train passed us on the express track. Two more trains stopped at that station in 15 minute intervals while 3 more empty trains passed by on the express track.

I cancelled my appointment. At 9 I got clever. I went to the opposite track and took an empty train going in the wrong direction to the last stop. At Ditmars (the last stop) passengers were told that the train was going back to the train yard and to get on the other train sitting in the station. I took my seat. At 9:20, I was finally on my way into the city.

Turns out there is something happened with a W train somewhere in or near Brooklyn - something bad enough to cause a complete and total disruption of train service.

Because the MTA never tells you what's happening while you're stuck in the middle of something time consuming and disruptive, I got my information from Jon who was watching the news for the transit report.

Almost two hours after I left my house, I made it to the office. I have to wait another two weeks before I can see my doctor.

Just Another Manic Monday

So. How is your Monday going? Mine is going well - because this is the second to last Monday that I will be working this particular full-time job. This makes me happy.

Saturday I took the long train ride up to Poughkeepsie to meet with our photographer about picking photos for our wedding album. It took 4 hours for Zupcu and I to choose the final 50 images. When you factor the fours of commuting, Saturday was pretty full. In spite of my fatigue, I was able to pull together a nice meal for Jon to enjoy when he got home from work but I was so zonked that I went to sleep at 11 - very exciting for a Saturday night.

Sunday was a little more easy going. Slept in late, sat around, goofed off, went food shopping, took a nap, watched TV, went online . . . you get the idea. The most effort went into uploading a game onto Jon's computer and then playing it for an hour and a half. StarTopia was put out by MuckyFoot productions four or five years ago. It's one of those god-of-your-own-universe games that is endlessly fun and entertaining - you build and develop your own space station. You hire and fire the people that come and go off your station; you build functional and recreational facilities as you see fit; you develop your own penal system to help keep your alien society in check; you raise crops on the biodeck that you can harvest and convert into tradeable goods; etc.

Oh. Okay. That's right. Now I remember why I removed it from my own computer. I may have gotten addicted to it at the expense of eating, sleeping and moving around but I think I can keep my gameplay time under control now, if I just limit myself to one hour intervals.

Now it's Monday and I'm on the threshhold of my final two weeks here. The first thing I did this morning was place on classified ad for this job on Craig's List. Very satisfying.

And the News Is

I quit my job today. My last day is in two weeks and then in April I'll be starting a part-time job that makes the same amount of money.

Wahooo!!!!

St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day. A word of advice to people living in and near New York City, avoid Fifth Avenue. If you don't have to go there today don't. Maybe you're reading this and wondering why a New Yorker wouldn't want to attend the St. Patrick's Day parade. If you are, you are probably not from around here. The parade seems to attract a lot of badly behaved drunken people. It's crowded, loud, messy (because of vomit and the endless spilling of beer) and costs the city as much money as it earns.
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There's something in the works that I want to share with you later in the area of good news but I'm not quite ready to tell you yet. And it's not that I'm pregnant so get that idea out of your heads S and C.

Something To Think About

Why does an oil producing nation like Iran need nuclear power?

Here's NY Pollution in your Eye

This evening as I was walking home a gust of wind blew a large piece of pollutant in my eye. It was so painful it stopped me cold. I pulled into the fruit and vegetable stand outside of our local Tradefair to gather myself. When the pain was half way gone, I continued home. It took an hour for my eye to clear up to its normal level of bloodshot.

I was walking home from the NY Sports Club - that place where I used to work out. I liked it while I went and I've had some good workouts there but the last few times I've been there, I've noticed that the high price of membership does not do the job one would hope of keeping out the psychos. There a few nutjobs from the neighborhood working out there on a regular basis now. Going there isn't as much fun as it was when I first joined because it became so popular. It's the cleanest club in the area meaning TOO MANY PEOPLE for this misanthrope. And it's expensive. Hella expensive.

If I'm going to pay that much I want a little more room to stretch and breath and lift and sweat.
The sad truth is that as expensive as that club is at $70 a month, it's not even close to being as pricey as some of the higher end clubs in NYC.

So, tonight I cancelled my membership. My membership ran out in January but I was still a member - being billed - because I didn't go down to the club and give my 30 days notice that I didn't want to continue my membership. When I joined, I was warned by my then private trainer that NYSC does that - rolls you over to a monthly membership until you sign something that says you don't want to renew. So - my membership is good until April 14th and I will still get billed April 1st but at a pro-rated rate.

But I'm considering joining a cheaper gym or just hitting the new local yoga studio if that isn't already so crowded I can't even lay down a mat.

American Idol - Prediction

My prediction (or rather my wish) is that either Kevin Covais or Bucky Covington will be eliminated tonight.

Last night was the first "REAL BIG" night of American Idol. It's interesting how a show that has been on the air since January could actually only just be starting in the middle of March but that is the genius of the producers of American Idol. Every week there is a new angle. This week's new angle was that last night's competition represented the first time the 12 final contestants are competing for the title of American Idol. Before they were just fighting to get into the final 12 spots.

It seems American Idol really pumped up the production value - better band, back up singers, bigger stage and more lights.

The show started with a bang as Stevie Wonder coached each contestant on singing one of his songs for last night's competition. Stevie Wonder is great but he doesn't fit with everyone's style. The people that didn't perform so "Wonder"fully were Kellie Pickler (boring), Ace Young (off key),Kevin Covais (too lispy and cutesy poo) and Bucky "needs a shave and haircut" Covington (not surprisingly since he isn't a very good singer anyway).

The standouts of the evening were Catherine McPhee, Taylor Hicks, Paris Bennett and Chris Daughtry who rocked it like he's been touring with the Rolling Stones for 50 years. The other people did alright. Mandisa sang too low. Lisa Tucker was too cute. The three others - well, they were okay too.

During Kellie Pickler's critique by the judges, Simon Cowell told her that she looked like she'd been to Dolly Parton University because of how she looked - puffy blond hair, red high heels and a cute little dress. I didn't see it. But when he said you could tell she was crushed while simultaneously not fully understanding what he meant. It was like watching Big Foot clubbing a baby seal. But she is bubbly enough to overcome little slights like this and was joking with Ryan Seacrest only moments later.

Another highlight of the show was when Ryan removed Mandisa's painful shoes before her performance which she sang barefooted. Yuck. But those shoes did look painful.

Mondays - My Favorite Day?

Mondays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week.

You're probably wondering how that could be. It's Tuesday and you still haven't shaken off that magic weekend dust that keeps you feeling a little groggy.

But my husband doesn't have to work on Mondays and since he works nights this is becoming a special event.

Last night, Jon picked me at my office and we hung out in the city. First we walked down to the Barnes and Noble on Union Square North. This is my favorite of all the NYC B&N locations because at Union Square B&N took over an old building. Because there are four floors it never seems really, really crowded. We bought a book for the house - Hey. It's That Guy published by the good people (or person) at FameTracker. We also picked up the deluxe edition of Midnight Cowboy. We had the option of staying for a reading by Macaulay Caulkin but we decided against it.

Instead, we walked over to one of my favorite NY eateries, Mayrose Comfort Food. In New York City you can't help but run into celebrities. If there isn't one giving a reading to promote his new crappy book, there will probably be one sitting two tables down at Mayrose. While we were waiting for our food, Joe Franklin walked in with a posse of two. More of a local NY celebrity he used to host The Joe Franklin Show, originally aired on WWOR - now UPN. By the end of each show all the guests would usually be talking to each other - guests would range from a guy who collected potato chips that looked celebrities to major movie stars. I later learned from Jon that he is also famous for having one of the messiest offices in television.

He was great talkshow host - one of the originals and I always enjoyed listening to him because of his great voice. Last night, he looked good but he has still aged quite a bit. I think he's in his 80's now. I couldn't believe how little he is - probably why he went into broadcasting.

The night ended when Jon and I watched the pilot episode of Big Love, HBO's new serial drama about a polygamist. There are some pretty heavy hitting character actors in this one - Jeanne Triplehorne, Harry Dean Stanton, Bill Paxton, Bruce Dern - to name some. It was okay. The show certainly gives you enough information upon which to build a season of possibly interesting stories? I don't know. There was something a little stilted about the show - the writing may not be as good as some of HBO's other knockout serials but we'll see.

It's always nice to spend the evening with my husband.

Flavor of Love - Finale

Flavor Flav made his final decision last night (if your computer can do it, you can watch the episode at the V-Spot by clicking on Flav's name up top.) He chose one woman to be his baby and to wear a set of custom-made gold grillz over her beautiful teeth.

He chose Nicole "Hoopz" Alexander.

Before he made his decision he took the two final contestants, New York and Hoopz, to Puerto Vallarta - famous destination of the fictional Love Boat - where the women had to share a room. I'm sure the show could have afforded to put them up in separate rooms but there wouldn't have been the same amount of drama had they done that. These two HATE each other. There is no love lost between them and you could see them seething at each other the whole show.

The first night, Flav planned a romantic dinner for the three of them. While they were waiting for their food, Flav asked them what they thought of each other and a big fight ensued. This upset Flav and he had to leave the table. He just couldn't understand why those two were fighting - as if he wasn't the prize for this bizarre competition. Hoopz called New York a fake and New York, in an effort to appear lady like, kept reminding Flav that she was a lady and wouldn't stoop to Hoopz's level. She never really said anything bad about Hoopz at dinner.

After that Flav had separate dates with each woman.

He took New York to a private beach - very nice. She wore a skimpy but not the skimpiest bikini I've ever seen. They frolicked in the sun and sand. He tried to go canoing with New York, but she's got no athletic ability at all and somehow she kept capsizing the canoe before they could even get out onto the water. The date ended with dinner at a romantic restaurant and dessert back up in Flav's room where she spent the night. While smoking a cigarette at the end of her meal, through a face full of tears she explained to Flav how much she loves him and how much she wants to be with him - AGAIN.

Every moment she had alone with him she was talking about her feelings. And you know, I think he was only thinking of her for sex because he couldn't stop talking about her body. So in the end he got what he wanted from her - sex and she got nothing. That wasn't very fair of him. He should have been nicer and not sleep with her if he thought there wasn't a chance that he would pick her. I mean - she is crazy.

The next day he took Hoopz to a jungle excursion where they rode ziplines through the canopy all day. Hoopz is very athletic and really enjoyed the activity while New York would have been freaking out the whole time. Flav and Hoopz took a romantic walk on the beach near the hotel afterwards. Their romantic dinner also found them back at Flav's room afterwards. At dinner, Hoopz talked about New York and basically asked Flav what we all wanted to know. What does he see in her? Flav saw a good person in her. Maybe there was a good person in there, but you needed X-ray vision to see the good person underneath her layers of bullshit.

Anyway, Flav gave both women a present - a necklace with their nicknames. When New York got hers she said thank you. When Hoopz got hers she said thank you and gave Flav a gift in return. It was an "ASS TRAY" - because he was always looking for an ashtray at his house and because he likes ass. Get it? He loved it. And he loved the personal note she wrote for him.

The trip to Mexico occupied the first hour of the show. The last half hour of the show was dedicated to showing the girls get ready for their dates.

Hoopz went to the salon while New York went to Nicole Miller to get a dress and then the other way around. New York LOVED every dress she saw and ended up picking a pretty, low-cut red number. Hoopz meanwhile was having a bad time at the salon because they screwed up her extensions. By the time she got to Nicole Miller she was tired, annoyed and downhearted. A different sales person helped her as she tried one dress after another and didn't like any of them. She chose the dress that she thought looked the best but still didn't like it. Wouldn't you know it was the same exact dress as New York?


Thanks to Confessions of a Shoe Whore for the photo.

They walked into the elimination ceremony in the same dress - which looked better on Hoopz. New York started talking trash to Hoopz in the classy way that she does at every elimation ceremony and got in Hoopz's face. She bragged about her alone time with Flav - about how they "made sweet music" together to which Hoopz replied, "someone get me a bucket." Hoopz never really bragged about her own date with Flav - she just kept reinforcing her belief that New York was a fake and a slut in the down to earth way she keeps things real (whatever that means).

Flav dragged out the finale a little longer by asking the girls if they would still love him, even if he chose the other one. Then he repeated their names over and over again until he finally chose Hoopz.

In her final interview, Hoopz said New York was probably in the limo crying her eyes out (cut to limo and NY crying her eyes out). She also said the New York was probably going to get drunk all night (cut to NY saying she's going to drink that whole bottle of whatever she was pointing too).

In the end Flav gave Hoopz this ridiculous set of gold teeth to wear over her own teeth. They made her look pretty stupid.

Flav felt a fire burnign inside of him everytime he looked at or spoke to Hoopz which is why she won in the end.

American Idol - Final 12

I can't believe the American public chose Bucky Covington over Gedeon. Gedeon was a nice young man - granted he was a little odd but he could really, really sing. Bucky Covington, who has been singing since he's 18 years old, can't sing in key. He doesn't take any pride at all in his appearance. So, if you were to pay $100 a ticket to see Bucky in concert, he would basically look like crap. Gedeon dressed up and dressed well. And Gedeon has clearly been singing since he could talk while Bucky sounds like he's had absolutely no formal training at all.

I'm sorry. You don't deserve to win if you haven't been working on your singing since a young age. It's just not fair.

Look at that picture. Hair - awful. Skin - awful. Face - covered with awful hair. Please Bucky. If you're reading this, please clean up your appearance so I can at least stand watching as you sing out of key.

My biggest hope for this year's competition is that Bucky is not voted the American Idol.

Taylor Hicks and the Rest

American Idol featured 8 male contestants last night who were all fighting for the final 6 spots. The only performance I remember specifically was Taylor Hicks who sang Michael McDonald's Taking It To The Streets. He sang really well. He danced not so well.

Out of the 8 men who performed last night, I think only three did badly enough to be going home tonight. Will Makar sang How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You and it was boring. James Taylor music can only be sung by James Taylor or it sucks and so did Will.

The other two guys I think have a chance of going home tonight are Kevin Covais and Bucky Covington. Kevin sang Starry Starry night and in spite of the cute lisp, which he should really work on, it was a boring performance. And Bucky Covington - well, I've never really been a big fan of his. He has a sloppy appearance and a so/so voice.